Grandstanders welcome
Can We Agree to Get Rid of the Humblebrag?
Mock Modesty Need Not Apply
Humblebrag: When you want to get across how awesome you and yours are but you also don’t want to seem like a braggy blowhard.
I have a lot of pet peeves. People who talk during movies. People who don’t put their shopping carts up. People.
But the thing that has really irked me lately is the humblebrag. The always obvious attempt to come off as aw-shucks as you relate a tidbit that you are bursting to unleash on the world. Some examples:
I just can’t keep these pants on. It’s so annoying.
We were gobsmacked that Timmy got a 1580 on his SAT.
Suzy was so sick this week that we told her she didn’t have to play. Who’d have thought she’d win a single match, let alone the whole tournament?
I told Jerry that I don’t want one more diamond. I just want more time with him.
That cottage was such a dump. When Meryl Streep checked into the one next door I had to do a doubletake.
Translation:
Just once, I want someone to overtly brag. You got Botox? Rave on about your wrinkle-free forehead. Your kid picked up his first Harry Potter book at six? Tell me it’s because you put it in his hand every night until he finally took hold of it.
Big promotion?
You didn’t get it because you are lucky. You got it because you don’t know what a work week is that doesn’t have 60+ hours in it.
At least I’m not alone in my annoyance. Writer Henry Alford nails it in a 2012 New York Times article about how the humblebrag blew up with the advent of social media.
Indeed, this may be why false modesty is no less discomfiting to its audience (and is sometimes more so) than outright bragging. Outright bragging expects to be met with awe, but humblebragging wants to met with awe and sympathy. It asks for two reactions from its audience, and in so doing makes fools of its beholders twice over.
He also has some pretty stellar examples.
“I obsess over the welfare of old people & animals on hot days like today. OBSESS #thereissomethingwrongwithme” — “Real Housewife” Dina Manzo
“Totally walked down the wrong escalator at the airport from the flashes of the cameras…Go me.” — Joe Jonas
“They just announced my flight at LaGuardia is number 15 for takeoff. I miss Air Force One!!” — former White House press secretary Ari Fleischer
You are not fooling anyone. We know that you want us to know that your kid got into an Ivy League or that you bought a Tesla or that you gave the man on the corner your last $20. So just tell us. No subterfuge. No false modesty.
I will love you as long as you give it to me true. We are creatures in need of validation and I am ready to stamp your ticket. You just need to meet me halfway.
That’s what I’m talking about. Brag, baby, brag!
Betsy Denson can’t believe that Ev Williams has clapped for every single one of her stories. He must be really bored.
Thank you to BOFace for weaning me from my stock phrases.
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