It’s just as cool as Fonzie shilling Ponzi
Not to Be Outdone by Matt Damon and Crypto.com, Ben Affleck Is the New Spokesperson For Amway
When Affleck calls it ‘The Greatest Pyramid of All Time,’ he really means it
With all of the recent publicity about Matt Damon’s ad for Crypto.com, the new partnership between his ‘Good Will Hunting’ co-star, Ben Affleck, and another revolutionary business has been somewhat overshadowed.
“Matt Damon is not the only Boston boy who knows a good investment when he sees one,” Affleck said.
Affleck’s acumen, however, has led him down a slightly different path. Amway — the 60-year old company where your friends are not just your friends, they’re your multi-tiered sales force — can now count the Oscar winner as the face of its new advertising campaign.
“It was a natural fit,” Affleck said. “Amway sells things you can hold in your hands that have been created by people who don’t go by a pseudonym on the Dark Web. Plus, Jennifer and I swear by their XS™ Energy Drinks.”
In Damon’s 60 second spot, called ‘Fortune Favors the Brave,’ he talks about losers who can’t find the cajones to withdraw their hard-earned money from a long-standing financial institution and buy into currencies that sound like they were named after a video game or a location in The Witcher.
The visionaries who do tap into Ethereum, Stellar Lumens, and Bitcoin Satoshi’s Vision are akin to those who climb Mount Everest or blast off for the moon. I mean, of course. The Wright Brothers. Amelia Earhart. Buzz Aldrin. Edmund Hillary. The guy who just logged on to coinbase.com. Peas in a pod.
Affleck’s Amway ad is helmed by renowned director Michael Bay and finds the actor in Batman-buff form. Titled ‘A Prescription for Conscription,’ the 60-second spot opens with a majestic shot of The Great Pyramid of Giza.
“Nothing good ever comes without effort,” Affleck says in a voice over, “More than 20,000 workers in labor gangs built one of the Seven Wonders of the World. The work is hard but most of it doesn’t even have to be yours. Sometimes, vision, a bit of arm-twisting, and 1,000 Facebook friends is all you need.”
Bay has directed six of the Transformer movies. And he puts those ‘robots in the sky’ to good use in this spot as they congregate around another famous pyramid, The Louvre, before turning into Nutrilite™ containers and being eagerly scooped up by the French.
At the Pyramid of Cestius in Rome, a robust-looking group of women and men link arms and then pull others into one giant huddle. The crowd grows larger at the Temple of the Great Jaguar in Guatemala. By the time the mass of humanity gets to the Luxor Hotel in Las Vegas, the frenzy is on par with the Zion rave from The Matrix.
The spot culminates with Affleck himself in a black Amway™ Stealth Tee and faded blue jeans standing atop El Castillo in Chichen Itza, Mexico.
“Who will be the one to take the first step, or climb the first rung? Will it be you? Being at the top is where you want to be on this pyramid, believe me.”
In recent weeks, there has been a good bit of good-natured ribbing between the two old friends who both agree their newest projects have given them way more visibility than the ‘The Last Duel’ — and they didn’t have to sport a mullet.
“Crypto is way cooler than Amway,” Damon said. “It’s money and it’s a meme! Can you say Dogecoin? Wooooooooooooooofff!!!”
“I can say it, I just don’t want to buy it,” Affleck countered. “Amway makes $8 billion real dollars each year. And Keyser Söze wasn’t behind it all.”
“It was Satoshi Nakamoto thank you very much. I think he used to work out of the Nakatomi Plaza in Los Angeles. And $8 billion is chump change. Crypto is up to $3 trillion now. Plus, Splintershards is going to absolutely shred it next year.”
“You get paid in crypto for your spot?”
“No comment.”
Betsy Denson, 2022
