How to Expand the Star Wars Universe

Having read Hassan S. Ali’s two posts:

And:

I can’t get enough of Star Wars branding, so I’ve decided to try to expand the Star Wars Universe to places where I think it should be.

Fast Food

At the local drive-thru window I had the following exchange:

Gutbloom: I’ll have the Kylo-Ren burger, Jar-Jar fries, and a large Mace Windu.

Fast Food Worker: What?

Gutbloom: **louder** A KYLO-REN BURGER, JAR-JAR FRIES, AND A LARGE MACE WINDU.

Fast Food Worker: We don’t have any of that.

Gutbloom: OK, I guess I’ll have to make a Kessel Run.

Department Store

Gubloom: Do you have any Louis Vuiton-ton clothing?

Men’s Shop Employee: Pardon me?

Gutbloom: Anything in the Louis Vuiton-ton line? I need something that hides my wompa.

Men’s Shop Employee: I don’t know what you are talking about.

Sporting Goods Store

Gutbloom: **pointing at the Havahearts*** Admiral Akbar says?

Fishing Guide: Huh?

Gutbloom: Do you sell Wookie urine?

Fishing Guide: What?

Gutbloom: I want to spray wookie urine on my apple trees to keep the Jawas away.

Fishing Guide: You have to leave or I’m calling the cops.

At the Water Store

Gutbloom: My water seems to be a bit on the dark side. Do you have anything that neutralizes midi-chlorians?

Water Guy: You can just keep the cover off the pool and sunlight should do the trick.

Gubloom: That makes no sense. Why would Obi-Wan live on Tatooine if sunlight killed midi-chlorians?

Water Guy: Because he can wear a hood. Why do you think Yoda lives in a swamp?

Gutbloom: Hmmmm. That makes sense. This might be the store I’m looking for.

Water Guy: This is not the store you’re looking for.

Phone Call to the NFL Store

Gutbloom: Do you have any Tusken Raider apparel?

NFL Store Employee: We have Oakland Raider apparel.

Gutbloom: That won’t do. The other street gang in town already uses Oakland Raider apparel for their colors. I want Tusken Raider apparel.

NFL Store Employee: There is no team in the NFL called the “Tusken Raiders.”

Gutbloom: Sure there is, they play at the George Lucas Oil Stadium.

NFL Store Employee: Lucas Oil Stadium has nothing to do with George Lucas.

Gutbloom: Why not? Don’t you people know anything about merchandising? Maybe you should talk to Hassan S. Ali.