Bubble Tea Blues: A Boomer’s Baffling Beverage Adventure

Navigating the trendy world of bubble tea — A parent’s tale

In Australia, bubble tea is having a major moment.

In every shopping centre in all areas, various outlets are opening up to get this bubble tea.

What is bubble tea?

Bubble tea is a Taiwanese recipe made by blending tea with milk, fruit, and juices, then adding tasty tapioca pearls and shaking vigorously.

Where did it come from?

Rumour has it that it was invented in Taiwan. This website has all the information you need to learn more.

My middle daughter is obsessed with it

She has taken me many times to get one, and each time, I find myself staring at the menu, completely overwhelmed as to where to begin my order.

My daughter took the liberty of ordering me the same one she always gets. It was like a cup of sweet Earl Grey tea with pearls.

I know of the pearls. I had tried them once before on top of my husband’s frozen yoghurt, and I loved the sensation of them popping in my mouth and the gooey, stretchy outer layer sliding down my throat.

This tea my daughter ordered for me did not have those same pearls.

These were black and squidgy, and they let out an awful taste that reminded me of bong water.

“Tapioca pearls, mom.” My daughter explained.

“These horrible balls of suffering do not pop!” And they taste like feet!

Clearly, this was hilarious to my 13-year-old. Once she stopped laughing hysterically at my misfortune, she told me that what I had meant to ask for was popping pearls.

Who knew there was a difference?

The next time we were out and visited a bubble tea venue, I made sure to ask for the popping pearls. But the issue was that they were fruity-flavoured.

Fruity-flavoured things do not mesh with Earl Grey tea

All I’m thinking is, Why is this so hard?

So my daughter ordered me a lychee tea with mango-popping pearls.

It was delicious.

It was exactly what I wanted.

A week later, I’m grocery shopping and find myself parched. It was a hot day, and I spotted a bubble tea place.

This venue was a different chain from the one I had been to with my daughter, but I felt confident they would all have the same assortment of options.

How wrong I was.

This one had all different things under various headings, with a million add-ons and extra squirts.

Milky, fruity, frozen, aloe vera, yoghurt cubes, nut cream, and mochi.

It’s all just too hard.

I stood there being shuffled aside by groups of teenagers who, I’m sure, were saying to each other under their breaths, “Step aside, boomer.”

I read over the menu at least four times. I even looked at their website on my phone to see if that would assist me.

Ultimately, I decided that the effort to order a bubble tea was just too much, and I walked away.

I was disappointed to miss out on that sweet, fruity drink my daughter ordered me a week ago

I thought there must be something seriously wrong with me if I can’t decipher what is supposed to be a simple drink menu.

As I walked across to the sushi bar and paid for a Diet Coke, I realized the fundamental reason I couldn’t order a bubble tea!

I imagined how my 13-year-old daughter would feel overwhelmed by the options if she walked into a cocktail bar and looked at a menu.

Negroni, Long Island iced tea, Cosmopolitan, espresso martini, and Bellini. Where would she even begin?

Does she want gin, vodka, or tequila?

Bourbon, scotch, or even red or white wine!

My daughter, who I know is too young to order drinks at a cocktail bar, would be confused.

The bubble tea shop is just a cocktail bar for young people

I’m not in that age bracket anymore, which explains why I can’t order a damn sweet, fruity tea with pearls that pop!

I’m not upset or disappointed about this.

I accept it.

The next time I’m thirsty while grocery shopping, I shall stop and grab myself some water or Diet Coke.

So much simpler.

I also know that the next time I’m in a cocktail bar, I shall start with a glass of champagne before moving onto a gin and tonic with extra lime and lemon because I know where I belong!

Check out more articles and stories from the writers at Read or Die and if you want to join in and add your writing to a great publication, click the link below: