BAAP KA, DADA KA, SABKA BADLA LAIGA YOUR FAIZAL (GOOGLE TRANSLATE)
Brits vs. Americans vs. The Rest — It’s Mine, No It’s Mine — Whose is it?
A war of tongue
Ten years ago, I was on a conference call with clients from the UK and the US. After exchanging the pleasantries, a UK guy cracked a joke to break the ice.
“Before we start, can we all agree that Brits invented the English language?” He spoke.
“True that,” America spoke in unison, “but, it’s we who perfected it.”
Frivolous swordplay between privileged adults from either side of the pond ensued. I became the spewed mess between the buns because they couldn’t hold it together.
After an hour, none of them could justify their claim to the English language. I got no new business that day. None. Nada. Zilch.
A Titan lost in a dwarfs’ brawl.
Being an Indian kid of the eighties, I learned British English at school. When I came to the States, the realization of the split personality of a universal tongue hit me.
A theatre became a theater, colour — color, holidays — vacations, flats — apartments, and humour — humor.
Funny? What about it? Don’t worry, that’s still “funny” everywhere.
Funny!
Today, my Medium friend Sally Prag from the island added fuel to the fire. It’s ironic that the word on the chopping board was aluminium. Accordion to her, Brits taught the Americans how to pronounce aluminium.
BTW, did you know replacing a word with a musical instrument’s name goes unnoticed?
Americans, if you are wondering what’s aluminium, hold your horses. I told you, I am from India erstwhile British India.
I didn’t know the aluminium joke, so I went to KiKi Walter to ask her if she is familiar with it. Her immediate reaction was “WTF is aluminium?”
When she googled, it was the first time she and I learned that it’s spelled aluminum in America. It’s aluminium everywhere else.
I thought we will never get to the depth of this hell hole like this. Then, it hit me — the method of elimination. I need to find a way to have one of them back out. And then we can find an end to this debate for once and all.
Americans, British, and the rest. Whoever can give answer the following questions, I will declare them — by power vested in me by nobody — English’s rightful owner.
- If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
- Why is the person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
- Why are wise man and wise guy opposites?
- Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
- Why isn’t the number 11 called onety-one?
- If lawyers get disbarred, clergyman defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, and models deposed?
- If plural of goose is geese, why isn’t the plural of choose cheese?
Let the battles begin.
Oh! BTW, do watch this clip before you go. It might have the answer we all need (with English Subtitles). Total, full and final.
Have you guys got yourself added as writers to The Memoirist pub? Why not? Don’t you know KiKi Walter is running a competition for $50? Drop her or me a note and we would add be happy to welcome you to our little family.
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