Free AI web copilot to create summaries, insights and extended knowledge, download it at here

Abstract

">Healthy, healing. Joy in a box.</p><p id="75d7">Here are three of our newest morning choices — better suited to the a̶f̶t̶e̶r̶l̶i̶f̶e̶ later-life.</p><p id="065e">Our brand-spankin’ new options toss a bit ‘o’ bliss into the most important meal of the day. Gotta problem? We have the solution!</p><h2 id="df12">Help Me Poop!</h2><figure id="6b20"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*gzDVDGIpVjFoZpbiyVz6Qw.png"><figcaption>The big K company stole it before we could trademark… Photo from <a href="https://imgflip.com/i/421aat">Imgflip</a> screenshot by author.</figcaption></figure><p id="ab39">Pro: You will defecate.</p><p id="c7e9">Bonus: it will be fun and colorful! Check out <a href="https://laughingsquid.com/man-eats-documents-his-colourful-shit-to-show-how-food-affects-the-human-body/">Gabriel Morais’ study</a> where he poops and peeps…who woulda thunk that <b>Froot Poops</b>® would gift you with butt-zucchini?</p><p id="6b39">Con: Your dentures will resemble a rainbow.</p><h2 id="a233">Help Me Get It Up!</h2><figure id="0483"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*FRHcbmnROEC0gFDsoozl4w.jpeg"><figcaption>Dude can finally get hard. Photo from <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/jeepersmedia/49483530901">flicker</a> edited by author’s son.</figcaption></figure><p id="c99b">Pro: <b>Honey Nutting Cheerios</b>® will put the oomph back in the bedroom.</p><p id="3968">Con: It’s a limited edition. Get it up while you c

Options

an.</p><h2 id="855c">Help Me Feel Less Lonely!</h2><figure id="61f7"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*SkzdaFSoSizfymzH01JZwg.png"><figcaption>Make the sad times all better. Photo courtesy of Kellogg’s & edited by author’s daughter.</figcaption></figure><p id="aa68">Pro: McGolden & McOldies™ understands that it’s hard to get happy when most of your pals are dead. Or forget who you are.</p><p id="73e3"><b>Mourn Flakes®</b> will kick off your day with a blast of milled corn, malt flavor, and a wee bit of glee. At the office, we call it “grief counselor in a box”.</p><p id="0d6f">Con: Your friends are still dead.</p><p id="4998"><b>Join the McGolden & McOldies™ revolution. Poop, screw, bawl, laugh — and live your best life.</b></p><p id="9ff7"><i>©Jennifer J. McDougall 2022</i></p><p id="3a4f"><b>Inspired by <a href="undefined">Krystal Morgan</a>’s piece on moist boxed breakie choices.</b></p><div id="8729" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/hole-some-adult-cereals-3026ea2d4640"> <div> <div> <h2>Hole-Some Adult Cereals</h2> <div><h3>Get Ya Some!</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*6hEP8m1VMFQbI_GV)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

MORNING ROUTINE

Breakfast Cereals For Old Farts

A few new options

Yummy yum. A babe and his breakie. Photo by Thgusstavo Santana.

Your wood no longer raises. Your nipples do — even if you can’t find them amongst your knee folds. And your diabetic cankles? Better not discuss those.

Here at McGolden & McOldies™ we know YOU. We understand the reality of the mid-life suffering 29+ crowd. We cater to you, Beautiful Boomers.

And we know breakfast.

You don’t need hole-some adult cereals. Those are for the young’uns. Like Krystal Morgan.*

*The ones who still have jobs to go to, poop in their colon that doesn’t solidify for days, and eyes that can still tell the difference between shampoo and conditioner.

Our breakfast solutions are not that. McGolden & McOldies™ aims to better your day. And your life. We offer alternatives more colon-clearing than Raisin Bran. And more fun!

Healthy, healing. Joy in a box.

Here are three of our newest morning choices — better suited to the a̶f̶t̶e̶r̶l̶i̶f̶e̶ later-life.

Our brand-spankin’ new options toss a bit ‘o’ bliss into the most important meal of the day. Gotta problem? We have the solution!

Help Me Poop!

The big K company stole it before we could trademark… Photo from Imgflip screenshot by author.

Pro: You will defecate.

Bonus: it will be fun and colorful! Check out Gabriel Morais’ study where he poops and peeps…who woulda thunk that Froot Poops® would gift you with butt-zucchini?

Con: Your dentures will resemble a rainbow.

Help Me Get It Up!

Dude can finally get hard. Photo from flicker edited by author’s son.

Pro: Honey Nutting Cheerios® will put the oomph back in the bedroom.

Con: It’s a limited edition. Get it up while you can.

Help Me Feel Less Lonely!

Make the sad times all better. Photo courtesy of Kellogg’s & edited by author’s daughter.

Pro: McGolden & McOldies™ understands that it’s hard to get happy when most of your pals are dead. Or forget who you are.

Mourn Flakes® will kick off your day with a blast of milled corn, malt flavor, and a wee bit of glee. At the office, we call it “grief counselor in a box”.

Con: Your friends are still dead.

Join the McGolden & McOldies™ revolution. Poop, screw, bawl, laugh — and live your best life.

Inspired by Krystal Morgan’s piece on moist boxed breakie choices.

Hole-Some Adult Cereals

Get Ya Some!

medium.com