Boys Look Good With Long Hair — So Leave Us Alone!

Don’t tell us to “cut our hair” if you’re of the mindset that men should get in touch with our feminine sides

When I was 14, I began growing out my hair during the summer before my freshman year of high school. For a long time, I’d been dissatisfied with my conventional hairstyle. It was close-cropped, bland, and generic.

My parents hadn’t been thrilled with my decision. But they didn’t fight me on it. They’d probably hoped it would be just a phase.

That Christmas, I saw my Grandma Eichberger for the first time in three years; she’d moved to Florida with my grandpa in 1994, but he’d passed away at the end of my Eighth Grade year. Our December 1996 Christmas celebration was an extended family reunion hosted by my aunt and uncle on their ranch outside of Austin, Texas.

At one point, my grandma said to me — in a tone you’d use when speaking to a preschooler:

“Don’t you think your hair would be nicer if you cut it? That way, it would look a lot more manly.”

I had a sore throat and sinus congestion, at the time. I just scowled at her, silently.

Eileen, my dad’s oldest sister who was our holiday host, spoke up on my behalf. “Oh, Mom! Leave him alone. The last thing he wants is advice from his grandmother on how he should wear his hair.”

I wanted to hug my aunt, in that moment.

Grandma Eichberger looked at me, innocently. “Aw, you don’t mind if Grandma gives you some advice about your hair, do you?” she asked, obviously fully expecting to have me wrapped around her finger.

I nodded my head, still scowling. She then realized that she had overstepped.

“Oh. You do mind?” My grandma wilted, practically taken aback.

Later, I found out from my sister about a conversation that had transpired after I’d left the room. Grandma continued to complain about how horrible she thought my longer hair looked.

“Ma, you have to get with the times,” Brenda, my dad’s youngest sister, had apparently lectured her. “That’s how the boys are wearing their hair, these days.”

Eileen gently dissented. “Well, I do think it would look nicer on him if he wore it just a little bit shorter,” she told them, in regard to my hairstyle choice.

“Well, what was wrong with the way he had it before?” Grandma Eichberger whined.

“Ma, you’re being too old-fashioned,” said Brenda.

“You should make him cut it,” Grandma told my mom.

My mom sighed. “I just let him do what he wants,” she relented.

“Well, I like it!” smiled Brenda.

“Well, I don’t,” my grandma pouted.

As the Spring of 1997 rolled around, I was wimpy enough to allow my mom to convince me to get it cut. My mom has this talent for lowkey guilting people into doing what she wants.

I saw a new hairdresser, who convinced me to take a good two or three inches off the sides (ostensibly, at the behest of my mom). Granted, it still fell down slightly past the tops of my earlobes — so it wasn’t “back to how it was before,” the way my Grandma Eichberger would have preferred.

It still had a tiny bit of that mid-90s Shawn Hunter pizzazz.

But it was a lot shorter than I wanted. Eventually, I grew it back. And, while continuing with that same hairdresser, I was very emphatic with her about not letting it get too short again.

Here’s the thing: much in the same way 90s fitness guru Susan Powter would often justify her trademark buzzcut by insisting how she looked dumb with long hair…

I feel that I look dumb with short hair…or, at least, with super-short hair.

These memories were sparked when my buddy Jay — during a recent session of our online men’s group — told us how his five-year-old son, Avery, recently grew out his hair. According to Jay’s description, Avery loves rocking out to Dave Grohl of Foo Fighters — so, once he began emulating that hairstyle, the little dude won’t let them cut it (at least, not for now).

I just found Jay’s description of that dynamic to be completely heartwarming, as I identify with Avery’s sentiments. In fact, Avery probably gets to wear his hair much longer than I currently wear mine.

If my hair was more manageable, I’d be tempted to go full-on Claude Bukowski with it.

Long hair on a guy certainly isn’t a requirement I’d have for a boyfriend or a husband. It definitely isn’t a prerequisite for brotherhood or friendship.

But I’ve always found longer hair on dudes to be incredibly sexy. Yes, that includes the much-loathed man-bun.

Some of the male celebrity figures who I’ve felt looked absolutely awesome after they chose to grow out their luscious locks: Jason Momoa, Dev Patel, Tyson Apostol, Daveed Diggs, Justin Baldoni, Hayden Byerly, Jordan Donica, David Beckham, Jake Gyllenhaal, and (my heterosexual boyfriend) Avan Jogia.

By that same token, there are celebrity men who’ve drastically cut their hair, at various points in their careers…and it was aesthetically disappointing for the fanboy in me. Brad Pitt, Chad Kroeger, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Harry Styles, Christoph Sanders, and Josh Pence are just a handful of examples.

Although I probably never will…I’ve always had this secret fantasy of growing out my hair super-long and styling it in dreadlocks, the way Jacob Underwood from O-Town did during the early-aughts.

(Or, at least, a Germanic or Scandinavian style of male braids or matted locks that don’t culturally appropriate African dreadlocks)

If I’m remaining true to my ideals of “nutric masculinity”…

…then I need to follow my own guidelines.

If you’re a bro who likes wearing his hair short, it’s only decent for me to respect your sovereignty and support your personal style. I need to decenter what works for me (or what I desire in myself), while celebrating your individuality.

Part of being a good bro is supporting your fellow bros if they decide to cut their hair…even if your personal opinion is that their longer hairstyle looked better on them.

But, by that same token, for those out there who’d take the position that my Grandma Eichberger did, when it comes to male hairstyles…

Stop it. Long hair on boys and men doesn’t automatically make them “girly” or “feminine.”

And, even if they could be accurately described as feminine…

Is that really so bad? Isn’t a good mix of feminine and masculine energies healthy?

On the one hand, many women say they want men to be in touch with our feelings and our sensitive sides. To show vulnerability.

On the other hand, there are women (and men!) who’d then turn around and claim that a guy is “too womanly” if his hair falls past a certain length. Or if he cries.

You don’t get to, in one moment, challenge someone’s manhood and accuse him of fearing the feminine…

Yet, in the next breath, berate him for choosing a traditionally-feminine hairstyle. Or telling him his personality is suddenly “too feminine.”

You can’t have it both ways.

Whenever I see another gentleman who has grown his hair out, I’m silently telling him: “You go, dude!”

Yes, there are occasions where a shower/swim cap or hairnet will need to be worn. But these men shouldn’t feel ashamed to bask in the reality that Heather Locklear is talking to THEM, too, when she says “You’re worth it!” in those Loreal commercials.

Hair length shouldn’t automatically equal “femininity”…

And femininity shouldn’t automatically equal “inferiority.”

“Girl Power!” would uphold a woman’s (or girl’s) decision to let her hair flow past her waist…or be cropped or shaved close to her scalp…or anything in-between.

Likewise, guys should wear their hair however they feel most comfortable…regardless of whether or not you think it looks good on them.