Blind Dates

In some cases, it would’ve been better if I had been truly blind

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In my article “My First Kiss and ‘Inappropriate’ Sex” I teased that I would be writing about this, so I can’t make myself into a liar now, can I? Here is the original post:

The above story is about my first “blind” hookup. At the time, there were so many guys online who were scared to come out (including me) that they didn’t dare share pictures of themselves. Therefore, it ended up being a blind hookup, as were a few others I had. So, tune in next week for “Blind Hookups.” Today, you’re getting Blind Dates.

Blind Dates

I was friends with a Southern Baptist preacher and his wife. This was before I came out. We played cards on the weekend and they were nice enough people, though the preacher was pretty much bipolar.

They wanted me to meet this female and set up a group date with them, “K” and her sister with me and a friend of mine. We went to see a movie and then went to dinner. We had a good time, but I felt very awkward. I tried to be pleasant and make small talk, but it just wasn’t working, for obvious reasons.

It was a time in my life when I was depressed and trying to live like a “normal” person. I don’t know if Benighted or The Sturg can relate. Has there been a time in your life when you tried to conform to what other people thought you should be?

Needless to say (although I’m still saying it; what’s the point of that phrase anyway?), it didn’t work out. Later, she told her sister that I didn’t hold the door open for her. I don’t remember that moment at all and it certainly doesn’t sound like me, but oh well. Sorry, “K” — next time I’ll hold the door.

Not long after that, I came out to one of my friends and she set me up on a blind date. That could be great, right? My friend knows me so she should know whether we would be compatible. We went out as a group, which made it much less awkward. My friend, her niece, the guy, and a “couple” (guy and girl) friends of his.

I knew immediately that my friend had made a mistake. This guy was not at all my type, physically.

At the restaurant, we asked each other questions and that ended up being a bit awkward in front of everyone else. However, it would’ve been even weirder had we been alone.

I don’t ascribe to all the gay stereotypes, so when he asked about some of these, like if I like Cher (I don’t really care for her), I said no. He said, “Are you sure you’re gay?” I almost spit out my drink as my friend started laughing. It seemed we had nothing in common besides the fact that we were both gay.

This happens all the time. “I know someone you should meet. He’s gay too.” Well then, by all means, let me ring the chapel and schedule a wedding day.

Anyway, back to the date. The real clincher came when he went outside for a smoke. For me, smoking was a deal-breaker.

We still had a good time and ordered drinks. Mine came in a really cool, blue glass. After I drank it, I convinced my friend to put it into her purse. Even though it wasn’t a great date, it was my first date with a guy so I wanted to commemorate it.

That same friend set me up on another blind date. Why would I agree to do it again? I don’t know, I guess I was desperate, okay?

We met at Country Kitchen late one night. He was actually quite cute. The problem was he was not a talker and neither was I. We basically just sat there not saying much at all.

I can be a very social person, but I tend to feed off of others. If someone is able to get a conversation going, I am easily able to keep up, adding my thoughts and responding appropriately about the subject. However, if it’s left up to me to come up with the subject, we’re screwed.

We didn’t exchange numbers and never spoke again. I sort of regret it and wish I would’ve given it another chance.

I had another friend just a couple of years ago that said that there was this guy that I should meet (only because he was gay, probably). We were all three supposed to meet at this bar/grill because they had these supposedly great fish tacos. I’d never had fish tacos.

The guy was flabbergasted that I had NEVER HAD FISH TACOS! You know those people. The ones who say, “You mean you’ve NEVER _________ [fill in the blank]?!” as if you’re from another planet because you’ve never experienced this thing that every other person on the face of the Earth surely has done.

So “Fish Taco” and I show up at the bar/grill, but my friend “suddenly” had something come up and couldn’t make it. We were set up. I should’ve seen it coming.

We got a table and from the moment we sat down until we left, Fish Taco did NOT STOP TALKING. Exaggeration? Barely. The only time he wasn’t talking was when his mouth was busy with the thing that everyone on Earth has surely tried. This was the only time I was given the opportunity to speak.

The rest of the time, he talked about his ex-wife, how he wants to move to California, and how much money he makes. Do you know who cares to hear about all of those things? Nobody.

I swear the ONE QUESTION he asked me the entire time was, “How’s the taco?”

Seriously. That’s it.

The only information he learned about me was what I voluntarily told him while he was chewing his food or taking a drink. I had to time it just right, though. If we were both chewing at the same time, I’d lost my chance.

So, you’re probably dying to know the answer to that same question, how were the tacos?

Fine.

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Tagging a few people that probably want to read this Brett Jenae Tomlin, Celia McKinley, C Cap1, Natalie, Bruce Coulter, and Keeley Schroder.