My First Kiss and “Inappropriate” Sex

Numbers 8 and 17 of Keeley Schroder’s February Writing Challenges

I’m probably not supposed to combine these but if I didn’t, I would be writing the same story twice. This is from Keeley Schroder’s February Writing Challenge.

We didn’t have the Internet at home because my parents were stuck in a time loop. We still had a wooden crank telephone hanging on the wall and you had to pick it up and say, “Ernestine, can you connect me to the Dollar Store, please?” I’m not sure how Ernestine was still alive after 175 years, but she was reliable most of the time.

When I started college, I still lived at home because the college was only a 15-minute drive and why pay for “student living” in a dorm or an apartment when I could save that money for the books and parking that cost almost as much as tuition?

I soon discovered chatrooms and singles ads. I used the free versions, of course, but they worked well enough. I talked to several guys, but they didn’t work out, usually because they lived too far away. I met Justin, who attended the same university and we talked back and forth for a while before I worked up enough courage to meet in person.

I went to his house one weekend while his parents were away. He was home alone and had been drinking beer before I got there. He was very good-looking and reminded me of Ryan Phillippe — same blonde, curly hair, and full, sexy lips. Have you ever seen Cruel Intentions? Wow!

We sat awkwardly for a few minutes watching TV and then he asked if I wanted a “tour.” You may have expected that he pointed out the crown molding or the mid-century American furniture, but no. The tour basically consisted of walking back to his bedroom.

The room was dark but there was some sort of neon light — maybe a beer sign, I don’t remember. He shut the door and walked up very close to me, leaned in, and started kissing my neck, jawline, and chin. Then our lips touched and his tongue immediately thrust itself into my mouth.

What?! You’re going to go right in with the tongue? No light pecks, sucking on the lips? You’re just gonna stick it right in there and swirl it around like you’re stirring pasta sauce? It was a real shame because he had very sexy lips; he just didn’t know how to use them properly. The beer breath didn’t help a lot either.

After the tonguing ended, he pushed me back onto the bed (but not forcefully). The tongue battle recommenced as we removed clothing. Then, he proceeded to spin around into a 69 position.

Now, this being my first sexual experience, I did not know what I was doing or what to expect. For instance, I was not prepared for his penis to be poking my tonsils or for his ass to be inches away from my nose. I’m sure you don’t want to read about all the details, so I’ll just say, “And yada, yada, yada, it was over and we put our clothes back on.”

“But you yada-yada’d over the best part.”

“No, I mentioned the tour.”

Later, he contacted me again and said that he met this guy from the Air Force Base who wanted to have a threesome. After only one sexual experience, I was definitely not ready for that, so I declined and I never heard from him again. We ended up having a class together but we pretended that we didn’t know each other.

I write about this as “The most inappropriate sex you’ve had” because, at the time, I was not supposed to be gay, and I was meeting someone from the Internet who I’d never seen before and it was all very discrete and taboo.

I was glad that I was finally able to satisfy the curiosity that I had held for so long. He certainly wasn’t the love of my life, but I’ll always remember him and that night. As awkward as it was, I must say that it was not the worst hookup experience that I’ve ever had.

But that is another story for another day…

Copyright © 2023 Brandon Ellrich

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, please click the clap button 50 times and leave a comment as well. Follow me if you would like to receive updates whenever new posts are published.

If you are not a paying member of Medium, I would like to invite you to join using my referral link. It doesn’t cost you anything extra and it would really help me out. Thanks!

Remember to scroll all the way to the bottom of this page in order for it to be counted as a “read” in Medium’s statistics. Thanks!