Bitter I Could Be

Summary

Dawn Aegle, a former world nomad and current caregiver, grapples with the bitterness of her restricted life caring for her aging mother with dementia during COVID-19, yet finds moments of joy and meaning through small acts of kindness and creativity.

Abstract

Dawn Aegle expresses the emotional turmoil of being a full-time caregiver for her 92-year-old mother in a senior apartment, a situation exacerbated by COVID-19 restrictions. She reflects on the monotony and exhaustion of her daily duties, which contrast sharply with her previous lifestyle of world travel. Despite the challenges, Aegle chooses to embrace the situation by celebrating her mother's birthday with pie, ice cream, and socially-distanced community participation. Through writing, painting, and charitable acts, she transforms her feelings of bitterness into love and joy, finding purpose in bringing smiles and value to others' lives. Aegle also invites donations to the Alzheimer's Association through "The Longest Day" fundraiser and shares her journey on Medium, offering a glimpse into her life as a caregiver navigating the complexities of her role.

Opinions

Aegle acknowledges feelings of bitterness and frustration due to the relentless demands of caregiving and the loss of personal freedom.
She expresses a sense of being trapped in her caregiving role, with no clear end or time for personal relationships.
Despite her struggles, Aegle consciously chooses to focus on the positive aspects of her situation, such as baking pies and organizing a birthday celebration for her mother.
Aegle finds solace and a sense of contribution through creative outlets like painting and writing, and by making a difference in the lives of others.
She views her sacrifices as an act of love and a trade of bitterness for joy, emphasizing the transformative power of a shift in perspective.
Aegle encourages community engagement and support for Alzheimer's awareness and research, highlighting the importance of collective action in the face of adversity.

A caregiver’s lament

Photo by Dawn Aegle

Bitter I could be Stuck in a low-income senior apartment to care for an aging mother approaching 92. Stuck. COVID-restricted from any help or respite. Wings clipped from my former world-nomad lifestyle.

Bitter sometimes I am. With no end in sight to the daily drudgery. A servant I have become to laundry and showers to cooking and cleaning to a hundred reminders all day long of every. little. thing. So tired at the end of every day.

But Mom will be 92 this week. I choose. I bake pies. I buy ice cream and paper plates. I make a sign “Please come.”

Come to the walkway out front. Come with masks. Come for a piece of pie a scoop of ice cream and yell “Happy Birthday” to Mom sitting on the patio.

It is an occasion. Bring old people out of their homes. Keep them safe, but let them talk to one another. Let them sing and smile Let them taste Taste a bit more of life today.

I could be bitter. Where is my life going? Two years here, now. How many more? Fear hides under the surface and sometimes escapes.

No time to date. I must wait. And I wait and wait. Bitter I could be.

Instead I paint. I write. I give. With a shift in thought My sacrifice turns from bitterness into love. Today I helped someone smile. Today I helped many feel valued. Today I traded bitterness for joy.

To donate to “The Longest Day” Alzheimer’s Association fundraiser, held every year on the Summer Solstice, click here.

I am Dawn Aegle, a content writer and transformation coach who sometimes struggles to find meaning in my current role as a 24x7 caregiver for a mother with dementia. Meet me on Medium here.

POETRY

Bitter I Could Be

A caregiver’s lament