avatarScott Ninneman

Summary

The web content is a personal essay and poem reflecting on the experience of living with bipolar disorder, emphasizing the contrast between external appearances of functionality and internal feelings of disconnection and emotional blur.

Abstract

The website presents a raw and introspective look into the life of someone with bipolar disorder through a poem titled "Bipolar Blur." The poem, "Bipolar Blur," describes the author's struggle with the condition, detailing days that seem to pass in a haze, filled with a sense of detachment and the performance of daily tasks without genuine engagement or emotional warmth. Despite appearances of normalcy, the author feels internally disconnected, marking time with a sense of emptiness. The accompanying essay discusses the author's annual ritual of reviewing past journals, which brings back memories of depressive episodes and acknowledges the cyclical nature of bipolar disorder. The author shares that while currently stable, the journals serve as a reminder of the challenges faced and the possibility of future struggles. The piece concludes with a message of hope, encouraging those who relate to the poem to persevere, as clearer days may lie ahead. Additionally, the author invites readers to subscribe to a newsletter for further support and resources related to bipolar disorder.

Opinions

  • The author conveys a stark contrast between their outward functionality and their internal emotional state, highlighting the invisible struggle of living with bipolar disorder.
  • Reflecting on past journals is presented as both a daunting and cathartic process, offering insights into the author's mental health journey and the unpredictable nature of bipolar disorder.
  • The poem suggests that the author feels misunderstood and isolated, with a desire to be seen and understood beyond the facade of normalcy.
  • There is an acknowledgment of the resilience required to live with bipolar disorder, with the author expressing a commitment to continue fighting and encouraging others to do the same.
  • The invitation to join a newsletter and access additional resources implies a communal approach to managing bipolar disorder, suggesting that shared experiences and support can be beneficial.

Poetry

Bipolar Blur

A poem about the days that only swirl around you.

Image created with Canva

Blurred days slip by, I watch, I grieve A glimpse of here and there I rise from bed, act strong, deceive I go I know not where

Surroundings swirl in shaded grays Images stay unclear Red X’s mark off wasted days The sole proof time was here

Most things get done, the job, the meals No mem’ries stake their hold The clock spins fast, no moment heals While inside icy cold

It matters not, asleep, awake The numbness won’t subside Robotic parts disguise the quake Resistant to the tide

No one observes this man of ice The me that isn’t me The lie is sold and bought full price Emptiness added free

Frozen beneath the darkened floor Faint glimpses fail to glow The world goes on no change in score The master leads the show

Won’t someone see, portray the sleuth Pull this dead body clear Ignore the scene, expose the truth Reveal that lies are near

I long for peace, for clarity Dream colors in all hues Real feelings felt, true reverie Blue skies, majestic views

Yet for today, the blur holds sway The resolution low Bipolar laughs, torments its prey No warming winds will blow

  • December 22, 2019

NOTE: Watch this poem as a video below.

As I do at the end of every year, I’ve been paging through my journals lately. With 36 years to choose from, there’s quite a lot to read.

Revisiting the past can be a scary thing, and maybe that’s why I only do it once a year. This year, I’m stable and keeping depression at bay, but reading my words reminds me where I’ve been — where I will probably be again.

When you have bipolar disorder, sometimes the world is a blur around you. From the outside, you appear to be functioning. The world may even think you’re participating, but inside you know you’re only watching, and what you see is unclear.

That’s where these lines come from.

This poem doesn’t reflect where I am today but where I’ve been before. It reminds me that the darkest nights can feel endless, but something good is on the other side.

If you relate to the words above, please hold on. Tomorrow might be the day the clouds part and you see the sun anew.

Until next time, keep fighting.

Sign up for my FREE Sunday All Things Bipolar Newsletter (off-site link) and I’ll send you a few downloadable gifts to improve your life.

Mental Health
Bipolar
Mental Illness
Poem
Poetry
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