Beware the Serial Texter

Is this going anywhere or what?

Do you want the good news or the bad news?

The bad news is:

No, it’s not going anywhere. It’s a wild goose chase. It’s a red herring. It’s Shangri-La.

You got a message out of the blue one day, maybe through Messenger, from this man that you’ve seen around the office, or church, but haven’t ever talked to.

He strikes up a digital conversation, and you are flattered by the unexpected attention. A few days later, he messages you again, then again, and so on. Before you know it, you’ve been messaging back and forth for weeks. But the funny thing is, he hasn’t spoken to you in person. You keep expecting him too, but he doesn’t. Now you’re confused. He seems so eager to talk to you through a keyboard, why not take things to the next level?

What the heck is going on!?

Meet Mr. Serial Texter

He’s funny, witty, eager, and absent. He’ll “talk” with you over an entire day, dragging out the conversation, consistently distracting you from your life with random messages.

His consistency keeps you pulled in, with the expectation that it will progress into something with real substance.

It won’t.

It’s an illusion.

If you work together, or go to the same church, or frequent the same venues, and there is no effort on his part week after week to talk to you face to face, you know all that you need to.

When he can’t be bothered to walk across the room to say “Hi!” but starts up with texts after you’ve left the building, that’s weird. A mature man can carry a conversation in person. He doesn’t hide behind a screen. He’ll want to know how you talk, how you interact, how you carry yourself, and how you handle questions in the moment.

Think about it. You don’t know what a person is really like till you spend a lot of time around them.

If they are avoiding spending time with you, you can be sure they don’t want any kind of real relationship with you.

I’m not saying that he’s necessarily leading you on maliciously. He’ll tell you to feel free to message him anytime. He’ll compliment you, show concern, and support you, all from the comfort of his recliner. He’s having a great time with things the way they are, with no bar of expectation he is required to meet. Because if you’re engaging him by replying and keeping it going, you’re telling him that you’re ok with what he’s doing.

If texting has been the only form of communication used, and it’s been weeks or months, you need to wake up. If you’ve had to hint that you would like him to call you, or have mentioned activities or places you like, and he’s done zip with all of that information, or if he finally agreed to meet up with you one time, but then immediately reverted to texting, you need to realize your time is precious and not let him waste any more of it.

You don’t want to be hung up emotionally and mentally on a man with only a fantasy in your mind about how things could be if he was different, because he’s not different. He is showing you who he is, as well as how much of his time and effort he thinks you are worth.

Messaging is a great supplement to a relationship, not the foundation of it.

Don’t be a man’s entertainment when he’s bored and too lazy and uninterested to spend quality time with you.

Here’s the good news

The serial texter is easy to identify. You’ll know in a pretty short time period if he is serious about getting to know you. You don’t have to let things drag out indefinitely.

Don’t be naive and taken in by the “attention” and seemingly sincere interest. Don’t buy that he’s ‘shy,” or “taking it slow.” We’re not talking about teenagers here.

You can let him know that it would be great to get to know him in person, but if he doesn’t take you up on it, get back to your life because you have things to do and places to go!

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