Passion, Ikigai

Stuck between Passion and Reality

I’ll tell you how to balance it

Since my dad passed away several times ago, there’s no doubt anymore to take a freelance job as a main full-time job. Actually, becoming a freelancer is my long-term goal since I graduated from college. However, it was not easy as I thought since I was also born with a low middle family income as well. I failed to save money after 4 years of working. Either because the income is not high enough, or because I put too much emphasis on emotions so I always fail to save money and justify it with a reason YOLO. Since pandemic corona comes among us, I finally experience the real economic crisis. Even though I’m not born a wealthy person but I also can’t deny that my previous situation is still enough to make me picky about choosing a job. Until the time came when I totally ran out of money, and my family also went through the same trouble. From there I was determined, after getting a new job that was at least according to my standards, I would save until one day my savings were enough to survive when I wanted to shift to become a full-fledged freelancer. Until then my father passed away, and at that moment I felt numb and not afraid of anything anymore because one of the most precious things in my life was gone. I felt like I could take any risk, and I thought why to wait any longer if I can do what I want right now.

Being a freelancer was fantastic for my mental health and I really feel more alive though it’s not so for my wallet. If you are a freelancer or content creator, you will understand how difficult the early phases of your career can be. Suddenly this year I got a full-time job offer again, and the owner agreed after I negotiated for remote work. Besides the flexibility of place, remote work is still a full-time job which I should follow the rule. Eventually, in March I started to feel burnout again and was finally forced to sacrifice my side hustle (again). I’m exhausted after work, and I have no ideas for writing even though I force myself to sit in front of the laptop. My viewer, which just went up in February, I had to let it go down drastically in March and April. I hate feeling like I’m always pawning my dreams for money. But I also don’t want those who are too biased to pursue a passion but then override reality.

So, I write this post, not to patronize you but rather to remind myself to balance passion and reality. If you are in the same boat with me, hopefully, some points below will help you too

You Have to be Smart to Manage this

A side hustle is not easy as a lot of affirmations are written. Others may simply tell you to go to a side hustle. You can work during the day to pay bills and at night you work for your passion. In fact, you will find yourself exhausted, running out of energy until you can no longer think clearly about your side hustle. Until all you want to do is watch YouTube and scroll through social media until you get sleepy. Especially when you see that your side hustle hasn’t really paid off. You started saying just rest today and will come back tomorrow. Until tomorrow you are still doing the same thing until the passion and side hustle that you desire is only a discourse. So, be selective in using your time because it is the most valuable asset in your life.

Adding this Every Time Do Something

Even though you have made a to-do list, it will be difficult to commit to it especially if you feel burned out and exhausted. The reason why is because you forget to add one important part of it. That is emotion. Emotions can come naturally when you do something from the heart. and it will also be seen from the output of your work. For some reason, when you do something with all your heart, you subconsciously want to do your best at the job, not just because you are completing an obligation. I involve emotions inside hustle but sometimes fail to apply that in my full-time job. Until when I was forced to sacrifice one of them, which for now, of course, a full-time job is still my priority, there was a feeling of unwillingness and finally, I felt imprisoned by the reality that I created myself. Even though if only I was more sincere in doing it, I would have more energy left at the end of the day to then continue the side hustle to which I am willing to commit.

Refill this One Every Day

However, our feelings change quickly. Commitment and discipline aren’t always enough. There are times when we feel so excited, then suddenly there are times when we feel hopeless and want to quit. Because the grass is greener when you water it. You need a refill booster every day to keep your dreams alive. Let it hang in front of you or where you can always see it. It’s not enough to make an iconic image as wallpaper on your mobile or desktop. But you need to do something for your dream every day even if it’s a small thing. Because love is a verb. If you like writing, at least take the time to read one new article every day. If you want to travel the world, you can commit to memorizing at least one new vocab every day. There will be times when you have to prioritize reality over your passion. You may feel guilty when you skip on the first day. But the more often you do it, you’ll see that your dreams are somehow not as fiery as they used to be. and when you try again, you realize your sense of doing it starts to get stuck and you feel like a beginner again. I don’t know why you suddenly become insecure and inappropriate. Until finally it was buried without being anything. This is not just spending the time but how you invest it. Keep doing trigger triggers that spark your dreams until you feel you have arrived at your destination without feeling tired. In my opinion, commitment and discipline are a result not a way. They will appear, once you have found the strong why you start it.

Bottom Line

Never feel underserved to dream, because it is everyone’s right including you. Never ignore the reality, because you might be in pain and difficult if you are not good at dealing with it.

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