Summary

The author, a transgender woman, shares her personal journey of developing her décolleté through hormone therapy and the profound impact it has had on her sense of gender validity and sexuality.

Abstract

The article delves into the author's experience with her evolving body as she transitions. She recalls the first time she noticed a bra with a small bow, symbolizing décolleté, and how the French term resonated with her more than the word "cleavage." As she began taking hormones, she developed her own décolleté, which she initially found amusing but later appreciated as a source of gender affirmation and sexiness, despite having to conceal it under male clothing due to societal expectations. The author reflects on the contrast between societal norms of masculinity and her personal embrace of feeling sexy, especially at the age of sixty. She acknowledges the vanity in being told she looks younger and the thrill of subtle self-expression through her attire. The article concludes with the author expressing pride in her décolleté and a desire for acceptance, as well as the therapeutic and educational purposes of her writing.

Opinions

The author finds the term "décolleté" to be more appealing and sophisticated than "cleavage."
She experienced a sense of achievement and validation upon developing her own décolleté through hormone therapy.
The author challenges traditional gender roles by embracing her sexuality and femininity, moving from a sense of macho to sexy.
She admits to feeling a sense of vanity in being told she looks younger, which she considers to be a genderless trait.
The act of leaving an extra button unbuttoned is a small act of rebellion and self-expression for the author.
She expresses a wish for her décolleté to be noticed and appreciated, particularly by other women.
The author's writing serves as a form of self-therapy, a means to connect with other transgender individuals, and an effort to foster understanding and acceptance from cisgender people.

Between My Breasts

I finally have my own décolleté

I remember the first bra I ever saw. I had a girlfriend in eighth grade and every bra she wore had a small bow between the cups of her bra. When I noted it, she said that it was her “décolleté.”

I thought, what a great word. It just seemed to roll off my tongue. It was so French and it sounded so much more sexy than “cleavage”.

It wasn’t until I finally took French in my high school freshman year that I learned what “décolleté” meant. Technically it means “wearing a low-neck dress” but it is generally recognized as the cleavage and lower neck area of a woman.

It wasn’t until two years ago, taking hormones as a transgender woman, that I started to develop my own décolleté. In the beginning, it simply looked like a dent in the center of my chest but as I grew to a 40 DD chest I finally found a bra that fit. Magically it transformed my chest into breasts and I also found my very own cleavage.

I childishly giggled at the discovery.

Décolleté sounds so much more sexy than “cleavage” which sounds like something that happens in a butcher store. It is so cool to have my very own. It gives me a sense of gender validity even if I have to hide it under my male clothing. The need to be a stealthy male for now does nothing to diminish the special feeling I have from this new part of my life. It has added a very new experience that truly startled me.

My décolleté makes me feel sexy.

Wow! That took a lot to admit!

Guys are never raised to feel sexy. Their accepted option is to look macho. For me, to move from macho to sexy is an incredible process and it took many painful years of gender dysphoria and the resulting therapy to admit publicly that I really like being sexy.

I am still digesting that one.

It’s even harder to admit because I am in my 60’s. I take solace that I have been told that I look younger. Sorry, but that kind of vanity is totally genderless.

I have noticed that I tend to leave an extra button un-buttoned on my button-down shirts. Being bra-less, I feel a little risqué (gotta love the sexuality of French) when I do it but it’s all in my head. Since I still present predominantly male, it’s like being topless in a room of blind men.

So who cares?

Well, selfishly, me.

Seeing my décolleté makes me feel good. I don’t care if other men notice it. Funny, as I write this, I honestly thought: “Gee it would be exciting if another woman did.”

Hmmm, I’ll save that for another post.

It’s late and I am taking my décolleté off to bed. It’s been a long day.

Cheers.

Emma Holiday

Thank you for reading my work.

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My writing has three specific goals:

1. Writing is my therapy. I have a very limited outlet for my thoughts so I write to find a way to process the most profound experience in my life. I need to understand and I need to accept myself to move forward.

2. Being transgender, for me, is a very lonely existence and if I can share some of the things that I feel and think as I go through the process of transitioning with others who are transgender and, in some way, lessen their pain and sense of loneliness, then all of this public exposure of my personal thoughts is not a waste.

3. I write to help cisgender people understand that all trans people want is to be simply understood, accepted and treated as a normal person. We are.