Summary

A transgender woman shares her journey from struggling with gender dysphoria to embracing her identity through Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), highlighting the personal significance of her breast development as a contrast to "man-boobs" (gynecomastia).

Abstract

The author, a transgender woman, recounts her transition from living with a male chest to developing breasts through Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). She details her lifelong battle with gender dysphoria, the relief and rightness she felt after starting HRT, and the societal challenges she faces. The narrative emphasizes the distinction between her chosen breast development and the condition of gynecomastia, often a source of social embarrassment for males. She asserts her identity as a transgender female, the reality of her condition, and the legitimacy of her gender, supported by her hormone levels aligning with those of a premenopausal woman. The author celebrates her breasts as a hard-fought and meaningful part of her transition, despite the ongoing struggle to find a properly fitting bra.

Opinions

The author views her transition, particularly the development of breasts, as a necessary and life-saving correction of a birth defect.
She expresses dissatisfaction with her former male chest and a strong desire to align her physical appearance with her gender identity.
The author criticizes the societal stigma and lack of understanding surrounding transgender individuals, advocating for acceptance based on medical and scientific facts.
She conveys a sense of frustration with the social debate over the legitimacy of her gender, indicating it as a "long and bumpy fight."
The author takes a firm stance on her gender identity, stating that she is satisfied being a transgender female and that her breasts are a real and integral part of who she is.
She acknowledges the therapeutic role of writing in processing her experiences and advocates for empathy and understanding from cisgender individuals.

Breasts vs Man-Boobs

A Transgender Tale

Four years ago I had a normal male chest, hair and all. It was flat, moderately muscular with the obligatory useless male nipples. It fit my body and I hated it.

Then I started Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). I took medication to suppress my testosterone and increase my estradiol. For a male who just turned sixty, that would seem like an odd decision to make but for me, it was an act of survival.

After a lifetime battle with the gender I was raised as, I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria, a symptom of being transgender. I was born in a male body but wired female, a reality I have been fighting all my life. It has only been in the last 15 years that science and medicine finally came up with the facts necessary to identify the condition and arrive at proven cures for the condition.

Basically, by producing testosterone my body was creating a toxic reaction in my brain that over time grew to a level that gender dysphoria created panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. It took 60 years for me to reach breaking point. I finally got professional help.

Once I started HRT everything changed. It felt like putting out a fire in my brain or running a car engine on the correct gas. I just felt right.

OK so now we get to the debating point, am I really a female? All I can say is that I am satisfied with being a transgender female. It is how I identify. I exist, so people will have to figure it out for themselves. If you choose to investigate my gender legitimacy on the web, be prepared for a long and bumpy right.

According to my latest lab results my estradiol level is 126, within the range of a premenopausal woman and a testosterone level of 28, a drop from 368 prior to starting hormone therapy.

HRT did its job.

All right, back to breasts vs man boobs. What do I have?

The medical term for man-boobs is gynecomastia. Experts believe that hormonal imbalance and obesity are the main causes for the condition. Males who suffer from that condition are socially embarrassed by it and seek ways to reduce or eliminate the condition.

But I don’t have man boobs, I am not male and never have been nor am I obese.

I have chosen to cure a birth defect by taking hormones. I love finally having the breasts. They and all the other changes that hormones have brought are a wish come true for a child who wished every night that she would wake up as the girl she knew she was and then was forced to spend the rest of her life suppressing her dream to just be herself because Society said she was wrong.

Now society knows better, or, based on medicine and science, they should. So, for me, my breasts are real and they are mine. Hard fought for and finally realized.

Now if I can only find a bra that fits…

Emma Holiday

Thank you for reading my work.

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Writers note: If you have read any of my writings on Medium you will have noticed a definite theme: the incredible pain of gender dysphoria and all the difficult aspects of just being transgender.

My writing has three specific goals:

1. Writing is my therapy. I have a very limited outlet for my thoughts so I write to find a way to process the most profound experience in my life. I need to understand and I need to accept myself to move forward.

2. Being transgender, for me, is a very lonely existence and if I can share some of the things that I feel and think as I go through the process of transitioning with others who are transgender and, in some way, lessen their pain and sense of loneliness, then all of this public exposure of my personal thoughts is not a waste.

3. I write to help cisgender people understand that all trans people want is to be simply understood, accepted and treated as a normal person. We are.