Life lessons
Better Sociable Interactions for the Socially Awkward
Raised by wolves? How to play well with others
Let’s get this straight from the jump: wolves get a bad rap. The Canis lupus or grey wolf is a social pack animal that lives, hunts, and cooperates with other members. I was raised by wolves — not the healthy, happy pack but the wild alpha who drives others from the group. I also come from a tribe of ambiverts, the type who sparkles and shines in front of an audience and then displays other characteristics such as silence and quiet.
Used to be shy. I get the socially awkward thing. As a kid, I wanted to be Batman. It was not a healthy choice, but there we have it.
Through study, experience, and original research, I’ve enhanced my social skills and now have the social ease of an attendee of a graphic novel convention. Left to nature’s own devices (“red in tooth and claw,”) I tend to play poorly with others. This isn’t just modesty — folks who know me think this, too.
It’s not that I have a bad attitude (or not just that, okay?). If I listened to and respected my psychiatrist(s), then I would probably accept that I have a social phobia. And yet, oh, I enjoy the company of others. The complexities of being an ambivert who enjoys camaraderie and silence, space and greenery, and the city lights. Pretty much like everyone else?
Also, let’s be honest: while the best things in life are free, this does not include shelter. Space costs. We may all dream of a deserted private island, but only billionaires and castaways will make it happen. That and the private planes, mansions, and yachts — the privacy and, some would say, secrecy that a stash of cash affords.
The rest of us are going to have to share. The forecast is B&B, apartment shares, bunks, hostels, motels, van life, camping, glamping, and that stop-gap travel year thing that the Amish do intrigues. If you’ve stayed in a hostel, a shared living room at a family gathering, or a couch tour to promote an artistic project, then you know what I’m talking about.
Close to home and far away
Being a great guest knows no limits. You may often be called upon to be guests in different places and spaces. Fight with your lover and end up on your cousin’s couch? Guest. Traveling to give a talk and staying in a hotel the next town over? Guest. Traveling to engage with another country, continent, or culture? Guest. All of these take the same tools of care and consideration.
As someone who’s seen the benefits of learning how to share with others, live cooperatively, and be a good co-oper, I know that with a little bit of attitude and gratitude, you, too, can be a bodacious guest. And I can teach you because I have the rep of being “the politest guest I’ve ever had.”
And you know how I know it’s true praise and not simply “blowing smoke up your skirt?”? Because I only think— and do not say aloud, “You really need to get out more, then!”
Please read this in the spirit of love and respect with which it’s written. Still, I gotta illustrate my teaching and preaching about sociability with a story about the late great jazz musician and all-around beautiful human being, Henry Butler, the incredible down-and-dirty blues/jazz pianist.
The New York Times described the unstoppable Buttler as “percussive in his attack, ostentatious with his technique…the picture of stubborn mischief.” Isn’t that the truth?
“billowing whole-tone glissandi; furrowed, Monkish hiccups; boppish two-handed octaves; flare-ups of funk and Chopin.”
The review went on to discuss a “stylistic consommé,” which is just a fancy way of saying hot gumbo seasoned with, as the Times called it, “billowing whole-tone glissandi; furrowed, Monkish hiccups; boppish two-handed octaves; flare-ups of funk and Chopin.”
Mr. Buttler, blind since birth, didn’t let his visual impairment stop his extraordinary musicianship, photography experiments, or Butler driving a car down quiet country backstreets. My playing well with others is like Butler piloting a motor. We can be awed, appalled, shocked — all right — but then catch the nobility in undertaking the task.
Takeaway lessons
1) If Boots can walk the talk, anyone can do it.
2)There but for the grace…
Whether you’re a guest resting with friends and family or one residing snug and solo, being a guest and doing a walkabout in the world is an outstanding opportunity to learn from and teach others. To dance, prance, and interact. It can inspire you to barrel, balls to the walls, down dark country roads, and make music that inspires the evangelicals to shout out Hallelujah!
