Improve your personality to boost your happiness

Want to improve your relationships and your opportunities? Improve your personality first.

by: E.B. Johnson

How often do you sit back and consider how you display yourself to the outside world? How you act and react to it? Our personalities play a key role in everything from the relationships we form, to the level of professional success we are able to achieve. It helps to dictate the course of our lives, and it can have an effect on everything in it.

Personalities are not formed in one pivotal moment. For many, they are always growing and changing; being shaped by the events in the past, the present, and (one day) the future. These personalities are a reflection of our experiences, as well as our beliefs, and in order to change them we have to consider both. Are you looking to improve your life from the inside out? Try improving your personality.

Personality plays a big part in happiness.

Though it’s not something many people consider, our personality is a shiftable part of self which plays a key role in the interpersonal relationships we develop. It’s the outward self we present to the world, and attracts its like in experiences, partners, and opportunities. If you’re someone with a negative, abusive, or awkward personality — you can find yourself struggling in a world which craves social-closeness and respect.

Our personalities can best be described as the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that comprise who we are as a person. All of these things are shaped by the events we experience over our lifetimes. Childhood, especially, plays a crucial role in this development and who we choose to be as adults.

Although our childhood and our caretakers can impact our personalities, we can also make conscious changes to improve that sense of character. By improving our personalities, we often notice an improvement too in our personal relationships and even the opportunities that are available to us professionally. We have to dose ourselves with some brutal honesty, though, and find the courage to be our most authentic selves.

Could your personality use a boost?

Could your personality use a boost? It’s a question many of us never ask — even when we’re confronted with the negative effects of our questionable behavior and interactions. In order to improve any aspect of ourselves or our lives, though, we have to first admit where we might be falling short.

Inability to take criticism

No one likes to get it wrong, but it’s even worse when someone else tells you how to put it right. It’s hard to take criticism; especially when it feels like rejection. We have to learn to accept these outside opinions, however, as they often provide us with the renewed perspective we need to improve ourselves. When you have an inability to take critiques, it leads to fraught relationships and endless aggravations.

Failing in honesty

Are you honest with yourself? How about with your partner or your friends? Are you honest with your parents or your boss? Honesty is important, and it helps to improve our communication and trust. When we fail in this honesty, we create divides that drive us from ourselves and even those who we love most. They stop seeing us as someone who values them, and that causes our own value to drop in their eyes (creating a negative feedback loop).

Zero backbone

Do you have an easy time standing up for yourself? Do you ask for the things you want, or make clear what you needs and expectations are with others? All of these things require a certain level of assertiveness and a certain level of self-esteem. When you don’t stick up for yourself, or believe you don’t have a right to, you can find yourself at the mercy of others. Especially those who would take advantage of you in the worst ways possible.

Collapsing social groups

Personality plays a big part in the social groups, and intimate relationships we build for ourselves. Those with aggressive, abrasive, or otherwise confrontational personalities can find that they struggle to keep people close or letting people in. Likewise, those with soft, pliable, or otherwise nebulous personalities can find that they often end up shifting social circles that leave them feeling small and out-of-place.

Little upward movement

What kind of upward movement is there in your life? Do you find that new opportunities come easy, or that you’re regularly able to sweet talk yourself into a better deal? These are all things accomplished on the back of a strong, yet sociable personality. It can help you be successful, even when you don’t realize it. In order to create more opportunities for ourselves, we can improve our personalities and the way people relate to us.

No sense of respect

Respect is so crucial, but in an increasingly narcissistic world — it seems to become more and more of a pipe dream. We should respect ourselves as much as we respect other people. We have to understand that everyone has a right to happiness, civility, and their own points of view. Failing to keep sight of this foundation of respect drives us from one another into resentment. Give everyone space to do their own thing, and a personality that thrives in that environment.

Holding on to the past

Massive aspects of our personality are based around the experiences of our past. Trauma in childhood or adolescence goes a long way to inform the beliefs we adopt as adults. In order to boost our personalities the right way, it’s necessary to confront these past issues. So that we can then work through them in order to achieve healing and wholeness.

Endlessly irritated

Are you endlessly irritated by the world around you? Do you lash out? Collapse in tears? Constantly push people away with your over-the-top antics or lack of control? Emotions are a powerful thing, but we have to be aware of them and within that learn how to control them. This kind of self-awareness is invaluable and unlocks so many avenues of possibility where our interpersonal relationships (and opportunities) are concerned.

The best ways to improve your personality.

If you’re tired of all the irritations and endless conflict, you can make some dramatic shifts in your personality by simply engaging in more positive techniques. From trying new things to lean into authenticity (with intention) — you have the power to improve who you are in any way that suits.

1. Try new things more often

How often do you make a conscious effort to expand your definitions of self? Do you regularly let yourself float outside of your comfort zone? Do you try new things and purposely set out to meet new people? These are all things we can do to expand on and improve our personalities. It’s scary, though, and it can be an uncomfortable part of the process.

You need to expand your interests so you can uncover new aspects of self. Until you put yourself in some new situations, you’ll never be able to test those untried parts of who you are.

Look for classes you can take on new and interesting subjects. Reach out and talk to new people who have different experiences and different perspectives from your own. You can expand your own personality when you find new definitions of what a personality can be. There are examples all around. Look to new vistas you admire and find ways to connect with your own soul in the same way.

2. Work out the kinks

What are the most negative aspects of your personality? Do you snap at others when you’re aggravated? Lash out or shut down whenever your feelings get hurt, or you feel rejected? We all have certain “kinks” to our personality which can make it harder for us to connect and navigate with one another. In order to heal these (and replace them with better ways of thinking and connecting) we have to first fess up to them and the till they take.

Sit down and take a good hard look at yourself. What negative beliefs are you harboring? How does it cause you to respond when you’re happy? Sad? Angry or close to success? By facing these shortcomings, we can find better ways to respond and reconnect with the people (and experiences) which matter.

You don’t have to reconfigure who you are entirely. You just need to look at those parts which elicit the most negative feedback in your life. Remember: this has little to do with making others comfortable and everything to do with making your life a more enjoyable experience for you. Tweaking your personality can result in major benefits for your interpersonal relationships.

3. Master your emotions

Emotional awareness is such a key part of evolving as a human being, but many of us get distracted from mastering this skill. To be emotionally aware (or intelligent) means being able to identify, acknowledge, and understand how your emotions work within and without. You can also identify these same patterns in others. When we are more emotionally aware, we become more in control of who we are, and that makes all the difference in improving our personalities.

Become more aware of your feelings and how they impact your reactions and interactions with the world around you. Look for patterns or habits that elicit the most negative responses from those around you. How do you act when you’re upset or stressed? How do those emotions affect your self-esteem or social circles?

Mindful journalling is the best way to capture your emotions for study. Rather than relying on a faulty memory (which is greatly impacted by the strength of our emotions) — journalling allows us to record our emotions in real-time and come back to them when we’re prepared to sort through with detachment and an open mind. Before you can master your personality, you need to master your emotions and the thoughts and behaviors behind them.

4. Increase your self-confidence

Self-confidence is so important when it comes to building a personality that is strong and authentically ours. Lacking in self-confidence or self-esteem forces us to abandon any personal exploration. When we’re not comfortable with who we are, it’s impossible to dig any deeper. So, we end up taking on the beliefs and behaviors of others; completely alienating our core values and sense of authenticity.

If you’re truly prepared to make changes that count, then you need to increase your self-confidence. You have a right to be whoever you want to be, but within that you also have a right to be kind, happy, and at peace with the world (and yourself). In order to do that, though, you need to believe in you.

Surround yourself with people who believe in you, people who build you up. As much as you can, limit the negative environments around you and seek to put positivity in the forefront of all your interactions. Fall in love with yourself on the inside and on the outside too. Look in the mirror every day and celebrate 3 things about your body. At night, write down (in a journal) 3 things you did well or felt good about.

5. Lean into authenticity

In order to improve our personalities in a genuine manner, we have to lean into our authenticity mindfully and with intention. All the steps we have taken above lead to this one final and ultimate step — standing bravely in the light of the person you were always supposed to be. Someone who is strong enough to be both vulnerable and compassionate, while standing strong for their needs and values.

Sit down and draw out your ideal personality. Who do you want to be to others (in an ideal world)? How do you want to carry yourself and relate to the world around you? What beliefs do you want to hold? How do you want to be remembered by your children and your grandchildren?

Figure out who you’re supposed to be and be that person. Don’t worry whether someone will like your quirkiness, or the eclectic way in which you see the world. Other people won’t be there with you at the finish line. You are the only person who has to live comfortably with the person inside of you. Build someone you’re proud of, and a personality that allows you to be that person successfully.

Putting it all together…

Our personalities play a role in everything from our personal relationships to the opportunities for success we’re confronted with. An amalgamation of our thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors — personality is something which is shaped by our experiences. Want to improve your relationships and the way you see the world? Try being more proactive about improving your personality.

Try new things more often and allow your personality to branch out by branching out your life intentionally. Take classes and make new friends. Go beyond your comfort zone, and within that exploration learn how to confront any shortcomings you might find in your personality. These kinks generally manifest in the behaviors and belief patterns that elicit the most negative response from those who matter. Interact in more positive ways with your world, and it will return the favor in improved relationships and opportunities. Master your emotions and build up your self-esteem. Then, you can lean into the authenticity it takes to build a personality that lights up a room.