“Believe in Yourself” Is The Worst Advice Ever and Here’s Why

I gave this advice to a friend and I regret it

The worst advice you can adhere to when you have an ambitious goal is, “believe in yourself”.

Why should you believe in yourself, why can’t the rest?

Why should you shoulder all the pressure when what you are doing is for the greater good?

Believe in yourself is vague and useless.

I gave this advice to a friend who was going after a personal project.

He had all the belief in the world.

2 months later, he failed and ended up depressed and filled with self-mistrust. I regret giving him that advice.

It seems right, doesn’t it? I mean you HAVE to believe in yourself otherwise how can you accomplish something amazing.

Right?

In a way, yes, but it is very much incomplete.

My premature thinking

My initial thinking was, to have a goal, work hard, but ultimately believe in yourself. That was supposed to be enough.

Spoiler alert; It wasn’t.

When results didn't come it gave rise to some of the most unproductive and miserable months of my life.

This is what I learnt

If you have to start embarking on a goal by believing in yourself, you might not have a genuine relationship with yourself, to begin with.

Your self-belief means you believe you can make it happen.

What happens if you don’t?

Do you give up? Because you did believe in yourself, it still didn't happen, or do you make up excuses about why you failed?

Turns out in this way, these are the only two options. You have to constantly lie to yourself.’

Let me explain.

Think of it this way, and I am totally stealing this from JulienHimself.

Imagine you were at a supermarket and you decide to start a conversation with a stranger.

Like this,

Hey, I am Rafay.

They’ll be confused and go, ok….?

They’ll be thinking, that’s weird.

Maybe they tell you your name as well. Fair enough.

Imagine you then say,

I watched an amazing movie yesterday.

They would think you are being creepy and might rush to get out of that conversation immediately, it would be awkward as anything.

But what if you went in like this,

Hey, my name is Rafay, I just moved into town and don't know anybody here, just wanted to say hi.

The response would be much different. Maybe you go out for a bite to eat with them as well.

Now, why is this?

In the second case, you came clear with your reason. Why are you talking to them?

In the first case, it was all weird and creepy.

The same is the case with yourself

When you say, I will believe in myself your mind asks why?

You need to answer that question.

If not, it is like taking a shortcut.

Let’s say you know you are greedy. You don't say I want money because I am a greedy [insert swear]. You say I want money.

Why?

Now being greedy is not a deep unique reason, I am just using it as an example.

We end up living in a false state of mind then, by not addressing what is really inside us but just accepting what goes on at the surface.

When you take a bite of yourself, don't just scrape the surface with the spoon, go deeper. Make sure you get a handle on all the layers.

The problem with ‘‘believe in yourself’’

Simply believing in yourself won't get you through the tough times. A deep unique reason will. It gives you a sense of purpose.

Once you accept a purpose, you protect it like a baby. You strive to reach it every day.

Elon Musk was asked by an interviewer about giving up.

He said I never give up, it's not in my nature.

Now for the normal person, it is easy to conclude that he is made of something amazing and totally different from all the rest.

Of course, he is that successful, can you see the amount of belief he has in himself?

While the actual reason is when facing hard times he escapes to his sense of purpose. If he doesn't keep going, he has nothing else to live for.

His purpose is to save the future of humanity. A deep and unique purpose. One that transcends him alone and brings upwards of 8 billion people into the mix.

That is why he was born.

Believing in yourself is simply you alone. The problem is, we all let ourselves down countless times in a day.

How many times do we make commitments we can't keep, make schedules we cant follow?

Self-belief is all over the world. Ask a random stranger, do you think you can change the world if you tried to? At least, 80% will say yes! Yet the odds of them changing the world are slim to none.

You can do anything you try to is a very famous line.

The biggest difference-makers in the world have a sense of purpose, a reason to live. They go after something bigger than themselves.

That keeps them going.

You can easily let yourself down, but when your kids, parents, loved ones jump into the mix you do everything possible to not let them down.

That is where your why comes in.

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