Being a Social Justice Warrior Doesn’t Make You a Good Person

When abusers bury themselves in the crowds of progress

“But he’s vegan? He cares about women’s rights. We even walked past a homeless person and he said ‘Fuck I feel awful, I haven’t got any change.’”

My friend couldn’t wrap her head around how someone so considerate could make for such a vicious partner.

When it comes to perpetrators of domestic abuse — the social image they create for themselves, by themselves, is the most influential tool they have to shield their truth.

If there is good opinion of them, if they are considered kind, fun, thoughtful, giving, compassionate — a victim’s experience is less likely to be believed.

“But they could never hurt a fly!”

It is this manipulation of people’s perception, this suckering of friends’ and strangers’ beliefs, that render abusers near untouchable.

And what better way to solidify a “good guy” image than to advocate for social justice.

Sadly, and quite horrifyingly, it is not at all uncommon for a perpetrator of abuse to immerse themselves within the crowds of progress.

Often even with the audacity to show up at Women’s Rights movements — or more audacious still, infiltrate groups and organisations actioning for domestic abuse awareness and support for survivors.

How darkly twisted is that.

Not out of guilt, not to repent for their sins. But to —

manipulate perception and intimidate victims.

You may object here. “A person can be abusive and still care about the environment.”

This is true.

Some abusers will indeed have an authentic investment in certain Social Causes.

An ex-abusive partner of mine, for example, was a vegetarian and advocated for animal rights. This was all genuine.

The paradoxical existence of caring for one whilst abusing another does happen.

But, even with that genuine intent, an abuser will still recognise the advantages of being seen as a Social Justice Warrior.

And where there is an advantage to be taken — ulterior motive is never too far away.

I emphasised the word “certain” because when it comes to movements such as the progression of Women’s Rights, Feminism, Equality — that same paradox doesn’t get to exist.

One doesn’t get to care about women whilst at the same time abusing them.

One doesn’t get to promote equality whilst at the same time brutally asserting power and intently inflicting oppression.

This gaping disparity between apparent social morality and private criminality cannot be ignored.

Rallying support for Social Causes, campaigning for the rights of the oppressed, displaying apparent morals, values, and integrity when they themselves abuse behind closed doors —

Is a form of gaslighting.

Gaslight: to manipulate (someone) by psychological means into doubting their own reality — and therefore sanity.

The very physical embodiment of this fabricated Social Justice character is, in and of itself, enough to gaslight.

“This can’t be abuse, my partner is so compassionate. Am I the problem?” A victim doubts their lived experience, and therefore own discernment.

“No, they care far too much to ever be able to harm anyone.” The community, persuaded by this fabrication, doubts reported alternatives.

Reality has been masked, evaded, hidden — tricked.

And truth goes mostly unscrutinised, unscathed, untouched…and unbothered.

A perpetrator of domestic abuse will go to any necessary lengths to create and protect, a “good guy” image which will facilitate for them a power to abuse with minimum risk of exposure.

And sadly —

communities of Social Justice are no more immune to these types than any other.

Burying within the crowds of progress — does not abdicate abusers of their sin.

Advocating for social change — does not implicitly mean a person is safe.

Protesting social injustice — does not inherently qualify anyone as being good.

(And that goes for discerning the integrity of all people by the way, not just abusers.)

If you, dearest reader, have yourself experienced the wrath of a wolf in sheep’s hemp clothing — this article is here to validate your experience.

And for the collective, I encourage your continued use of discernment, negotiations with intuition — and validation of any red flags you may come across in all circles you choose to engage in.

I wish you well, I wish you peace. Solidarity.

Thank you for reading this article and arming yourself with knowledge to help identify for you abusers and their tactics.

If you would like to learn more on how best to support anyone undergoing an abusive relationship, I’ve written more on that exact advice here:

And here:

Providing safe support doesn’t look like how most would imagine. And therefore I regard the above to be essential reading.

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