Be Yourself
Which one of them do you want me to be?
In my latest article, I explained that the phrase “be yourself” is often a fake insurance that we give insecure people when they need to face difficult situations. As a matter of fact, we will never tell a confident person to be themself.
The expression “I’m just being myself” is another excuse that many people who don’t want to improve use to cover up their flaws and limitations. In fact, high-value people will find it irrelevant to point out that they are just being themselves.
Furthermore, the phrase “be yourself” is conceptually ambiguous. If we consider the multidimensionality of each human being, there are at least two main reasons why this concept is in most cases misleading.
1. It creates an illusion of permanence
If you reflect on who you were ten years ago, you will notice that you are a different person now. Some events may have had the greatest impact on you, but the overall changes that have occurred over those years were very progressive.
That is why, if you examine your evolution process closely, you will realize that you have grown almost every day.
As a result, when we tell someone to be themself, we subconsciously infer that the person we think they are or the idea that comes to mind when we see them is who they are as they perform the action that causes the social incoherence. They may, however, be far away from that abstract person.
2. It leads people to believe that we should only have one personality trait
Most of us have a mix of personality traits, some of which are complementary, and some others are contradictory. The ones that we use the most define the way people perceive us.
However, each one of those traits can be activated depending on the context, our feelings about that specific context, and our state of mind at that time.
That is, it’s tricky to tell someone to be themself, for we are urging them to be someone that they most likely don’t even know. Besides, this type of assertion is logically false because nobody can know someone completely, let alone advising them to be themself.
What’s next
Given all the above, the phrase “be yourself” is not an appropriate expression to use when you want to boost someone’s confidence.
Because, instead of being helpful, it can even be confusing and misleading.
Therefore, if you want to empower someone, remind them that they can perform better by simply pointing out that they can use their best version or by telling them that they are capable of doing what has been assigned to them. As for everything in life, try to be as specific as you can. For example, if someone is going to give a conference, tell them that they are a good speaker if you think that they are.
Moreover, stop saying “I am just being myself” for every circumstance, sometimes it sounds redundant. And it can even make you look careless and selfish. If you realize that an aspect of your life is not good, improve it if you can. If you can’t change it, accept it for what it is and move on with your life. But don’t use this flaw to justify everything that has happened to you.
Keep in mind that you are a multifaceted and complex being. You are not defined by your flaws and limitations. They are only a small part of who you are. Thus, work as hard as you can to always project your best version.