EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

It Takes Minimal Efforts to Be a Reliable Shoulder For Someone

A reminder on the therapeutic effects of talking

I abstain entirely from using text chatting as a means of communication. Ghosting for days, unavailable timings, misinterpretation of messages, combination of so many threads/replies ( replies make Whatsapp group discussion feel like a real mess ) in DMs and group messages and don’t even talk about screenshots, videos and memes to cover the seriousness with funny anecdotes.

Talking fixed my family

I learned the importance of talking after healing my own family. My father and elder brother had a lot of differences in ideas. Generation gaps will be there all the time, that’s why they still disagree a lot on some topics.

Now that we understand “agree to disagree” is a potent tool we can use to respect each others opinion, it did not happen until I talked my elders together and also separately in person.

It took years of effort to show them that talking can help sort out the ramming thoughts.

Talking releases stress by unloading your mind.

I believe in decreasing sorrow and confusion by talking because it releases a whole lot of mental stress quickly than any other coping mechanism. Especially, if you vent to someone you can trust, the tension reduces even faster!

While chatting in text, you are probably multi-tasking and not giving proper attention to the person on the other side: the person who might use some emotional support.

How will you even understand the problem they are going through? If you don’t understand, how will you also heal them? On top of that, multi-tasking will even affect your brain negatively by decreasing your attention span. Give a chance to empathy here. It has the power to build lasting relations.

It is one of the reasons why some students and even famous people stop sharing their feelings and take drastic measures like committing suicide or harming themselves in other ways. They think they can’t trust someone with their emotions.

Recent attention from social media

Indian folks know which celebrity I am talking about here. Yes! Sushant Singh Rajput. Out of the three famous personalities that left us this year ( Rishi Kapoor, Irrfan and Sushant ), Sushant was the youngest. He was also full of energy as every other talented public figure in Bollywood. But no one truly knew what he was hiding in the last few weeks?

I was full of energy this Sunday. I balanced my schedule again, performing all my morning rituals as I planned.

I was working when I opened social media around 1 PM. I found a tweet from TOI ( The Times of India) that Sushant Singh Rajput is no more.

I thought it was a fabricated hoax by someone. I scoured multiple news channels to confirm the news.

Indeed, it was true. At such a young age, Sushant left us wondering, contemplating, thinking and confused about how such a calm person can take an unexpected step!

Reflection from personal experiences

Thinking of it, I also went through similar situations in life, just like everyone does in their early twenties. As long as I can remember, it happened two times in college.

I can’t predict future situations, but I learned a lot from those two darkest and horrifying experiences.

I don’t know about the competition in other colleges in India. But after clearing IIT-JEE, the competition in IITs is even fierce. It is like if you don’t have a unique talent, you have no one’s attention.

If you think you are lagging behind your peers and don’t find someone to vent your frustration, then you may take steps that will leave your family in despair, regret and lifelong confusion about why you did what you did. Your family can help you. If not parents, then siblings or close friends definitely will.

During my college times, I had a friend with whom I can talk about anything I want. Before talking to him, I explained to my elder brother ( back in 2017 ).

I wanted to take the high road and speak directly to dad, but my brother warned me dad would never understand. My father is a symbol of tough love, zero tears.

Then I vented, cried, and expressed everything to my brother and my close friend from college. They will forever be my lifelines. They made me what I am today. I am alive because of them and for them.

Some people crave forever to rely on a single shoulder. Well, I am lucky to have two!

Reach out because goodness is alive

If I summarise today’s message in one sentence, it would be this: “Don’t refuse from reaching out to someone you can trust with your feelings and please reciprocate for them too. It takes only one hand to lift another.”

Even for the shyest amongst us, everyone has a close friend who understands them as no one else does. Reach out to them. They will always have time for you.

Even if you are not facing any issue whatsoever, still, talk to them because you never know what a person is going through before you walk in their shoes.

A few months back, I called a school friend. He was suffering from cold. Not a similar situation to discuss right now, but talking about the power of words, I delivered so much humour that he said in the end, “Not from cold, probably, but I will die from your comedy. Please stop it. You’ve done enough! Let me take my meds now. Bye.”

Final words

You can light up anyone’s life by just being emotionally available. Don’t wait for someone to reach out to you for help. Just keep checking in on your closest people, and if you are suffering yourself, you know who can trust: your friends ( maybe some of the closest ones ) and the dearests of your family members.

If you still think you are alone, reach out to online therapists, they ensure the confidentiality of their clients. I have done some therapy sessions myself and from experience: “It is grateful to have someone who can listen to all your life problems ( ALL OF IT ) and walk you through it. We’re all broken somewhere. That’s how light enters our soul.”

Because some times, dear friend, all we need is a hand, to reach the other side together and become a helping human for someone who experiences similar emotional turmoil once we faced!

This blog belongs to a series of posts I am publishing in this 100 days streak. Today is day 82. Navigate to the end of article 22, for the references from day 23 onwards. If you would like to read the ones before day 22, here is the first one that documents them in the end.

~ Sanjeev