Summary

Melissa Bee, a writer and mother, confronts her fear of public speaking and video recording by reciting a poem for a poetry reading prompt, inspired by her daughter's uninhibited video recording for school and the support of her writing community.

Abstract

Melissa Bee shares her journey of overcoming the fear of public speaking and video recording, a challenge she faced after witnessing her daughter's ease in front of the camera for a school assignment. Despite initial discomfort and a history of stage fright, Melissa finds courage through the encouragement of her family, friends, and writing community. She draws parallels between her past experiences of speaking in public and the current challenge of recording herself. By embracing the opportunity for growth, Melissa recites and records her poem, learning that imperfection does not diminish the value of the endeavor. Her experience underscores the importance of facing one's fears, the power of community support, and the personal growth that comes from stepping out of one's comfort zone.

Opinions

Melissa acknowledges that growth often involves discomfort and stepping into unfamiliar territory.
She expresses admiration for her daughter's confidence in recording herself without any signs of nervousness.
Melissa reflects on her own struggles with stage fright and public speaking, recalling specific instances where she felt vulnerable and unprepared.
She recognizes that overcoming obstacles is akin to facing a fence, which can be both a barrier and a focus point for opportunity.
The author conveys a sense of pride and accomplishment in facing her fears, particularly in the context of recording a video of herself, which was a significant hurdle for her.
Melissa emphasizes the importance of practice and building relationships to reduce anxiety associated with public speaking or performance.
She highlights the influence of other creators who openly share their work, such as Bingz Huang, Myriam Ben Salem, and Aimée Gramblin, as sources of inspiration.
The article concludes with Melissa's realization that embracing imperfection and taking action is more important than striving for perfection.
She expresses gratitude towards her children, her writing community, and the publications Age of Empathy and Paper Poetry for their support and the opportunities they provided.

Barreling Into the Fence — Uncomfortable for a Meaningful End

AoE Prompt #2 — First poetry reading

Growth isn’t always comfortable, sometimes it requires you to make changes you never thought of.― Hopal Green

The inspiration that made me uncomfortable

School was over for the day and Bella left her classroom, a.k.a. her bedroom, to see what shenanigans were taking place. I didn’t waste a moment diving into the business when I saw her.

“Hey babe, what’s left to do for school?”

“I just have to record my Flip Grid assignments mom.”

Flip Grid is a website that the school district uses to have the children record video responses to prompts that the teachers give.

I recorded Bella, recording herself for the assignment. Here’s her response to the show-and-tell prompt:

As I was watching her in complete awe, I felt how comfortable she was. She wasn’t nervous or awkward about it in any way. There were no signs of self-consciousness or doubt. She just did what she had to do.

She asked, “Mom, can I turn the computer and stand in front of the Christmas tree for ambiance?” Of course, I said yes, thrilled she was thinking about her surroundings and wanted to include the light. It was an inspiring sight.

It’s all fun and games until you start thinking about obstacles and stage fright.

Kind of the same fence

The moments I took to admire her were heart-warming, and I imprinted the memory in my mind to help me remember her at this tender age. Then, the inevitable happens, I start feeling, thinking, and walking up to a familiar fence —

While I was thrilled at Bella’s comfortability level and thoroughly enjoyed that moment, I felt awkward and uncomfortable, deep down, the entire time.

A slightly uneasy feeling grew into a much larger one.

I couldn’t shove this to the back of my mind again. I decided to steal my brain and borrow it for a little. My eyes were keeping a lookout for toddler danger and my stomach was in knots.

I asked myself, “What’s wrong?” Like I didn’t know.

I had walked away slow and sad, with my head down and back turned to this Empire State tall fence many times this year. I didn’t focus on it because I wasn’t looking forward to overcoming it. It was time for a change and for me to follow my advice.

Obstacles are opportunities. Fences are for focus. Focus on opportunity.

After I made that bold commitment, I instantly remembered how nervous I was the first time speaking out loud, in public, for a communications class I took in college.

Then there’s the time I had to give a speech in front of my work team. I was as rookie as you can get, promoted only two days before, announcing my proposed plan for success. Ha.

Both memories, plus Lil’ Miss B’s fearless video recording, being in front of the fence, and my poem made me feel like I was dying.

As I recalled the nerve-wracking memories, I could feel my cheeks grow hot and my hand shake uncontrollably, flapping the noisy paper the speech was written on. I could hear the cracking of my voice as I opened my mouth and the words stumbled and stuttered out. I was weak in the knees and said, “You know?” enough times to annoy the room — mostly because I never looked up for validation or disagreement when I asked the question. I read from the trembling paper and lost my place many times. I felt the eyes grilling me, my heartbeat racing.

Eventually, I learned how to kick the nerves. Developing excellent relationships with people made it easier to speak in front of them — to be vulnerable. The more times I did it, the more relaxed I became.

Sure being pre-recorded is different than speaking live in front of a room full of people, but it’s also the same because you are being watched (that gave me chills). It’s kind of the same fence.

The present obstacle

It’s been almost two years since I left that job and haven’t had to speak publicly. It’s been nearly fourteen years since that communications class. It’s been never that I recorded and posted a video of myself. The camera scares me in that way.

Awesome right?

I’m that mom whose children are aware when it’s picture or video-taking time. “Like this mama? Where do I stand mom? Are you done yet? Ugh, no more pictures — mommm! Why do you always record everything?” Their comfortability makes sense.

Me on the other hand — I’m getting payback for being the loud cheerleader and camera woman. Now they perform for school without a problem. Here I go catching the glorious moment and start to think about how much of a coward I am.

I’m great with taking pictures, but record a video, like one that isn’t candid? Talking to an audience other than my three children?

Oh hell no. I’m a writer.

All the nerve-wracking memories start to filter in and then I think of people like Bingz Huang, who dances on camera like there’s no one watching! And Myriam Ben Salem laughs in one of her videos — that’s all she does! She laughs! Aimée Gramblin did a fun TikTok video! I sincerely admire them for the joy they bring.

I don’t like it. I don’t like it one bit, but I am reciting a poem.

Barreling into the fence

In between this situation, I was in the middle of working on my poem for Paper Poetry’s prompt — Obstacles or Fences, then Bella’s video happened, but before all of this, I remembered that Chris and many of you asked me to either rap (I love you all, but I am not a rapper) or to recite a poem —

I am brave because of the overwhelming inspiration from everyone in my life. I have all this fantastic encouragement and I am not quite sure what I have done to deserve this, but I am thankful, seriously —

I am freaking terrified.

A meaningful end

I saw my children on the other side of that fence, and I wanted to be with my babies. The terror is over and we are reunited. I couldn’t continue to tell them not to be scared when I was afraid. I had to face myself. I had to show, not tell.

Conquering this obstacle allowed me to learn, challenge myself, and grow in a positive direction. Now I can finally move on to a new fence.

I wholeheartedly accept that the video isn’t perfect — screw perfect! I am more than happy with it. It was the first and only take because it wasn’t about being perfect— it was about doing it.

Did I really do that?

I did! Woo-hoo! 🥳🥳🥳

By recording myself, I learned that it’s not that bad when you are only looking at yourself and not standing in front of a room full of people. However, looking at myself was unfamiliar and weird because when you’re a mom of three little children, you don’t look at yourself much. I was nervous, but I felt happy to take the words in my poem and breathe reality into them.

Cheers to an uncomfortable meaningful end. Barrel into the fence.

Take a limitation and turn it into an opportunity. Take an opportunity and turn it into an adventure by dreaming BIG!”— Jo Franz

Thank you for reading and watching! 💛 Buzz with Bee! Twitter/ Facebook/Instagram

Here’s the poem that I recited:

One Place To Go

Paper Poetry Prompt #6 — Obstacles or Fences

medium.com

What’s your meaningful end? The last day to submit to AoE is November 30th.

Gratitude

An extra special shout-out to Lil’ Miss B and Christopher! ❤️

Thank you to everyone in my writing family. 💕

Thank you Connie Song, your prompt led me to a fence, and then AoE’s prompt led me over that fence 💛

I am thankful to be a part of the fantastic publications Age of Empathy and Paper Poetry. Thank you Aimée Gramblin, and Suntonu Bhadra for allowing me to blend the prompts between our publications. Here’s to breaking the norm, in the name of friendship and collaboration, for a good cause.