BARB-N-HUMOR
Barbies in History — From the Internet Famous to the Infamous
Or, from Big Bush Barbie to Klaus Barbie, and beyond
Big Bush Barbie
Don’t run screaming for the exits, yet. Hear me out.
She was prominent …… AKA “Big”.
She was a Bush, as in married to a former POTUS.
Her first name was Barbara.
But I’ll bet no one dared call her Barbie, or better still, Big Bush Barbie.
Until now, of course.
Big Busch Barbie
That’s a big Busch, Barbie.
Murderous Mobster Barbie
Joseph Barbara, AKA “Joe The Barber” (and we probably don’t want to know why.)
At one point in his illustrious career, Murderous Mobster Barbie had a lucrative contract with Canada Dry. Company execs wanted the M.M. Barbie to change his name to “Bitter Lemon Barbie.”
It’s unclear how negotiations on the name change proceeded, but these execs were never heard from again.
Heil Hitler Barbie
Easily the hardest working of the Barbies, Klaus Barbie was a WWII SS officer, and in his spare time, worked at a deli in Vichy France, where he became known as the “Butcher of Lyon.”
After his exhausting war and deli stint, US intelligence agents helped him vacation in Bolivia for an extended stay. Reportedly, the intelligence services referred to him during this time as “Friendly Barbie.”
Little known fact: only wore pink frilly unmentionables
“Actress, plus-size model and social media sensation” Barbie
That is how Barbie Ferreira is listed on the Famous Birthdays website.
All admirable accomplishments. But, I’m about two generations too late to needing to know more about this incredibly popular Barbie.
B.F. has about 6M IG followers if you want to play along.
“Wanna-Feel-Hopelessly-Out-Of-Touch” Barbie
Just do what I did and search the Internet for “famous people named Barbie.”
Quite a few DJs, actresses, social media celebs and musicians will pop up. Even an activist.
If you’re over 30 I’ll bet you won’t recognize a single name.
Weirdly, B. Bush, Klaus and Joseph aren’t in the line-up.
“I-Will-Not-Be-Seeing-The-Movie” Barbie
Never, ever.
Not even when my granddaughter is old enough to go.
“I-Plan-To-Insert-Barbie-Into-Every-Conversation” Barbie
As in — while at the auto repair shop — “My-Car-Is-Making-An-Odd-Squeak” Barbie, or at the fast food drive up window “I’ll-Have-The-Double-Double-With-Cheese-And-Bacon” Barbie.
I’ll let you know how it goes, Barbie.