Ballad of the Beard

Marking the March of Menopause

As a child, I had always noticed the stiff chin hairs of my female elders. I adored my grandmother, she was the (grand)mother-ship, the earth-(grand)mother, Nanna Lolly. The warm hug with the stabby little chin hairs was always welcome. I perhaps fleetingly wondered why I was being stabbed a little by her facial hair, and perhaps even vowed to never have it myself?! As a child, I had no idea what was in store for me!

Genetically, my ancestors come from the UK. I have freckled skin, light coloured hair and have somehow managed to get the hairy gene. I have (pretty much) always had a soft blonde downy covering of body hair. Maybe it is to aid in the protection of my freckled skin? It was mortally embarrassing as a teen when friends noticed: “Oh my god! Look at your long toe hair!” and “Wow! Your leg hair is pretty intense!” *sigh.

I know the less hairy. I’m even related to some. People with smooth looking skin, unblemished by hair. Men who can’t grow beards (my uncle is one of these. He has smooth skin that browns in the sun, a genetic inheritance from my great-grandfather who had Spanish ancestry — I missed this completely). People without any arm hair (although I have since discovered that shaving your arms is a thing…who knew?). People with naturally hairless bodies. No chest hair. No back hair.

I have also seen people who are blessed with a thick covering of body hair. I once saw a man walking along the beach, budgie-smugglers, t-shirt. Workin’ it. Except as he got closer, I realised that it was not a t-shirt. Not a cotton one anyway. It was a t-shirt of his own making. A hair-shirt, grown himself. It was a little confronting, not really having any men in my family who are quite that hairy. (It would seem that the women in my family have a greater tendency towards being hairy!)

I have also lived my whole life with a hairy mole. Yes! It’s true! My freckled skin also has some moles. Some sprout hairs. I have one on my face. So does my mother, in exactly the same spot. Even my sister has this little genetic quirk (thanks mum!). So I am no stranger to thick hairs that you have to pluck out. But what I am not really prepared for is the Hairy March of Menopause!!

I am now teetering on the edge of the mid-forties. About to glide gracefully into the ‘approaching fifty’ stage. For those of you reading this who are already well and truly into your Queenly stage, you might perhaps relate? The past few years have seen the soft downy facial hair I have always had get thicker and more random!

What hell is this?!!

Not only am I plucking furiously at my life-long mole hair! Oh no!! Now it is an ever-increasing spread of random thick and fine hairs that sprout, seemingly overnight, on my chin, under my chin, on my lip! Will I wake one morning with a FULL BEARD??!! And just as soon as I have plucked one out, another seems to grow, immediately, to replace it! What?! How?! And the shock and horror when I run a hand over my neck and find a 10cm/4 inch long, fine hair! How long has THAT taken to grow? Why didn’t anyone tell me? How can I NOT NOTICE such a thing??!!

Oh, the stress!!

It seems that this is something that has been happening to women since the beginning of time. My beloved grandmother, who died when I was in my twenties, was a member of this club. I felt it every time I hugged her! But she died before I cared about this hairy madness and could talk to her about it. My mother has experience. She’s not as hairy as me. But she did buy me a lovely card fairly recently. She cares! (See cover photo above)

So it seems that this hairy situation is one that is going to stay. I will keep (furiously) plucking. Perhaps I will try threading? I don’t know. It seems kind of painful, pulling all the hair out with what looks like dental floss. Maybe I shouldn’t worry? Just grow it. (Except it feels hideous.) Thankfully my partner has his own beard and doesn’t notice when my stabby chin-hairs grow. My son, on the other hand, relishes reminding me of my beard! Particularly in the right light…

So what to do? Write about it of course!

Ballad of the Beard

I fear that now is the time for me To acknowledge this growth creeping over me Apparently a normal part of menopause (What’s next? Tail, horns and claws?!)

Initially, it was the occasional night sweat Wake at four in the morning, hot flashes, no fret. But what I really wasn’t quite ready for Was the hair that’s come knocking on my door

Well, not my door, not literally But my chin and cheeks is where the fuzz runs free! Some days I swear it’s grown overnight Sprouting with vigour, packed close, really tight.

And unfortunately not just my cheeks and chin But a light fuzzy covering on my lips (it’s not thin!) Maybe one gets what one has always feared? A slow-growing, obvious blonde coloured beard?

P’raps I should be grateful for the blond that it is I guess if it was black I’d be a hair removal whizz! Instead, I use tweezers and pluck those hairs out Not sure ‘bearded lady’ is how I want to go about

Am I making a fuss about something that’s natural? These stabby hard hairs that grow on the lateral? I’m not going to go gentle into the sweaty night,* The Change is my time to fight with my might!

This piece is written in response to the second MuddyUm Writer’s Prompt! I am tagging Ingrid L. Williams because I have recently found her on this platform, I love what she writes, and she lives quite close to me relatively speaking! Nordic nations anyway…

*thank you Dylan Thomas, for writing the original line.

Lisa likes writing. She writes quite a bit of poetry. You can find her scribbling in her notebook, tapping on her phone, posting on Instagram, and wandering around the archipelago she lives in. She has found The Wiser Woman quite useful in dealing with the inevitable changes that the aging brings with it. Lisa has no affiliation, just wise words worth sharing.

On another side note, it was INCREDIBLY difficult finding the right photo for this article…