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Abstract

dn’t do it. I don’t wanna do it. I’m not gonna do it. Call me tomorrow?</p><p id="97f4"><i>Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.</i></p><p id="b135">Thanks for reading. I hope this gave you a laugh. Or stirred up memories. Or both. If so, please keep going!</p><div id="b9f1" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/medium-funked-up-efc11a938d84"> <div> <div> <h2>Medium Funked-Up</h2> <div><h3>How can we help each other through this?</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*YShKnrmpDVLvJwKnozd_aw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="1aa7" class="link-block"> <a hr

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Bad Date

The early years, part one.

Your tongue. Ugh. Fat. Like a snail without a plan Going nowhere, fast.

But you are. Or will be. When I decide, I’ll let you know.

Your breath. Yuck. The Cheesy Gordita Crunch, right? Taco Bell. Again.

Couldn’t you have eaten a Cinnabon, instead? Or a fucking Mentos?

Your hairy pits. Phew. Like you sprinted here. Maybe you did. I don’t know.

Next time, when your car breaks down, spring for a bus, Mmmkay?

Your socks. Ewww. A big hole and a bigger toe. Wait…what does that mean?

Did you hear the one about “big feet, big…” Hell. Never mind.

Your cologne. Ahh Choo! Is that Hai Karate? Dude. Why?

Didn’t you see the commercial where it says, “Be careful how you use it?”

Your fly. Uh oh. When did that open? Don’t look at me.

I didn’t do it. I don’t wanna do it. I’m not gonna do it. Call me tomorrow?

Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.

Thanks for reading. I hope this gave you a laugh. Or stirred up memories. Or both. If so, please keep going!