TIMBERS BE SHIVERIN’ BACK ‘ERE
Avast Me Hearties! 19th September is Talk Like a Pirate Day! Arrrrrr!!!!!
Timbers be groanin’ as well … Groanin!
On 19th September, talking like a pirate is obligatory. Or you have to take a long walk off a short plank.
‘International Talk Like a Pirate Day’ was started as a joke in 1995 — and, like all good jokes (and quite a lot of terrible ones), has just kept going. And going … Some long-time practitioners of the art are now nervous wrecks.
Yes — they’re lyin’ on the sea bed, twitchin’.
It’s easy to talk like a pirate — just drop the ‘g’ off everythin’, keep scowlin’ and shoutin’ and drinkin’ grog and ye’ll be just fine. And, don’t forget — everythin’ is scurvy.
“Pass me grog, ye scurvy sea bass!”
And, be warned, when Pirate gets to be an octogenarian he’s gonna keep shoutin’: Aye matey years old!
Everything has to ‘be’. For example: Pirate goes to the surgery to have some lesions on his arm looked at. The doctor says: “No worries, matey. They’re benign.”
Pirate scowls and says: “No, ye scurvy sawbones — there be 12. I counted ‘em.”
While there, Sawbones points to Pirate’s eye patch: “How did you lose that?”
Pirate says: “An albatross flew overhead whilst crapping, and some of it fell in me eye.”
Sawbones: “But, that wouldn’t have lost you your eye, man!”
“Aye, it did,” Pirate answered. “At that point I’d not yet got used to me hook.”
Sawbones: Arrrghhh!
‘Armless an’ legless and ayeless and pokerless, but swordful:
Q: What has eight arms, eight legs and eight eyes? A: Eight pirates.
Q: What do ye call a pirate with all his limbs, and two eyes? A: A newbie.
Q: How much did Pirate pay for his peg and hook? A: An arm and a leg.
Q: How much does it cost Pirate to get his ears pierced? A: ‘Bout a buck an ear.
Q: Why couldn’t Pirate play poker? A: Because the captain was standing on the deck.
Q: Why does Pirate carry his sword? A: Because — duh — swords can’t walk!
Most importantly, don’t forget that, ‘To err is human; to arr, pirate.’
(Sorry.)
Old sea dog-doggerel:
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