Authenticity: Yearning and Learning to Become
Isn’t it time to get real?
“Nothing good comes from being yourself.” Bonnie, How to Get Away With Murder, Season 6
When the broken-hearted, deceptive TV lawyer named Bonnie made this declaration, I was immediately struck by the lie. Perhaps it also resonated because Bonnie’s statement could have been spoken by a younger me. My youth was filled with confusing messages about whether or not being myself was a good thing.
As I exited high school, I played it safe with my college major. After the birth of my first child, I stepped it up a bit, got into graduate school, and went after an MBA. Early in my school life, I had discovered my tribe, so it made perfect sense that I’d gravitate to the safety of a classroom. (I’ve also spent the bulk of my life in education.)
I had little practice so I also played it safe when I dated. I couldn’t effectively maneuver the challenges of relationships because I did not know the woman I was meant to become.
Since I failed to know her, I could not show her.
The Cambridge English Dictionary defines authenticity as: the quality of being real or true.
The Free Dictionary defines authenticity as: The quality or condition of being authentic, trustworthy, or genuine.
How does one be authentic?
Most importantly, an authentic person is emotionally mature. They accept and understand themselves as they are. Authenticity means one recognizes her internal motivations and is honest about them. Someone who lacks genuineness lies to themselves about all sorts of things, like the motivations of others or their persistent need to learn new lessons. Indeed, inauthentic people often have much to learn.
A person striving to be transparent about their feelings and motivations will be viewed as likeable and approachable by others. They also accept and understand other people. An authentic person doesn’t judge others either.
A willingness to learn is a distinctive characteristic of an authentic person. It’s not about the self-deprecating motions of “Gee, I don’t know much about nothin’” but rather the deep desire to be better at the things she is passionate about. This willingness to learn is an acknowledgement of reality. Accepting reality is an emotionally mature attitude.
Speaking truth
Expressing yourself and standing up for what you believe in is key to finding and revealing your authentic persona. Will others like what you say? Maybe not, but if you delivered it with kindness and an open heart, your transparency ultimately will be valued.
How do you “get real” then?
Wearing a mask is only useful for health and fun times like Halloween, of course. But dropping the mask you’ve hidden behind for years will take work. Remember, that mask is what YOU see in the mirror too.
Writing in a journal was my first foray into this personal excavation. I’d never done it before, but it was part of a class I took at church. Answering difficult questions about myself and my life was truly revealing and it definitely moved me forward. I wrote about it here.
Seeking out a therapist was the second way I moved out of my comfort zone. I only went for four months, and after I accomplished my goals it ended. It was another distinctly hard period of tearing away pieces of my mask.
Digging deep in the soul for what you truly believe and have a passion for also aids in scoping out your authentic life. For me, it meant developing myself as a writer. I enrolled in a creative writing course this year and I’ve expanded my knowledge about publishing too.
I started reading and writing on Medium. I keep learning and that is definitely in my comfort zone. We are all creatures built for personal growth. I hope you believe that too.
I write about relationships, faith, and the challenges of life on Medium and on my blog. Want to know when I post something new? Sign up here.