As an LGBTQ State Employee, I Expected a Progressive Workplace, Not a Bed of Lies
LGBTQ employees deserve inclusive and educated professional environments
I do not write many personal stories here on Medium. I include tidbits of myself in all my pieces so that individuals know where my passion comes from but never write an entire piece about my life. I never want myself to be the focal point of my writing because the things I write about deserve more awareness than I do.
Why not give some insight into my passion that is the LGBTQIA+ community, our struggles, and the marginalization we can face. Here is that personal story. This piece is based on my experience working in the professional environment of state employment and the struggles that have slapped me in the face while there.
To pee or not to pee, that is the question
I identify as a cis-gendered lesbian woman. I also happen to choose to dress in more masculine clothing and have what society identifies as a masculine haircut. These bits of information about myself don’t seem glaringly important to me.
They are the only bits of me some individuals seem to see. Close-minded humanity I should add, not all focus solely on my outward appearance as a way to begin judging my gender identity.
I recently began working at the New York State Office of Mental Health in my Northeastern city of residence. After years of working face-to-face with clients, I decided working for the state would afford me the opportunity to make changes on a macro level.
I worked through the majority of the pandemic at home as a crisis counselor for the New York State Covid-19 Emotional Support Helpline. In August of this year I made a choice to move within my company to a state position inside the walls of the Office of Mental Health.
While in my previous position I provided various LGBTQIA+ specific trainings company wide. Also, while working on the helpline, NYS issued the Gender Toolkit training and information materials. These materials were also something I performed company wide trainings on.
Now these materials were great bits of information but also sounded exactly like you would expect a stuffy state agency to sound when talking about things like transitioning and defining non-binary. Nonetheless, I felt comfortable that my state was trying to implement better practices to make the queer community more seen in the halls of state offices.
False. This façade was just that. Something that looked great on paper and had no roots when in operation.
With this false sense of security I felt confident that my time spent as a state employee wouldn’t include my gender identity and sexual orientation being brought up on a regular basis.
Also false.
I have worked at the state just shy of three months now. I would love nothing more at this point than to take an Olympic worthy run straight to the back of my office and through the windows. I welcome the concrete two stories below onto my teeth more than working at this job. I digress.
As I mentioned above I am a lesbian woman who dresses more masculine. I refer to myself as more masculine because this helps you understand my bathroom struggles we are about to discuss and society labels my way of dressing as such. I prefer to just describe myself as a queer female who dresses the way she feels most comfortable. Again I digress.
After working from home for a year things like entering a public restroom fell out of my line of sight as a place where I could be targeted. Then I decided to come work in the seventh circle of hell, known as the Office of Mental Healths’ central office. Where bathrooms are gendered and gender neutral bathrooms exist nowhere in the building. Except the 8th floor. Where the executives work. Shocker.
I identify as a cis-gendered lesbian woman so the bathroom I feel most comfortable in is the women’s restroom. Boy is that pissing off and confusing people around here. In step ignorance and a lack of education. In the last (almost) three months of working here at the state I have faced over a dozen situations where my bathroom choice has been questioned.
I have been reminded I am entering the women’s restroom. I have been asked if I know which restroom I am in. I have been barred from entering the bathroom by a rather cross individual who wasn’t satisfied when I just stated I am using the bathroom I choose to use. That individual wanted to ask me a few more questions before removing her body as a barrier in the doorway and allowing me to go pee.
This happened a lot when I first started in my position. It happens much less in the last few weeks because I have figured out the busy times of the restroom on my floor and try to only go when I feel it is quieter.
I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO MAP THE BATHROOM SCHEDULE FOR NON-BUSY TIMES TO GO USE THE GOD DAMN BATHROOM IN PEACE.
Not only is this type of behavior frustrating, it hurts. That is the part I don’t talk about often. I want to appear strong, I want to stay strong and I want to be able to provide education to these people and not just anger. But it is hurtful and embarrassing to have to correct someone’s assumption of my gender identity on a regular basis. And contrary to popular belief, I do not have to be the source of your LGBTQIA+ education. Be proactive. Educate yourself.
It is not just the bathrooms that this professional work environment makes hell. Let us dive into what goes on regarding pronouns here at work.
Please stop calling me sir
In the morning time I will get some good morning sir’s. In the afternoon I will get excuse me sir as I try to walk out for lunch. At the end of my day I am greeted by the security guard who, without fail every day, tells this sir to have a good night.
I am tired y’all. I am tired of educating. I am tired of hoping that someone will hear my effeminate voice or catch a glimpse of my chest or see the absence of Adam's apple and just not misgender me. Or, how about removing gender all the way and just using they, them, y’all, you over there, pretty one with the blue eyes, etc. Insert any phrase not pertaining to gender.
LGBTQIA+ workers need more from professional employers
So what do we do? I honestly don’t have the answer anymore. I used to think that providing regular and in depth trainings relating to the LGBTQIA+ community was the answer. That doesn’t seem to be working.
In February of this year NYS sent around the Gender Toolkit training I mentioned above. All of us state and state adjacent employees received this toolkit within our email. We also received the electronic attestation form we needed to send back to our supervisors to prove we had read this information.
The toolkit was 36 pages long. It included some very insightful stuff regarding various definitions relating to the LGBTQIA+ community and information on dealing with specific work related scenarios. The information could have been more elaborate and included some less robotic responses but overall, a start.
I heard many people in my company mention they just signed the attestation and never looked at the toolkit. How many individuals within NYS did this? More than I would care to guess or investigate is my assumption. And that is why informational packets or webinar trainings are not enough.
So what is enough? What do you think would help workplace education improve as it relates to the LGBTQIA+ community? Especially in rather stuffy environments like state or city jobs, law offices and insurance companies. Would love to hear your thoughts, my well has run dry on them.
This story is a response to Prism & Pen’s writing prompt, I’m an LGBTQ Person Who’s Faced Work Barriers and Discrimination.
