LET ME READ YOUR STORY
Artificial Intelligence — Real Laughter
Feedback on: “How to How-to According to the Bots”
These articles provide feedback on stories submitted by brave writers looking to learn and grow. Comments will be provided on anything from title and pictures, to grammar, language, and cohesion. All feedback is meant to help both the original author and anyone else reading this, and general writing tips will be highlighted.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: It is an absolute joy to read such wide-ranging and diverse stories. I would have never found, not to mention read, most of these stories, had their authors not been courageous enough to put them up for review. Every story has been fun to read, but this particular story had me chuckling out loud — no easy feat for a piece of writing. I am an instant fan of the author, J.C. Finnegan. Read the story for yourself and see if you get as much of a laugh as I got:
While most of the rest of this review will be raving and ranting, let’s get a little scratch in the polish taken care of first: The title.
While the title is sufficiently quirky to warrant attention, and perfectly fits the content of the story, there is one little problem: It sounds too techy. I came into this thinking it was a serious piece treating AI or something along those lines. Call me jaded, but I’ve seen so much boring content on Medium, I thought this would be another one. Boy was I wrong!
One thing is the title. In hindsight, it’s actually quite good, but I can’t get over the fact that I was so wrong about the content, which makes me believe others might be too — and miss out on a great read. I believe a fitting subtitle might be what is missing to make sure you get the proper 1st impression.
Tip 1: Make sure to capture the mood or spirit of your story in the title. Carefully consider the medium (no pun intended) and what associations are most likely raised in the reader by your title. And if the title isn’t enough, make sure to add a subtitle.
The featured image is perfect. It’s a sweet-looking bot at first glance, and perfectly annoying when imagining the conversation described come out of that little bugger.
The story itself starts head-on. The simple but ingenious use of formatting to indicate a dialogue ensures the reader quickly understands the situation.
As intriguing as the beginning of the story is, it only gets better. The unintentional digs by the bot and the surprised indignations by the human are hilarious.
Then there’s the part where, for a second, you think that this might turn serious as the author writes about an idea that could potentially get at some sticky issues on humans v. bots and religion. But nope, you are in for another giggle:
There’s this human and this AI bot, and they have a baby together. And then they have an argument about whether or not they’re going to raise the kid with any kind of religion.
Are you flirting with me?
- J.C. Finnegan
From here on out, the humor gets more clever and even somewhat meta at some points. J.C. uses this funny dialogue as a frame to poke fun at some of the stereotypical how-to articles that flood Medium. It’s refreshing, it’s poignant, and it’s very clever!
And to top it all off, it is very well executed. Good short sentence structure and a quick-paced dialogue keep the whole experience light. The very on-point veiled criticisms of the bulk of Medium stories are nicely sprinkled through the last half of the story.
Tip 2: Any criticism, whether directed at society, “the system”, or the medium in which you are publishing, is always best delivered well lubricated in comedy. This is what makes late-night hosts like Stephen Colbert and John Oliver so great.
The dialogue between the bot and the author goes on and becomes increasingly hysterical. The trope of drinking water as one of the top tips for better health is great, and sets the author up for the legendary last sentence:
My writing may not succeed, but at least I am hydrated. — J.C. Finnegan
I have almost nothing I would change in this story. It was an absolute joy to read! If you haven’t already, please go read the story! But first, remember to drink water :D
Summary
Title
The title is intriguing and appropriate to the story. And in a vacuum, it would have been great. But on Medium, it runs the risk of being misunderstood as an actual guide or some technical piece on bots or AI.
Pictures
Great choice of the featured image, showing a robot that can be seen as equally friendly and insanely annoying at the same time.
Formatting
Short sentences and the use of cursive for the bot to emphasize the dialogue were great choices. Well done!
Grammar
No feedback here is good feedback ;)
Links and Citations
None needed.
Language
Very well written — witty and wry. (try saying that 5 times in a row as fast as you can!)
Cohesion and Cadence
Great cadence that keeps the story feeling light.
For more writing tips, read:
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