Are You Wasting Time On The Wrong Guy? How To Know He’s Not Right For You

The last thing you want to do is realize 5–10 years down the line that you wasted your best years on the wrong guy.

You’re in a relationship, and things feel good on the surface.

But, deep down, you have these doubts that you’re trying so hard to push past. Your friends told you it wasn’t right from the start, but you didn’t listen. You’re going to feel embarrassed if you break things off now. And besides, what do they know?

It’s not like he’s a terrible person. He only has a few inconsistencies. A few things you wish would change. You often catch yourself wondering if there’s someone else out there for you that might be a better fit. But, whenever that happens, you quickly try to think about something else.

I get it. But look, the last thing you want to do is realize 5–10 years down the line that you wasted your best years on the wrong guy. It’s hard to let go of something you’ve already invested in, but it’ll only get harder later.

If you’re battling with this decision right now, here’s how you can tell if you’re with the right guy or if it’s time to leave the relationship.

You spend a lot of time stressed out about your relationship.

There’s really not a moment of peace in your relationship. You often wonder where he is or what he’s doing — because he never checks in with you about his plans. You’re usually the one to reach out to him. Sometimes you find yourself alone, and social media shows you he’s out having a good time.

You try to find the hidden meaning behind some of the things he says — he’s not always clear and sometimes leaves you on read.

You look forward to going out on dates, but they usually turn into petty arguments because he’s incapable of listening or understanding anyone’s opinion but his own.

You don’t wake up happy or excited to see him. It’s always a toss-up between potentially having a good day with him — or most likely having a shitty one.

You’re only with him because you’re afraid of being alone.

You know you’re unhappy in the relationship, but you tell yourself it’s better to be with him than be alone.

You’re settling for someone who isn’t making your life better. Sure he takes you out on dates every now and then, and sometimes it results in a decent night of sex or a little romance, but the next morning you wake up feeling as empty as ever.

You don’t get that being alone is better than being with someone who doesn’t value you, understand you, or adore you.

You’re dating him for the wrong reasons.

To piggyback off the point mentioned above, you’re also with him for superficial reasons. Your friends think he’s amazing, or he’s incredibly hot, you think his carefree attitude is fun, and you like that he turns heads when he picks you up in his nice car.

But in reality, when he’s sleeping next to you in bed, you feel sad. There’s no depth to your relationship. You have no real intimacy. You don’t talk about things of value. You don’t share the same beliefs.

You don’t feel fulfilled. You’re holding on to that tiny sliver of hope that things will change.

You’ve compromised a lot on your end.

You put them on a pedestal. You think he’s fantastic. But, there are a few things you wish would change. You think you’ll be able to change those things yourself if you just give it some time. If you just compromise a little bit.

You’ve agreed to scale down your relationship so that you don’t have to lose him.

You constantly give up what you want to make him happy. You prioritize him over yourself. If he isn’t happy, nobody is.

You’ve put your dreams and aspirations on pause.

You had so many dreams and aspirations for your life.

You wanted to travel through Europe, eat croissants in a cafe in the streets of Paris. You wanted to go to New York and walk through Central Park with a coffee in hand.

You wanted to go sky diving and pick up a new language. You’ve always loved how French people sound.

You had a dream of starting your own coffee shop and creating coffee mugs to sell. You even had a name for your business picked out.

You’re not pursuing any of those things anymore.

You’re in a relationship, and suddenly it feels like all of your dreams and aspirations have been placed on the back burner. They clash with your new boyfriend’s dreams. They take up too much of your time, and he complains that he’s never able to see you.

You feel instant dread every time you think about how much you’ve given up for the sake of your relationship.

You need to focus on getting what you need and want out of life if you’re going to be happy with anyone.

He never listens to you.

It’s all about him.

You listen eagerly — you love how passionate he is about things, but whenever you want to discuss something exciting or important, he starts going on about his own things all over again.

It’s not worth being with someone if they make you feel like you’re invisible in your relationship or like you’re a movie he’s watching with the sound off.

Relationships aren’t easy, but they’re not meant to add pain or sadness to your life. They’re supposed to be a positive addition to your life.

If you’re with someone who gives you a sliver of doubt, take a step back and ask yourself:

• Do I spend the majority of my time happy or stressed in this relationship? While all relationships have their ups and downs, there should be more ups.
• Am I with him out of loneliness? Am I scared to be alone?
• Am I in this relationship for the right reasons?
• How do we argue? Am I the one doing all the compromising? Is our relationship well-balanced? Or is there a shit storm once he doesn’t get his way?
• How has he benefited my life? Am I still on track to reaching my goals and my dreams? Or have they been put on pause for his sake?
• Does he listen to understand? Does he listen at all?

Asking these questions isn’t easy, especially when you’re knee-deep into a relationship, but it’s better to figure it out now rather than years later.

You don’t deserve to go to bed at night wishing what your life would look like if you were with someone else.