5 Relationship Greenlights You Should Pay Attention To
Signs that you’re with the right person.
We always talk and think about “relationship red flags” and the negative qualities to avoid in a partner, but something else to think about are the green flags in a relationship.
When I took a dating hiatus, I analyzed almost every relationship I’d ever been in, and I became extremely hyperaware of the things I didn’t want, which I learned can subconsciously train our minds into overlooking positive aspects of a relationship.
Relationship green flags are equally as important to focus on, and by recognizing them, they can even encourage you to find ways to grow further as a couple.
With that being said, here are a few common green flags in a healthy, positive, and happy relationship.
You feel like you’re the best version of yourself.
You feel wholesome. You don’t feel like you’re giving up your dreams or aspirations. You don’t feel like you’re doing things that prevent you from chasing those things, either.
You genuinely feel good inside. And more importantly, you want to be better. You want to grow and improve as a human being.
Before I started dating my boyfriend, self-improvement, achieving goals, living a life that I truly wanted wasn’t something I focused on. I picked guys who lacked ambition, guys who didn’t give a crap about health, taking care of themselves, or contributing value to the world.
They were stuck in their own world and small town, staying up late or getting drunk in the middle of the day. Content with their minimum wage jobs with no desire to experience anything the world has to offer.
When you surround yourself with that type of company, little by little, you succumb to it yourself. Even if you swear, you won’t.
If you’re dating someone who brings out the best parts of you, ones you didn’t even realize existed, you’ve met someone special. Sometimes you need someone to see something in you before you see it in yourself.
You share the same or similar values and morals.
Dating someone who doesn’t share the same values or morals is a one-way street to stress, anxiety, frustration, and potential heartbreak.
The first guy I had a serious relationship with had completely different religious beliefs than I did; I was young and, of course, believed it “wouldn’t be a big deal,” but as time went on, I realized how big of a deal it really was.
You will always clash, you will always butt heads, someone will always have to compromise a little too much — to the point of resentment.
If you want to get married one day and your partner doesn’t — will you be the one compromising? Or will they be forced to enter a marriage they don’t want to be in?
If you want kids and they don’t — will you give up your dream of becoming a parent? Or will they be forced into having kids they don’t really want?
You have to make sure you and your partner want the same things out of life before pursuing a serious relationship.
When you do meet someone who shares the same or similar values and morals, you’ll feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. It will feel easier, lighter, and you’ll have more respect for one another.
You’re able to argue respectfully and resolve conflicts together.
This is one of the biggest green flags out there.
If you’re comfortable talking about your fears, your concerns, your problems with your partner in a respectful manner, you’re doing something right.
My ex-boyfriend changed whenever I tried to discuss important things such as having kids one day or getting married. It often felt like I was walking on eggshells.
Being able to openly talk about wanting (or not wanting) kids, starting a family, your concerns about your sex life, things you want to try or see or do is a sign that the two of you are mature and prepared for the struggles of life.
Arguing is 100% expected, but it’s only an issue when you don’t come to a resolution.
If you and your partner are able to behave like adults, work out serious disagreements with level-heads, remain respectful, then you’re on your way to a healthy and happy relationship.
You genuinely enjoy one another company, even in the mundane moments.
We often mistake love for fire and passion and drama and dysfunction. But real love is quiet. If you’re seeing it from the perspective of high drama, then love is very boring.
It’s constant. It’s calm. It’s being kind towards one another, and oftentimes, it’s brought out in the most simple of moments.
Love is coming home to your partner waiting for you with a smile on their face. Love is your partner knowing how you like your coffee. Love is sitting in a comfortable silence without the constant need to fill it.
This isn’t to say that a relationship can’t be exciting — it is. Love is beautiful and exciting, but everyday life isn’t filled with over the moon passion for one another and ripping each other’s clothes off every night.
That’s lust.
When I first started dating my boyfriend, we quickly fell into a pattern. He would always wake up early to go to work, but he’d set his alarm 5–10 minutes early so he could cuddle me before leaving. The moment he would get up, he would kiss my forehead, and before leaving, he would leave a note.
3 years later, I still look forward to reading a note from him every morning.
Love is consistent and predictable — and sometimes, when you feel the same feeling of comfort every single day, you take it for granted or feel like it’s not good enough anymore.
The comfort can trick your brain into thinking that you need more, even when you have everything.
When you meet someone who makes you feel that life is an adventure while simultaneously understanding that not every day will be an exhilarating and magical joy ride — the light is green.
You support one another endlessly.
The right person will support you, challenge you, stand by you — but also give you space to be yourself and grow as a person.
Emotional support is one of the most critical provisions of close relationships. Once you build up the level of emotional support, your life and your relationship will significantly improve.
My boyfriend showed me the power of being supported before we started dating. I was struggling with some pretty big life decisions, debating whether or not to drop out of college and pursue a career on my own, and I’ll never forget the few words he told me: “No matter what, I'm here for you.”
That’s all it takes. Sometimes you just need someone to say that when shit hits the fan and the sky starts falling, you won’t be alone.
Looking back on my past relationships, I often felt like I was the one doing all the supporting. Physical, emotional, and even financial at times. This can lead to feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, drained, and it can even make you resent your partner.
Emotional support will allow you to be more open, more vulnerable, and it’ll help you experience real intimacy with one another.
To reiterate, if you’re currently dating someone now, these 5 green flags are ones to pay attention to:
- You feel like you’re becoming the best version of yourself. You’re not only growing, you’re also thriving.
- You share the same or similar beliefs and morals.
- You’re able to argue respectfully and come to resolutions together as a team.
- You genuinely love each other’s company. Even in the more boring of moments.
- You support one another across all boards.
What are your green flags?
