Are You Unknowingly Filling in the Blanks of Someone Else’s Story?
A reminder that sometimes we don’t know everything and it’s not our story to tell.
My child was previously non-verbal, and he communicated through drawings. Through numerous visits with a neuropsychologist and having his drawings interpreted was heartbreaking, humbling, and life-changing.
My son would respond to specific prompts; each picture he drew had a common theme:
- he separated from the rest of his family; and
- sadness.
Regardless of the setting, he’d place himself apart from everyone else with their smiling faces; apart, he’d be donning a sad face.
He was isolated and unable to express himself (speak) in a way familiar to those around him.
Even though I had so many amazing memories — that of a happier child, this was a facade.
In his heart, he felt different — and he knew that his brain did function quite like everyone else.
Seeing into his soul, through his drawings, I realize how alone he felt.
A realization like this hits you as a parent: a punch in the gut — again. And Again. And again.
Understanding his perspective, feelings and emotions and not projecting my own onto him is a life-changing realization.
We never know exactly what someone else is thinking. Often, it’s human nature to fill in the blanks with our own narrative.
We cannot tell others how they feel.
Someone close to me is struggling with mental health issues right now: pronounced anxiety more than ever before.
Their mind is spinning like a tea-cup ride at Disneyland.
And, like that ride, they are not in control of when it will stop.
They are waiting for the ride operator to hit the button and bring the spinning to a halt.
The thing is, even when they step off, it will take them some time to get their footing.
Respect others’ journeys.
It’s critical to meet others where they are — and with compassion and an open heart.
To have grace for others and ourselves.
This application takes practice and is something we must tune into each and every day as we work to develop this action into a habit.
For some, this skill is innate; for others: learned.
However, is within our potential to operate with compassion and consideration of others.
I invite you to be patient with those around you.
Reach out to a new to you writer on Medium and let them know they are seen.
Making Connections
Dr. Preeti Singh recently shared (another) thought-provoking article asking you to reflect on the meaning of “Reciprocal.”
Her piece inspired me to comment:
Reciprocal to me is treating others as you wish to be treated - with kindness, grace and an open mind and heart.
To share in persons’ learning journeys and to encourage them along the way.
To lift others up.
To show up - across the globe.
To let people know they are seen.
Worthy.
Respected.
Appreciated.
To lead with a grateful heart and share in a community that will be equitable and encouraging.
Lean into authenticity.
I didn’t know where I was going with this piece as it sat in my drafts. I still might be a bit lost.
It originated as a parenting article. I am not sure if I have effectively connected the dots of my thought processes.
After reading the above piece by Dr.Preeti Singh and also Michele Maize (The Sober Vegan Yogi)’s story about her daughter, combined with some circumstances in my own life, I felt inspired to take this message in another direction.
So, while I ramble, what is it that I hope you take away?
We never know what those around us are going through; it is not our place to condone or criticize based on assumptions and our own narrative.
You never know if that person is a parent with a broken heart — that they just realized their young non-verbal children are feeling lonely, lost, and sad and they have no idea what to do.
You never know if that person is inflicting self-harm or if someone has just learned that this is the reality for someone they love.
We just don’t know.
What we do know is that a little kindness and respecting the journey others are taking goes a long way in making the world a better place.
Compassion. Kindness. Courage. Empathy. Respect.
How do you live these values each of these every day?
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