Are Anti-Depressants the Answer for Anxiety and Depression?

Knowing whether or not you need to be medicated

Antidepressants were first discovered and introduced in the 1950s. Numerous studies have proven them to be beneficial for many people since then. They are helpful for people struggling with depression and anxiety.

Yet, there is still a stigma swirling around these tiny little pills. From people being shamed on social media as pill-poppers to others exclaiming that depression and anxiety aren’t medical disorders, these little pills can actually save someone’s life.

They can be beneficial and you also don’t have to take them forever, so why is there so much resistance to their acceptance?

We are not weak if we decide to take medication for our symptoms, especially if we are feeling like ending our life.

It took me years to get to the bottom of why I was feeling and acting so erratic. Even after on and off therapy, it wasn’t brought to my attention that I should try medication until I was in my 30s.

Things have come a long way in 10–20 years and I do believe the stigma around it is decreasing, but it is still there.

I felt bad for considering meds. Defective. Something was wrong with me and it was my fault. If I could just control myself better, I wouldn’t be in this situation.

I talk about my journey here:

Although this story isn’t my journey, but about someone very close and dear to me. It was a lot easier to talk about and share my struggles to find what worked and still works for me.

I tried many anti-depressants and finally found a mood stabilizer that changed my life. I am no longer ashamed to admit that but I feel a sense of pride that I advocated for myself and did the work.

This story is painful to share

My daughter, like many others, had a really hard time dealing with the lockdown when the pandemic began. Prior to the lockdown, she was beginning to feel stressed out because of school and her tight schedule.

Everything felt like too much for her. She began to panic when a test or a project was coming up. Dance competitions were stressing her out and one lead to a full-blown panic attack, where she almost fainted.

I thought that the break from school would be helpful after they announced it. Then, the break from dance was announced and we could all just relax while not having a busy schedule.

Even though the pandemic was awful, I accepted the break with open arms and felt that is just what was needed.

As it kept getting stretched and lengthened, and we couldn’t see an end in sight, they were craving interaction and exercise. But, both of my girls began retreating to their rooms, not getting out of their pajamas and basically seemed as if they didn’t care.

Schoolwork wasn’t a priority and looking back now, it was a joke for the first 6 months that they went back online. Everyone was cheating, no one was turning their cameras on, and no effort was put into doing the actual work.

When they finally went back in person for a few hours a day, all of the major stress came back into her life. Being that they basically did nothing for a long time, being thrown back into it with a weird schedule was a lot to juggle.

The worst day of my life

While she was back for a few hours at school, I happened to be putting some laundry in her room that jostled her open laptop.

The light came on and the words came right at me, almost knocking me to the floor. “How to cover up scars on your arm”.

I burst into tears and panicked, frantically looking around her room for more clues. Why did my baby have scars to cover up? What are these scars from? I had no idea and was the worst mom in the world.

Then, I saw it. A kitchen knife from downstairs was in her drawer. I couldn’t even move and this time I did fall to the floor. My husband rushed in because I screamed and I could barely get the words out to tell him what I just found.

We were devastated. Our sweet, loving, kind, and beautiful daughter was hurting herself. At that moment, I realized that she wears a lot of scrunchies on her wrist. All of the kids were doing that, so I didn’t think anything of it until this moment.

When she got home from school that day, we pulled her aside and had a loving conversation about it that landed us all sobbing. She said she’d only done it once and I began to research why.

Sometimes when a person feels so out of control, they do this so they can at least control something and possibly release the pain and chaos that they feel inside.

We started therapy right away. It’s been about a year since therapy began and although it has been helpful, the feelings and symptoms she is experiencing are still constant.

Describing anxiety and panic attacks

I believe that we all experience some sort of anxiety, most of it situational, and many people feel it a lot deeper.

My daughter describes many physical symptoms that accompany the mental. Her chest tightens, she feels like she can’t breathe, her heart races, she sweats, feels faint, and sometimes actually faints, and other times she hears screaming inside her mind.

In other words, she feels like she is going to die. Her therapist has walked her through so much and has been so helpful. She has tools for what to do when an episode occurs. But, all of these episodes are hindering her from living.

Her anxiety and panic attacks are hindering her from being happy. She is constantly worried, comparing herself to others, stressed, and on top of that, she is having all the physical symptoms. My once happy and energetic girl is often too stressed to smile.

Something had to give.

Is medication the answer?

No one wants to medicate their child. It is not something that I felt pulled to do at first. I think one should always seek therapy to discover what is needed and go from there.

But, after a year of therapy and the symptoms interfering and burdening her daily life, we needed to try something else.

I begin to think that if I had thought of medication in my younger years, I could have saved myself a lot of heartaches because my life changed for the better by taking that little pill.

So why the pull to medicate my daughter? Maybe it was a little shame and another is that I am altering her brain by allowing a medication in. Whatever the case may be, it came to the point where we had to try.

Seeing a psychiatrist

Her therapist referred us to a psychiatrist who happened to be in the same office where I officially was diagnosed as bipolar. I instantly felt at ease, because this was the first office that I felt listened to me and helped me discover what was wrong.

The psychiatrist spent an hour discussing symptoms and going over her charts. Her therapist also wrote an in-depth letter about her findings and time with my daughter, which was so helpful to the psychiatrist.

While meeting with the psychiatrist, the question came up about self-harm. I was in the room with her and I could sense her becoming uncomfortable. He asked her if she had harmed herself or thought of committing suicide.

She answered that she has self-harmed and he asked her when the last time was. She replied, around two months ago, in July.

My heart sank again. Her eyes began to well with tears. I wanted more than anything to take away her pain and sadness. At that moment, I would do anything to save her.

Two days ago, the psychiatrist prescribed the lowest dose of Prozac because I came to find out that Prozac is the most studied anti-depressant for people under 18. It has the highest success rate.

I am hoping that this tiny little pill helps to save my daughter from the constant worry and feelings of anxiety and panic that lead her to want to hurt herself. I can’t help but feel responsible, because I am her mother and I take on all of that burden.

We came to a crossroads and chose to try medication. Once the initial side effects lessen (at least I hope), I am hopeful for better days.

Have you ever taken anti-depressants? Or, have you watched a family member go through this? What was the turning point when you turned to this option?

If you liked my story, become a member and subscribe to Medium to read all you want each month, including my articles. If you use my subscription link, I will receive a small commission at no extra cost to you.

Thanks for reading!

Much love, Michele