Are you Stuck in the 3 unHappiness Traps?
Free yourself to Embrace the Happiness you Deserve
A modern human condition seems to be the constant obsession with self-dissatisfaction. The perennial fascination with a deep personal sense of incompleteness drives the urge for “more” and “better” to reach out beyond our grasp for that elusive HAPPINESS.
This quickly degenerates into an addiction to the relentless pursuit and accumulation of material wealth and prosperity in the hope of locating the “Happiness” to satisfy one’s ultimate true meaning and purpose of life’s existence. Sadly, like opiate addicts, they painfully discover that the promised Happiness remains elusive when awaken to the realities around them.
How did unHappiness lure you into its traps?
My take is you actually created your own unHappiness from a deep dissatisfaction with the status quo. You do not like your appearance; your career sucks; your boss is not sensitive or understanding; you cannot afford that dream car or dream house or dream gadgets and then some. You want to look better, more desirable and more beautiful because modern marketing of personal and life-style products makes you feel too fat, or too thin, or too tall, or too short, or facial features non-symmetrical; eyebrows too natural, eyes not at same level, nose not in the middle of your face, your ears unbalanced, one foot bigger than the other, one leg longer, another arm too short, one hand bigger, mouth not aligned with face, unshapely body, breasts too high or too big or too small or too ‘different’ or not enticing enough; so you cannot help but wonder … you were born the most beautiful baby, how did you become uglier and uglier as the days passed over the years?
Remember you were born an original, yet you strive to become an imitation. Just because the advertisements and product magazines say you should?
Fallen into the vanity of vanities, the search for Happiness therefore continues with daunting futility.
Dr. Travis Bradberry recognises that nearly every human action is aimed at achieving or maintaining that elusive “Happiness” state “where we feel contentment, satisfaction, and even bliss”. He had tested more than a million people as he trained tens of thousands more, and discovered some common blockages shared by unhappy people as “they fall victim to the same traps that limit their ability to reach their full potential”.
He pointed to 3 prominent “unHappiness” traps which people fall into. Once identified, these unHappiness traps can be avoided and unblocked to prevent the degeneration of your pursuit for life’s purpose as the end unto itself.
The 3 unHappiness Traps
1) We Hold Our Feelings In
“One of the great misconceptions concerning emotional intelligence (EQ) is that it is about repressing our feelings and holding them in. While it is true there are feelings that high EQ individuals do not allow to erupt on impulse, that does not mean those feelings are not expressed. Emotional intelligence means honoring our feelings and allowing ourselves to experience the catharsis that comes from embracing them for what they are. Then we express them in a manner that helps rather than hinders our ability to reach our goals”.
Express yourself to Become you. Your feelings are essentially you and their coming out is part of the awesome task to become your own realization, a first step towards Happiness. Express your feelings only for the acceptance and encouragement of loved ones. Other people’s opinions do not matter, seriously. Expressing your feelings opens an inner dialogue with yourself and affirms your individual uniqueness and significance. This is critical to building self-esteem and self-confidence.
2) We Fight Change
Stop occupying space and wasting oxygen, but be the change you want the world to become. Actively engage the human conditions of paradox, ambiguity and chaos.
“Change is an inevitable part of life, and those who fight it do so because they are struggling to remain in control. The problem with this approach is that fighting change actually limits our control over the situation by putting up a barrier between ourselves and the actions we need to take to improve our situation”.
Understand change and embolden yourself with change readiness.
Seize the initiative to change the world before the world changes you.
“The idea here is to prepare for change. This is not a guessing game where we test our accuracy in anticipating what comes next, but rather it means thinking through the consequences of potential changes so that we are not caught off guard if they surface. The first step is to admit to ourselves that even the most stable and trusted facets of our life are not completely under our control. People change, businesses go through ebbs and flows, and things simply do not stay the same for long. When we allow ourselves to anticipate change — and understand our options if changes occur — we prevent ourselves from getting bogged down by strong emotions like shock, surprise, fear, and disappointment when changes actually happen. While we are still likely to experience these negative emotions, our acceptance that change is an inevitable part of life enables us to focus and think rationally, which is critical to making the most out of an unlikely, unwanted, or otherwise unforeseen situation”.
2) We Numb Ourselves With Technology
Technology is just a tool. It is not a companion. Using it to escape gets you nowhere. Many unhappy people spend more time with technology than with their loved ones. This is how most people cope with their lack of progress in relationships; many have no family; no close friends; no boyfriends or girlfriends; unhappy most times; unloved rest of the time; no one to love all the time; in loneliness always; depressed; being sick or weak or medicated; having to depend on the unwilling; trapped in an unhappy marriage; stuck in an unhappy home; or worse abused, beaten, hungry, cold; and so, so lonely!
“The real question is how much time we spend plugged in (to video games, the TV, the tablet, the computer, the phone, social media etc.) and whether it makes us feel good or simply makes us numb. When our escape becomes a constant source of distraction, it is a sure sign we have fallen into the trap of too much of a good thing”.
If you’re trapped in unHappiness by hiding in plain sight behind anonymity in cyberspace, it’s time to wake up!
“If we want to cut back on the amount of time we are plugged in, we have to choose blocks of time where we can cut the cord and go offline. It is amazing how refreshing these breaks are when we choose an alternative activity that is equally stimulating. As we grow more comfortable without the pacifier of technology, we can gradually increase the amount of time we spend away from it”.
Getting out of these unHappiness Traps means authenticating and affirming yourself by strengthening your self-esteem so as to nurture close and intimate relationships with those around you. Use technology to embolden and empower you to nurture and develop in others a greater capacity for love and for you to receive their love in turn.
Free yourself, and emerging from the 3 unHappiness Traps will put us back on track to be transformed and restored our true self, when we can boldly share without fear or limit to bring out the best in others as well. You will discover the rainbow of true Happiness as you impact and grow the Happiness in others. Do these now.
Inspired by Dr. Travis Bradberry.
