Are You Resisting Your Life?

Here’s why it’s important to accept whatever life throws at you

Somehow, what you resist, persists. The very things that we focus on not wanting seem to reappear in our lives over and over, creating unintended and undesirable situations and circumstances.

Because of the cyclic nature of life, events and situations tend to repeat themselves until we have learned the lesson necessary for growth.

That is until we become aware of our thoughts and the beliefs that no longer serve us.

The first step is to simply be aware.

This is because if resistance continues to be a theme of our lives, suffering inevitably will crash over us like a wave, with plenty of fear and doubt to saturate our soul.

There are many times in life where the outcome of a situation isn’t our intention or something that we would want.

Events such as becoming ill, losing a job, or ending a relationship can shake our foundation to its core.

And because we cannot control these distressing events, we tend to magnify the negative aspects and emotions of the situation, while stewing in the unjustness of it all.

It is here that we can get stuck in the suffering for far too long.

But we don’t have to. It is possible to choose to release the stronghold that suffering can have over our lives with acceptance.

First and foremost: acceptance does not mean liking, wanting, choosing, or supporting adverse situations or circumstances.

Rather, acceptance in psychology is a person’s assent to the reality of a situation, while recognizing a process or condition without attempting to change it or protest it. Source

However, practicing acceptance does not necessarily mean that we won’t be able to make a change. We can accept our body and still change it, accept our emotions and acknowledge their impermanence, and accept our behavior one day when we might change it tomorrow.

Also, practicing acceptance allows us to free ourselves from the clench of resistance that creates even more suffering. Because when we are in any pain or suffering, we inadvertently pass it on to others and continue the cycle of fear and pain.

Acceptance as a practice means making a conscious choice to let go of any attachment to outcomes and to accept pain and struggles with grace and compassion (for yourself).

Acceptance is a choice.

By choosing acceptance, we make a deliberate decision to put an end to our suffering (and often the suffering of the ones that love and support us).

The process of acceptance is a straightforward acknowledgment of things or circumstances, just the way that they are.

It’s a real willingness to face and feel the emotions and thoughts that we are experiencing in the present moment.

It’s also a choice to release control of the things that we cannot change and instead choose peace and promise (instead of perfection).

Acceptance means allowing ourselves to give up suffering.

We don’t have to practice acceptance with every situation, but if we are trying to change something that seems futile, give it a try.

We must give ourselves the space to change our perception of life.

Accept reality for what it is, because only then can we begin to open our minds and shift undesirable situations to more luminous possibilities.

How I chose acceptance:

Around 15 years ago, I had a jarring and life-changing experience with acceptance.

I’ve written about my journey with chronic illness here and here.

I had lived in moderate pain for close to a decade before it all came crashing down.

Due to several autoimmune illnesses and severe chronic pain, I had to leave work for a year; reset my physical health which took another ten years, and I lost many of the people who I thought were friends before I became ill.

Life changed drastically, and I resisted it fiercely, trying to work through severe pain, take trips when I was too ill, and still trying to people-please even though it was me that I should have been taking care of. Boy, was that a tough but worthwhile lesson to learn.

And it was through all of these losses that I came to realize that maybe I needed to live more authentically and with more gratitude. Maybe I needed to rebuild my life on a foundation of compassion, love, and trust, instead of scarcity, ego, and denial.

Acceptance came slowly. I realized that I had a choice. And this was never more apparent than when a friend said, “Maybe it would be easier if you focused on the things that you can do. And maybe some things are worth the pain, especially since you’re in pain most of the time anyway.”

I took this advice seriously.

I began walking when I thought that I couldn’t, reading for hours each day, and focused on making my internal and external living space a pleasant, nurturing place to be.

I chose to accept my circumstances and, incidentally, it was through this acceptance and acknowledgment of my past and present that I no longer let my future be dictated.

Today I am able to work in a profession I love, with far better health and more happiness than I have ever experienced before. I am so grateful and believe things will keep getting better and better. I accept that there will be challenges and I move courageously forward. Even though it took years, I did it, and so can you.

Here are four ways to consciously practice acceptance:

1. Employ mindfulness by paying attention to your thoughts.

Being aware of thought patterns helps us to notice when and what we are resisting.

Gently observe that resistance is fighting the truth of what is. But it doesn’t change it.

It might look like one of these phrases: “My life is ruined,” “I am stuck,” or, “I’ll never move on from this.”

All of these statements come from a lack of acceptance, and they are simply not true. So the first step is noticing these harmful thoughts.

2. Surrender to the process.

Remind yourself that no matter how much you try to resist, the “problem” still exists. It can be helpful to acknowledge that the situation has a cause and that this has happened for a reason.

You might not always know what the reason is, but you can still accept it.

The word surrender can have negative connotations, but surrender is the bravest thing that anyone can do. It’s a willingness to accept what you cannot change, not a defeat in any way.

True surrender takes place when negative thought patterns and beliefs are stripped away and the true self emerges.

Surrender is when you say, “I may not be able to change this, but I can accept it and learn from this situation.”

3. Make a conscious and active choice to cultivate acceptance.

This is done by turning your mind towards acceptance. When we deny anything about ourselves, it inevitably conjures up inauthentic behaviors that are constructed to hide the truth and protect false beliefs.

Ironically, these strategies eventually fail and often give us more of what we don’t want.

It can be helpful to try a visualization of acceptance. Start to see yourself accepting whatever comes your way with grace and ease. Say to yourself or out loud, “I may not understand all of it, but I accept and I love myself.”

4. Make space for what you feel.

Alleviate suffering and encourage acceptance by truly feeling your emotions. Give yourself the gift of peace by breathing into any tension, stress, or worry that bothers you.

Emotions are nothing to fear, and by allowing all feelings to make themselves known, a beautiful pathway to resiliency is created.

Remember, It’s all right to respect your fears, feelings, and emotions. In fact, it’s crucial, because it means you’re not scared to face what’s true for you. Within this space of emotional acceptance and growth is where true healing can be found.