Are You Building Eulogy Virtues or Just CV Credits?

Those future tributes to you on your deathbed are governed by your actions now

There’s a profound stillness of the heart when you contemplate the dead. As you stand in your best suit, hair neatly combed and shoes shined to look respectful, you can’t help but think, not only about the deceased person’s death but whether their life was full and held meaning.

Then, you go ahead, without wanting to, perhaps, and compare their eulogy to the one that might one day be yours. Did you lead a meaningful life? Did you love? Did you leave the world a better place?

Not too long after the funeral of a loved one, a friend or a family member, you sink back into old thoughts about how to get ahead in your career, pay the bills, and be successful. You contemplate ways to make yourself popular or how to make more money, and the heightened self-awareness gained while you stooped over their grave has flown.

Author David Brooks had his aha moment, in which he recognized there’s a difference between reaching for common success and a meaningful life when he compared himself to people he felt had depth of character.

“It occurred to me that there were two sets of virtues, the resume virtues, and the eulogy virtues. The resume virtues are the skills you bring to the marketplace. The eulogy virtues are the ones that are talked about at your funeral — whether you were kind, brave, honest, or faithful. Were you capable of deep love?”

Some eulogies uncover hidden depths of the soul. They expose those hidden parts of the deceased you didn’t meet. You discover Uncle Henry took in orphaned kids or your ex-neighbor Bessie knitted sweaters for veterans who lived on the streets. And you recognize you don’t know everything about an individual when they are alive, only what they show you. But if they have character and are the type of person who warrants a beautiful eulogy, they leave blessings in their wake. They change people’s lives as they journey through the years, and their presence is felt even when they are long gone.

Before you think seriously of the contents of your eulogy-to-be, you must face those of several people you love who pass before you. Your parents, and maybe cherished friends, might shuffle off, leaving you to compose a description of them and speak on behalf of their soul on the day they are put in the ground.

At such times, you recall how they made you feel when they walked the Earth and their accomplishments. You take into account their resume, considering their credentials and social standing career-wise. But you understand what mattered most about them, and best describes them, is how they touched the lives of others and where their spiritual footprints fell. Did they share kindness and abundance? Did they fill rooms with joy? Did they serve in ways that made lives easier?

The best time, of course, to contemplate your eulogy for real is now, while you still travel through life and can make a difference. It’s never too late to think about the impact you make and whether you’d prefer to change direction.

The truth is, the things you do now — what you say and how you treat people — influence your environment as well as you personally. The way you speak to people and how you spend time matters. It matters not just because, one day, someone will create a eulogy about you (or that, even if you’ve written your own, mourners at your funeral will fill their heads with what they know about you). What you do now counts because it’s a eulogy in motion. Your eulogy is being written in the stars at this precise moment in time and is governed by your actions and thoughts.

In many ways, it’s easier to strive for virtuous credentials and social wealth via standing. You might need to work hard to pass exams and move up the scale. But it’s doable. Your character, though, is built one brick upon the other by your everyday behaviors. And the difficulty is, you might not recognize what kind of person you’re turning into. That is unless you are mindful and self-aware.

Self-awareness, and bringing your thoughts and actions back in line with your intentions, can help you stay on track if you want a beautiful eulogy. More importantly, it can help you truly live right now, with a fierce, yet kind heart and indelible footprints.