Are You Being Misled By First Impressions?

7 ways we often get blind-swiped and 7 more ways to avoid the traps

On that day, my wife returned from her grocery shopping with some of these fruits. I don’t even know their true names. But here, we call these brown or black-cloaked fruits African walnuts.

Unlike their English varieties (in name only) which grow on tall deciduous trees, the African walnut grows on thick, frail, climbing rope-like tendrils.

On that day, I snacked on some of these delicious fruits. Lunch time.

At first sight, these depressing black or gray-colored fruits could be put-offs to the uninitiated. But when you muster the courage to crack the boiled fruit, a world of simple but delicious goodness awaits you.

But this delicacy comes with a caveat; don’t drink water as soon as you’ve gulped it in. A bitter aftertaste instantly assails your taste buds should you dare slake your walnut-induced thirst.

Loaded with contrasting tastes, the African walnut teaches you this lesson.

Don’t be quick to make conclusions just because of outward appearances.

That is to say, appearances are not everything.

In the Holy Bible, the Prophet Samuel was mandated to select and anoint a new king for the nation of Israel from among Jesse’s sons. God Almighty had correct the prophet’s wrongly disposed selection criteria.

Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The LORD doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart. 1 Samuel 16 : 7 (Holy Bible)

Be it at job interviews or when seeking new friends or promising spouses of our dreams, we often judge and select based on our first impressions.

From experience, we know that most of our first impressions are often wrong. Yet, that is the way we frequently choose to bet. Why? Because this lesson quickly gets lost on us.

7 Reasons — Why We Bet (Wrongly) Based on First Impressions

• Judging by sight: We are prone to judging based on appearances.
• Carried away by words: We easily get swayed by what people say.
• Self-Projection: Good-nature people often project their own innate goodness on others — indiscriminately.
• Universalizing personal experiences: Your life and experience are unique to you. When you project these on others, your impressions and judgments will be wrong — most of the time.
• We make wrong assumptions about others based on what we knew about their past, which may not be true for their present situations.
• The halo effect of hearsay. Most people use social media to show off their best sides while whitewashing their shortcomings. Many admirers and followers naively take those glowing make-believes as truthful, only to discover that their cyber-idols misled them.
• Blind-swiped by Fundamental Attribution Error (FAE). We often take other people’s initial behaviors as being giveaway evidence of their true natures. In real life, people respond to situations according to the contexts in which they find themselves. Those responses may not be genuine reflections of who they are.

The heart of the matter , — the heart matters most.

7 Tips Keep You from Being Blind-swiped by First Impressions

In life, business and relationships, people can easily be mislead you by first impressions. Use these tips to avoid such pitfalls.

• Actions speak louder than words. Always. Look beyond what you hear. Watch out for nonverbal cues to help you verify if people are being truthful or if you are being cajoled into a deceptive ride.
• Don’t get swept away by too much sweet talk. Be a good listener. Good listeners are more likely to be beneficial influences and better fits for your life than those who are experts at talking up storms.
• Watch out for ensnaring Greek gifts. Kind deeds win hearts and resonate with all classes of people. You are not to be suspicious or read meanings into all acts of people’s goodwill. But you must watch for those who cloak their ulterior motives with beguiling kindness.
• Character cannot hide for too long. Like smoke, it will always escape from its confinement. In like manner, sooner than later, a person’s true character will reveal itself. You are not to live in perpetual suspicion of others. But know that people often reveal their true colors during unscripted and unguarded moments. Unconsciously.
• Probe for the motive. Always seek to know the motives behind what people are saying or doing. Again, you are not to be unduly suspicious. Protect yourself with the knowledge that people often act in ways inconsistent with their genuine characters. Figuring out the motives behind their actions will help you avoid the blinding bright lights of first impressions.
• Avoid Stereotyping. From Victor Hugo’s classic, The Hunch Back of Notre Dame came this one most enduring of life’s lessons — looks can be deceiving. This was aptly demonstrated by the deformed church bell ringer, Quasimodo. Noble at heart, though grotesque looking, Quasimodo cultivated a faithful but impossible relationship with Esmerelda, the doomed gypsy heroine of the novel.
• Trust but confirm. Be quick to hear, slow to speak, and reluctant to pass instant judgments at first impressions. Learn to be mindful. Mindfulness means you should be self-conscious and aware of what you say or do.

Takeaway

Learn to always see beyond the face value of things. This is your first key to understanding people, nurturing healthy relationships, and growing in and through life,

Thank you for reading.

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