Are you ashamed to be sober?
Nothing captures society’s deeply unhealthy attitude towards alcohol like the shame some of us feel for actually making an excellent health decision.
This is caused by many people’s binary view of booze consumption: either you’re an “alcoholic” or not.
An “alcoholic” is presented as someone who lacks self control, who has a shameful problem that everyone else does not.
When turning down a drink after finally kicking the habit, said person might even be asked, “what’s wrong with you, are you an alcoholic or something?”
In fact, does choosing sobriety not show that we are in control?
The person shaming someone for not drinking, for being “boring”, is far closer to the stereotypical view of an “alcoholic” than the person who has chosen not to drink.
This paradox was on full display in a great interview I read in Spin Magazine with Jacoby Shaddix, lead singer of the band Papa Roach.
Forced to justify our good decisions
Shaddix has been sober for 10 years now, a tough road to tread in the world of Rock and Roll.
Like many of us, he was made to feel like his decision to get sober was a problem, not the alcohol he was consuming.
“When I first quit drinking I was kind of ashamed of myself in a weird way, because I was like, not the ‘real deal’,” Shaddix told the magazine.
When he told his producer he was quitting drinking, the producer was actually upset. He said that sobriety was “ruining rock and roll.”
The response from Shaddix?
“First off, f*ck that. This is not boring. This is a life or death situation for me, so f*cking stand down.”
Love the fire!
“I had a real rough time of it for some years, trying to stay sober and going on the road and touring,” he explained. “I was trying to hide it and that wasn’t working out for me, so finally in 2012 was when I had my last sip of alcohol.
“I’m super grateful, that’s something that I can honestly say. I don’t ever want to f*ck with booze again.”
Not that it was easy for him. Shaddix finally kicked alcohol after his wife kicked him out and his brother, who he was living with afterwards, called him out as someone he no longer looked up to.
Tide is turning
I think that, fortunately, more and more people are starting to come to terms with how deeply detrimental alcohol is to our physical and mental health.
The advent of months like Sober October and Dry January are making it less stigmatizing, more socially acceptable — even a fun challenge — not to drink.
While some may still ask “what’s wrong with you” if you say you don’t drink, others will sidle up and whisper “man, that’s great, I really wish I drank less.”
So if you’re ever made to feel ashamed, try to focus on the people who respond in a positive way.
Or just try the Papa Roach approach and say: “First off, f*ck that. F*cking stand down.”
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