LGBT|LGBTQ| Allyship | Love

Are You an Ally or Are You Anonymous?

How to start standing up for your LGBTQ loved one today.

A lot of families feel surprised or shocked when a loved one comes out as LGBTQ. Their entire thought process usually tunes into their own feelings. How can this be? What did I do to make my son gay? What will the pastor at church think? How can I possibly accept this when it goes against the Bible? Are you sure you aren’t just going through a phase? There are myriad ways to respond to this information. Most of them are incredibly selfish.

It’s not unusual to feel overwhelmed with the announcement. Some families and friends were pretty sure they knew the truth a long time ago. For others, it comes right out of the left field.

There’s a single bottom line, though. Your LGBTQ loved one NEEDS you to be an ally and come alongside them through this journey. They are afraid of being rejected and facing a lifetime of bias from others. So how do you become an ally instead of staying anonymous by keeping everything a big secret so nobody knows?

Let’s take a look at the word ALLY and see what we get.

A longside

The bottom line here is your LGBTQ loved one wants you to walk alongside them through life. They want to be accepted, just like everyone else. A person’s sexual identity doesn’t define who they are. It simply defines who they are attracted to. Period. Walking alongside them is simply common decency and care.

L ove

It’s such a simple word. Love. We all want it. We all give it to some. We all should be able to love whoever we want. But what I really want you to stop and think about is this. Right now, today, right after you hear this news, do you honestly love your person any less than you did an hour ago? Your son, your daughter, your parent, your friend? Have they changed in personality in any way? (hint: the answer is no) All you really need to do is continue to love someone who you have always loved. Easy-peasy, right?

L earning

This one is huge! If you’re anything like I was when I began this journey, you probably don’t know a whole lot about the LGBTQ community. Take the time to learn the language, understand the commonalities and the differences between the acronym's letters. Better yet, take the time to learn about the commonalities your LGBTQ person has with YOU. This seemingly huge divide truly can be navigated with love. And then everybody wins.

You

Your big takeaway here is this really isn’t about you at all. It’s about that person you’ve loved for so long. It’s about a profound truth they need you to know. It’s about how the fear of rejection has kept them hidden away, even from you, for all these years.

For me, being an ally wasn’t even a decision when my grandchild came out as transgender at 16. I had no other choice in the world. No, everyone around me doesn’t agree with me. In fact, a lot of people in my church-going world don't agree with me. But I’m OK with that. All of those people have plenty of folks who come alongside them every day. And that’s a good thing. I happen to believe we all need someone to do that for us.

I’m Teresa — and I’m an ally.

Thanks for being here!

If you would like the next story in this series, you can go here

To help take the bite out of a touchy word, go here.

To learn more about who I am, read this.

And to read how my journey learning to be an ally began, go here.