Are Some People Just Destined To Be Alone?
Could it be possible that some of us just aren’t meant to be in an intimate relationship with anyone?
I see thousands of posts across social media platforms everyday about others being single, practicing self love, and how they can’t find anyone to share their life with. Most, I feel don’t stem from just loneliness. I think we have a huge issue with how we handle relationships anymore.
The digital age has impacted how we actually communicate. We’ve gone from in-person, face to face interactions to phone calls. Calls that lose facial expression and body language as forms of communication. The modern era involves a random disappearing photo on Snap, emotionless text messages, or sliding into someone’s DM.
Actual dates seem obsolete. Getting to know someone for their communication skills in person has vanished. We don’t actually date, we get involved in situationships because so many don’t want commitment. Apps like Tinder, where it’s just about sex and hookups, have become the norm.
Call me old fashioned, but I miss the days of when two people would sit next to each other, watching the sunset and talking about life. Everyone is either too busy or not interested anymore. It leaves people like me out in the dark, enjoying these things by ourselves. After awhile, it becomes more and more things in life that we do alone. You start feeling like this is a standard you need to have for yourself. Partly because it’s become habit of doing things alone and truly learning to enjoy the solitude.
There seems to be this societal normal now of dating and relationships as instant gratification. So many of us have gotten so used to be independent, getting sex on command, and being disconnected with others that truly dating to find your best friend and life companion isn’t happening anymore. Maybe a couple of dates. Maybe a few months at a time. But the true depth of human connection seems to have fallen away like the fog after sunrise.
I’m an oddity and I know I am. It’s hard enough for me to just get a date with someone that isn’t interested in glorifying my life. See, I’m a farmer. Not a farm wife. I work and managed a small farm. I operate tractors, raise livestock, handle the day to day operations of a 150 acre farm with 50 plus head of cattle. I’m also a marketing professional that assists other small farms with sales and marketing. I manage several Facebook groups with thousands of members. I’m a mom. I’m a mentor, writer, and photographer. But most view me as the ideal partner, until they realize that I don’t have a lot of extra time.
Divorce rates are ridiculous with farmers because they are never around or available. They miss parties, functions, and weddings because the farm will always come first. Many don’t realize that we are at the mercy of mother nature and livestock. We signed up for this life but it isn’t for the faint of heart. Having a relationship with someone that isn’t independent themselves is never going to work. Farming is our passion and first love. We take a lot of pride in what we do and give away so much of ourselves to farming. When you get involved with a farmer, you will always become a second or third priority and it takes a strong individual with a strong sense of self to understand and accept that.
After ten years of “being alone”, the dating world is a place I avoid. You won’t catch me on dating apps. I don’t have time to socialize to meet new people. I’m too tired for the bar scene. Most social gathers just happen to be timed out when it’s the busiest season on the farm. If I need to pick between calving season issues and perfect haying weather to attending a BBQ, you’ll find me on the farm dealing with the issues or driving the tractor to get winter feed in. I’ll always pick not losing a calf and feeding my animals over the top of gossip and food I may or may not like.
People have such a false image of what running a farm is really like and dating is either a glorified competition for free food or bragging rights to say they date a farmer, until reality hits and they see what this life is really like. The hardships and difficulties are very real. Then they run, rejecting that hardworking and passionate person like a piece of garbage thrown out a car window at 55 mph. Sometimes, that rejection is unbearable.
After the latest rejection, with someone I thought was independent enough to truly understand, I’ve come to the conclusion that some of us just might not be meant to be in an intimate relationship. Whether it’s by the abnormal dating standards or by lifestyle, it’s just not easy to find someone to share your life with. Especially when you consider it’s just difficult enough to find friends to hang out with from time to time.
For the right person, I’d find ways to compromise time available to actually be able to do things like dinners out or a Sunday drive. Unfortunately, no one ever sticks around long enough to get to that part. I know it’s going to take a very special individual to deal with who and what I am. I just don’t think it’s out there. That’s my sad and unfortunate reality. I truly believe I’m just not meant to have a best friend and partner in this life. Maybe I’ve given up some of my hope in that category.
You can judge and say it’s because I’m damaged and unforgiving. I probably am to some extent. People my age (46), all come with flaws. Most of us do by the age of 20 anymore. That doesn’t make me unlovable or capable of love. I’ve got a huge heart and I’m a kind, compassionate, and caring person but, I also know I come with trust issues, a lifestyle that is a nightmare, and mental health recovery issues. If someone would just take the time, they’d soon find out that I’m an asset to have. I’m sure that sounds egotistical, but I’m a good woman that works hard and is willing to stand beside you without hesitation in this battle we call life.
It’s extremely difficult for strong women like me to sit back and watch as other women brag about their relationships, sex life, and solid relationships with their spouses. They are what I’m going to call women that have discovered the art of compromise and bending. That’s the issue with strong women, we don’t and can’t compromise ourselves and bending is available, just very limited. Most just won’t give the time, effort or energy to discover that. Again, back to the instant gratification of how dating works these days.
I don’t know what my future holds but I know I won’t settle. I’m alone, but I’m far from lonely. Would it be nice to have someone to come home to at the end of the day? Sure would. Would it be nice to have someone to curl up next to at night? Absolutely. The issue is, I refuse to settle for anything less than someone that understands my life’s choices and passions. That someone that has no issues with me being me and them being strong enough to go do their own thing too. Someone that I can encourage, as they do me. Someone that choses to help me through bad days, just as I would them. Best friends, there to support and build each other.
Until that comes along, I’ll still be living the same life that defines who I am as a person. While I may wish for more, I can’t stop life. I refuse to stop building and pursuing my dreams for the future. I just won’t have anyone to truly share all that joy and happiness with. Maybe someday, but until then I’m not going to be heartbroken. I’m just going to keep on living. It’s the only true choice I have.
