PHILOSOPHY

Are Our Childhood Influences the Architects of Who We Become?

The Impact of Childhood

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Have you ever thought about the impact of our childhood on who we are today? Just think about all those childhood memories and the lessons from the people who took care of us. Every abrasion we had, or what about those bedtime stories? Were these all puzzle pieces that — as we grow older — we try to fit together to reveal who we are today?

I find this thought quite fascinating. I am not sure if it sounds logical or bizarre that what happened back then determined who we are right now. Actually, it makes me question it: is this really the case?

What If We Let Go?

The first thing that comes to mind is that the influences from our childhood can only affect us if we cling to them. We choose to do so, regardless of what we have experienced.

Does this sound harsh? Perhaps, but don’t take it personally. Remember that your Ego is the only one that can take things personally.

What you truly are has no reason to feel attacked.

What you truly are also has no reason to cling to what you have experienced in the past.

We all have a backpack, including me. And no, my backpack isn’t filled with unicorns and rainbows, either. But I’ve come to realize that I can also take off that backpack. I don’t have to keep it on, nor do I need to fill it with new things. My Ego, of course, disagrees with that. It uses all those things as fuel to roar even louder. But now I know better.

Letting go is incredibly liberating, and I’m convinced that you can do it too. You can decide right now to set aside those traumatic experiences. Set them beside your job title, beside your name, beside that self-created persona.

You are not your trauma.

You are not your job.

You are not your name.

If you identify yourself with those, I advise you to stop immediately.

What you’ve experienced is no more.

Your work is nothing more than a service you provide with a meaningless title.

Your name is merely a recognition mechanism, chosen or made up by the one who was legally allowed to do so.

Childhood Experiences and The Ego

If you are not familiar with the concept of the Ego, I can imagine that it’s hard to understand what I’m talking about. Let me clarify myself:

Your Ego is your self-invented ‘I-figure’ that has been built up over the years.

It consists of many layers. From the moment you were born, various influences have ‘conditioned’ you into who or what you now think you are. Conditioning may sound strange to you. You can also call it ‘shaping.’

So why did I say “self-invented”?

Because of what we experience and what we have learned from others — whether those are good or bad things — we have decided to present ourselves in a certain way to the outside world and to ourselves. Often, we do this without questioning whether it’s 'right' or if it’s even accurate at all.

Many times, it doesn’t make any sense.

Perhaps you bullied others when you were a kid and now consider yourself superior. Maybe you were the one being bullied and now experience insecurity. Both superiorism and insecurity are related to your Ego, layers formed by what you’ve experienced. As you are the one who’s able to choose the narrative inside that mind of yours, you’re the one making up your own “I-figure”. Your persona, or ‘mask,’ as the word ‘persona’ originates from Latin.

The culture you grew up in also plays an important factor in the development of your Ego. If you’ve been molded from birth to fit into a particular group, ideology, religion, cult, or belief — whatever it may be — that could very well be the foundation for who you believe yourself to be today.

This is a sensitive subject because my experience has taught me that people often identify themselves with their beliefs. Again, I want to ask you not to take this personally. If you feel attacked, know that it’s not the real you feeling attacked.

I’m also not asking you to agree with me or believe me at all. It might be better to conduct your own research to verify what I’m saying. And with that research, I advise you to try to challenge all your current ‘truths’ with an open mind. All your beliefs. I don’t know of a better way to conduct thorough self-examination.

Challenging Our Conditioned Beliefs

Perhaps you suddenly feel offended now, find me strange, or are experiencing something else negative. Or maybe you’ve become curious and are now wondering about that self-examination.

If it’s the former — it’s completely okay. You’re free to think whatever you want of me. However, I’m willing to learn and consider your perspective with an open mind. If it’s the latter, then consider the following:

What is the origin of your current beliefs, attitudes, norms, and values, etc.?

Did YOU carefully choose them all by yourself, or were they passed down to you? Now things become interesting. Perhaps even uncomfortable.

Everything we have ‘learned’ in our lives, or have ‘consumed’ from sources such as our parents, family members, friends, books, TV, the internet, and our school teachers, has all played a role in shaping our beliefs. However, the big question is: what if these are not, or are no longer, relevant? What if our beliefs, or some of them, do not serve us at all but instead hinder us? What if they make our lives more complicated rather than better?

You know, I’ve had it happen to me so many times where I heard someone else’s voice in my head and was convinced it was my own voice. This reminds me of a Bruce Lee movie where he stood in a room full of mirrors. “Enter the Dragon.”

Imagine you’re walking in such a mirror room. Everywhere, you see reflections of yourself, but which one is the REAL you? Yes, this kind of self-examination is incredibly difficult. It can feel like you’re trying to convince yourself that the sky isn’t blue when you’ve been absolutely convinced your whole life that it is. A funny fact is, by the way, that we only perceive the sky as blue…

Don’t get me wrong, okay? I’m not asking you to throw away everything you’ve learned. You might just ask yourself, ‘Is this really me?’ and not settle for the first answer that comes to mind. Are your beliefs really yours, or are they hereditary?

If you get a bit further with that, you might consider starting to let go of things. Things that no longer belong to you — to your TRUE self. Isn’t this worth investigating? I think life is too short to live by someone else’s script. Perhaps this is a good start to 2024.

What do you think?

Britt E. inspired me to write this piece by a comment she placed on this article.