Are COVID Anti-vaxxers More Likely to Engage in Unsafe Sex?

Hypothesis: If they don’t care about health and safety in general, why would they care about sexual health?

I have an embarrassing admission to make: The guy I wrote about a few weeks ago—the one who asked to skip the condom on the first date—also hadn’t gotten inoculated…yet.

How did he end up in my bed, you may ask? I really don’t have much to say in my defense, other than that the lethal combination of lust and really poor judgment led us there. I recall concluding that since I’m vaccinated and we had both gotten tested before meeting up, I was still on the safe side. Besides, I was already dressed up and on the damn date; we’d long taken our masks off and were giggling just an inch from each other’s faces between sips of red when he dropped the bomb.

—Whaaaaaaat? But why? was my immediate reaction.

In the circles I run in—in my liberal, progressive home base of Berlin—I literally never meet anyone who isn’t vaccinated, thus I tend to assume, perhaps naively, that anyone with half a brain has done the deed. Therefore, it didn’t even occur to me to ask this seemingly enlightened gentleman beforehand.

To his defense, he insisted that he’s not against it per se, he’s just waiting a bit to see how it all pans out.

I know, I know… this should have been my cue to pack up and run for the hills, but alas.

Mr. anti-vaxx continued to assure me that he tests himself several times a week, wears a mask, and is generally careful. I’m also in great health, he added, so I know I’d be fine either way.

I had all the counterarguments lined up on the tip of my tongue, charged, and ready to fire. Instead, I gulped them down with a mouthful of Primitivo and let my nice-girl programming take the wheel:

Don’t overreact, I’m sure he has his reasons. Let’s not be so judgemental. Let’s be agreeable. Let’s keep the peace!

I later found out that not only was he unvaccinated, but he also carried a fake vaccination pass so that he could still get into bars and clubs. Eew! This was more than I could swallow. Adding his request to forego protection, it was obvious this guy was bad news!

When he contacted me after our evening together, I finally told him what I already should have—as in, before we left the bar for my apartment—that his actions and attitudes were three non-negotiable hard-strikes, proving to me that we don’t even remotely share the same values and moral ground. These major red flags made it crystal clear that he is selfish, inconsiderate of others, reckless, and unsafe, and nothing he could say or do would make me change my mind.

As I bid my adieus, I recalled that almost the exact same scenario had played out with one of my closest friends, only a month prior. She, too, had hooked up with a guy who she found out was unvaccinated—and who also pleaded to skip the condom. In her case, she was convinced that he even did remove it while she wasn’t looking and thus committed the punishable crime of stealthing (Demeter Delune writes about that in this insightful piece). Unfortunately, the lack of clear evidence and the fact that he was visiting from another city kept her from pressing charges. Instead, she did the sane and responsible thing and hit up the STI clinic the next day, and then proceeded to wait the required six weeks for a full HIV and Hepatitis screening before moving on with her (sex-) life.

Perhaps I’m drawing too-fast of a conclusion here, but the similarities between the attitudes and behaviors of these two guys are glaringly conspicuous, down to the maneuvers and language they used to circumvent the situations;

I know I’m clean. I just got tested. I’m in great health. I’m always careful. I do really care…

Their words carried little value when their actions clearly proved the opposite to be true: They weren’t always careful or they wouldn’t have made the request for bareback sex in the first place, and surely, they didn’t seem to care much about anyone but themselves.

While I only have two concrete examples of this exact correlation, I have seen other instances where those who tend to be less concerned with masking up, more skeptical of the vaccine, and likelier to do things like fake the dates on their official antigen tests are also laxer and more likely to push for unprotected sex. On the other hand, friends, and lovers who take COVID measures seriously also happen to be very responsible when it comes to sexual health.

A coincidence? I think not.

It seems apparent (and makes a ton of sense) that those who are considerate, trustworthy, and respectful of boundaries; those who care about their own health as well as that of others, apply those qualities across the board.

On the contrary, those who are careless, unreliable, and disrespectful of others, or who foolishly believe themselves to be above getting sick, seem to be engaging in riskier and more dangerous behavior overall.

So while a willingness to get vaccinated and condom use is not directly related, a person’s value system usually happens to inform all areas of their lives, thus creating an incidental connection between the two nonetheless.

As numbers are surging once again here in Germany, and rules for attending events or entering indoor spaces have gone from 3G (vaccinated, recovered, or tested) to 2G (vaccinated or recovered only) and now to 2G+ (vaccinated or recovered and tested), I’ve decided to apply a 2G++ rule to my social and dating life as well. Wanna hang out? Be vaccinated or recovered, tested, and pack condoms. No exceptions!

Latest today on Twitter, I suggested a new hashtag movement; #cockblocktheunvaccinated (or #fuckstucktheunvaccinated for a gender-neutral version). Following in the footsteps of pro-dommes who require their clients to be vaccinated before entering their dungeons, I believe we should all require the same for anyone entering our bedrooms or our personal spaces in general. If limiting access to events and public spaces is not incentive enough for the approximately thirty percent of the population who remain inoculated, perhaps limiting access to physical and emotional intimacy is the motivation needed to curb the latest wave?

© Ena Dahl 2021