Summary

The article discusses the complex nature of heroes and the unintended harm they can cause, juxtaposing their benevolent intentions with the pain they inflict, and calls for acknowledgment and change.

Abstract

The author reflects on the paradoxical nature of heroes, acknowledging that while they may have good intentions, their actions can sometimes lead to hurt and harm. Drawing from personal experiences and broader societal examples, the article emphasizes that heroes, like comedians, can inadvertently hurt the very people they aim to help or entertain. It delves into the personal impact of such 'heroes' and the denial that often accompanies their harmful actions. The piece advocates for empathy towards those who hurt others while maintaining that true heroism involves recognizing one's faults and the negative consequences of one's actions. The author suggests that healing and progress can only occur when heroes listen to those they have harmed and work collaboratively towards a shared understanding.

Opinions

The author believes that the benevolent intentions of heroes do not negate the harm they cause, emphasizing that both comedians and heroes can be sources of pain.
There is a call for heroes to take responsibility for their actions, acknowledging that their good deeds do not cancel out the harm they have caused.
The article suggests that people who have been hurt by those they considered heroes deserve empathy and recognition.
It is argued that recovering from trauma is challenging and that those who have caused harm should strive to understand the impact of their actions.
The author expresses that heroes should not be defined by their mistakes but by their willingness to admit fault and work towards positive change.
The piece implies that the true measure of a hero is their ability to listen to and learn from those they have wronged, rather than denying or justifying their actions.
The author encourages heroes to engage in self-reflection and dialogue with those they have affected to foster mutual understanding and growth.

And The Oscar Goes To…

Benevolent Chauvinism

Graphic by me, photo from Academy Awards (ABC)

And who says Chivalry is dead?

My heart CLENCHED as soon as I saw their fist rise. As soon as I saw the fear in the other person’s face. As soon as I saw the hurt that motivated that first person to hurt someone else.

They say love motivated them. And maybe it did. That’s not for me to say. The people who helped and yet hurt me said the same thing, you know?

The other person calls themselves a comedian. It’s just a joke, bro. And maybe they are a comedian. That’s not for me to say. The people who helped and yet hurt me said the same thing, you know?

What I want to say is that comedians hurt people. And that includes the very people they proclaim they’re here to make laugh.

What I want to say is that heroes hurt people, too. And that includes the very people they proclaim they’re here to save.

DID I MISS ANYTHING?

My own past has its share of heroes who hurt me.

One insists she gave up her life to take over as my mom once my real one left. But she also brought in friends who groomed and abused me. Those two things don’t cancel each other out.

Another hero used his power and influence more than once to ensure I had adequate housing, an income, an occasional person with whom to hang out. But my brother also used me and any woman I cared for as though we were drugs made first of all to satisfy his Frame (it’s a pick-up artist strategy) and endless need for validation and sex.

I Am Trash

In a mental health institution for boys, a young trans girl isn’t trash. She’s a prize.

medium.com

They meant no harm — so they take no responsibility for any harm.

They see only the sacrifices they made to help me. What room is there for them to see that the very people they swore to protect are begging them to STOP?

Hurt people hurt people

At least from my own past, these people took center stage. In their story, they are the heroes. The main characters. The people who know their hearts are good and thus never need to be proven.

When we question their character, their good intentions, the very essence of their being, it’s like calling into question the nature of the universe.

When we tell them the things about them that they were promised would only manifest destiny — they revolt. Who wouldn’t? When you feel attacked, you feel like defending yourself. Even when you know they’re right.

Where do I point all of this empathy?

It’s not that my thoughts aren’t with the people who hurt us and what drove them to do so. I cultivate empathy and compassion for anyone who acts with good intentions and then lives in denial of the equally harmful impact of their subsequent actions.

As a person active in recovery circles, I’ve been there. I’m still there often enough. Recovering from trauma is HARD.

A message from a queer trans mom

As a trans queer mom with a desire to behave as the mom that me and all of my queer family deserved…

medium.com

It’s just that when it comes to where to point my empathy, I am just one person. I have limited space.

So my thoughts instead are with the people who are hurt by those heroes.

Hurt people, please stop hurting people

My thoughts are with the people JK Rowling continues to harm and abuse whenever she can personally, medically, or legally identify their identity or simple experiences as transgender.

Does JK Rowling Pass The Voldemort Test?

It takes less than 30 seconds to tell whether the other person is secretly Voldemort

aninjusticemag.com

My thoughts are with the countless people in this 2018 Medium article that detailed how many seemingly heroic authors had secretly been hurting vulnerable young fans.

I’m not about to name more names than that. There’s only so much space in this article, too.

But if I did have a message for the heroes who hurt us

Much as we might yearn for a perfect hero who never makes mistakes, the humans around us are the best we’ve got.

Their efforts to do better — to BE better — need to be recognized. Those efforts matter and are a part of the people we once called heroes.

They’re a part of the people we STILL can call heroes.

But heroes don’t need to prove they’re heroes. They just need to BE — and part of that will mean admitting as much fault as honor.

I beat up on The Dark Knight as often as possible…but those final lines really are inspiring. Heroes do what needs to be done regardless. They take the pain that comes from acknowledging the harmful impact of their actions. They take the pain that comes from persisting through their efforts to be GOOD, too.

The only difference between those heroes being heroes vs common people who hurt and deny — is whether they let the people they hurt bring as much light to that harm as the people they saved.

Final thoughts

So whether you’re a hero or a harmer (ouch lol), talk to yourself. Listen to your good intentions.

But talk to the people you tried to help, too. Listen if they tell you your actions are having an impact beyond your good intentions. Remember that the things that are good for you might be poison for the person you’re trying to help.

Helping others means more than turning the world into an extension of ourselves. It means making space for the people we love — even when that means listening when they ask us to stop.

Stopping, after all, doesn’t mean we’re bad people. Even heroes make mistakes.

But you know what else heroes do? They don’t let acknowledging a mistake strip them of their mask. Their cowl. Their identity.

Because admitting fault isn’t the end of an era. It’s a chance to finally cross the divide of denial. A chance to finally work together and build a piece of what each one of us needs.

For my Oscar 2023 coverage

The end (of the article)

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