How To Become Clearly Irresistible

Upgrade your magnetism and appeal today, whoever you are.

* (This story was written before Covid-19) *

Many people, young and older, are confused by what actually makes them attractive to others, after all, there are so many different kinds of people out there. We don’t all want the same kind of partner, however, in my experience, there are some human traits that seem universally appealing to most people.

Therefore, I’ve narrowed down some attitudes and behaviors below, that I believe, have stood the test of time and are the most reliable indicators of what makes one person pique our interest, and stand out from the rest.

Be Mysterious — Never let it all hang out

When meeting a new date for the first time, some people automatically go into flirt mode or talking a lot about themselves and their opinions, etc, in order to appear interesting and confident. The trouble is, they often seem like all the others — with a big ego, giving everything upfront, which isn’t especially appealing or exciting.

The point is, you need to have something intriguing, unique and unknown about you, that isn’t like other people. You need to believe you’re attractive (without looking smug).

This may sound phony, but if you believe you’re powerfully attractive (as a wholly unique and interesting individual), this will come through and give you a positive edge that other people find fascinating. Everybody loves someone who enjoys being their self, without apology or explanation.

Therefore, if you have an unusual hobby or occupation, that’s a headstart, but resist the need to give every detail, especially for the first few dates. Be all about the other person or neutral topics — and they won't be able to take their eyes or mind off you.

Be Curious

Once you’re past the initial introduction, show genuine interest in your date, by asking a few open-ended but casual questions; ones they can’t say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to.

Make sure your questions can’t be construed as nosy or highly controversial or you’ll make yourself look clumsy and your date feel uncomfortable. You can always work out a few good conversation starters and subjects to touch on before you meet.

Be Warm, Friendly and Interested

Keep things light, fun and positive, and the conversation on neutral topics/events or your date’s interests. If they divulge one of their pastimes, become curious about it, and even better, make them feel interesting, admired, and clever. Whatever you do, don’t say you’re not interested in that, and then make the conversation about you.

Remember, if you want to reel someone in, you need to open them up so they enjoy talking to you. Keep in mind, when you first meet someone, what isn’t revealed by you can be just as alluring as what is.

Show Your Good Manners

Nobody has to have sophisticated or highbrow tastes, but, when you’re out on a date, if you always have impeccable manners, saying please and thankyou easily, no matter what anyone else is doing, and not taking any good deed for granted, it will always make a good first impression.

Have a Sense of Humor

Having a sense of humor is so important now. Without it, all the world problems would seem even more grave. If you can see the funny side of life — and there always is one, it makes you much better company and more spontaneous and easy to talk to, as you don’t believe everything is said, and meant, in earnest. You also appear younger, sexier, and more relaxed than people that don’t laugh.

Humor also makes you seem more intelligent, likable, and broad-minded, as you’re able to understand the nuances of conversation. Whenever someone laughs easily, it lightens the mood, so you will have a lot more fun on a date with a big dose of humor thrown in.

Gentleness with Confidence — An understated power and charm

This might not sound like much, and often flies under the radar, but believe me, if you have ever met someone who has a truly gentle approach and way of speaking, who doesn’t push or prod you for anything, who doesn’t use arrogance, intolerance or drama to make a point, and who readily listens and accepts you as you are; they can make you feel like you’re soon going to melt. So if you can hone this alluring, seductive quality in yourself; Good for you — it’s a real winner.

Other important details for a first date

• Smile easily, relax, and don’t act ‘touchy’ or too judgemental about anything that’s said, as it can make you seem hard to please and even harder to talk to.
• Avoid being cynical, vulgar, negative, or complaining. Not only do people find these traits tiresome, but they’ll make you seem older, washed-out, less attractive and successful, (even if you’re not).
• Don’t mention your previous lovers or anything to do with your former love life. Show no interest in your date’s previous love life either, even if they mention it. In my experience, no good comes from sailing down old murky waters, it just makes you look like you can’t move on and you don’t enjoy the present.
• Never get drunk, become loud, rude, presumptuous or act like a victim, and don’t ask for personal favors. Remember, you’re in charge of your life and are responsible for it. You don’t want to be remembered for embarrassing behavior.
• Don’t play down your strengths or value, and say things like, ‘I’m just a ….’ and don’t apologize for being yourself. That’s who you’re meant to be, so be proud of it.
• Put your phone away when in company. Not only is it bad manners to keep checking your phone, but the only way to make someone feel special and listened to, is to make good friendly eye contact and give them all your attention. We all need to be treated well.

Don’t act like an Advertisement

This is a fairly common mistake some people make. When they meet someone attractive, they go all out to show them just how clever they are, what college they went to, what qualifications they have, their fancy job title, etc., but all this does is make you look self-absorbed, attention-seeking or self-important, none of which is remotely appealing. It leaves nothing to the imagination either, or for another time.

Vanity

Take pride in your physical appearance; look clean, tidy, and dress to suit your body type, but that’s it. Don’t be overly concerned with your looks or preen yourself in public. Many people are unduly vain about their appearance and, in my lifetime, I haven’t met one intelligent person that admires it.

So there’s no need to flick your hair back, take selfie-stick photos or think it’s interesting to others — it really isn’t. And it makes you look self-absorbed.

There are thousands of physically attractive people out there, of all different types, but if that’s all you want to offer and appear to value, you’ll come across as a turn-off, with nothing up top.

Remember: ‘You can only attract more of the same’— Tony Robbins

Lastly, always have high standards for yourself and expect to be treated well, and never settle for a partner whose behavior doesn’t align with your own true values.

Good luck!

© America Zed. Other Self-Help Stories by America Zed.