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Abstract

sometimes you throw caution to the wind and go right for the open road.</p><p id="4ea4">I don't know if you choose the sidewalk because it's safer, or you like the feeling of the little bump against your junk, but road or walkway, it’s flat.</p><p id="e236">This isn't the case throughout the entire area, though. You see, our little corner of the city is called Thornhill…ThornHILL. While we are not exactly a mountainous region, it is far from flat around here.</p><p id="441e">How do you navigate this element of your route? Physics would suggest that you need to lean into your uphill climbs, which also seems impossible on a unicycle, by virtue of said physics.</p><p id="2798">Also, I know nothing about physics. Or unicycles.</p><p id="c6a7">I can only imagine that you dismount and walk your quirky, little half bicycle up and down the hills, and then hop back on when you reach level ground.</p><p id="1402">Any of this seem futile to you yet? Carrying your mode of transportation, because it is rendered useless on a 5-degree incline? Just me? Okey dokey.</p><p id="0339" type="7">I have deduced that this activity is purely by choice and brings you some degree of joy, as I never see you being chased by a second unicycle rider, wielding a gun.</p><p id="2a66">Not only are you not being chased, but you are always alone, and it makes me sad to think that you have no one with which to share your joy for riding upon a single wheel, for all the world to see.</p><p id="dc7e">Speaking of that, it’s kind of time to admit it. Don’t you think? You ride your unicycle for all the world to see…it’s not the action, it’s the reason.</p><p id="f626">You're no different than the people who walk down the street with their pot-bellied pigs on a leash and roll <i>their </i>eyes when we give strange looks. Yes, we’re the weird ones!</p><p id="3745" type="7">You're in this for the attention.</p><p id="bdc3">I’m ok with that if you're ok with that. But let’s call it what it is.</p><p id="d7b7">Mr. Unicycle, despite the depths of this one-sided conversation, you remain an enigma. I shall continue to take great joy in my entirely baseless judgement of you until I ha

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ve more information on the matter. At which point, I will judge you in greater detail.</p><p id="2731">In condescension,</p><p id="c936">A confused neighbour</p><h2 id="737b">Enjoy that? Here’s another open letter from Deb</h2><div id="08f5" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/an-open-letter-to-the-driver-in-front-of-me-5d1be1561738"> <div> <div> <h2>An Open Letter to the Driver in Front of Me</h2> <div><h3>This may have happened before I learned how to control my road rage</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*gTGCTduos0wvoeEfzqIJLA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h2 id="40ad">And a few other things she thinks you’ll like</h2><div id="9607" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-house-of-hamster-horror-5230509afc5b"> <div> <div> <h2>The House of Hamster Horror</h2> <div><h3>Essential reading before purchasing an off-brand rat</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*oRTTnHk5mr9Uoa22pIQFzw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="a168" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/5-things-no-one-tells-you-about-becoming-a-mom-or-dad-c45539acd066"> <div> <div> <h2>5 Things No One Tells You About Becoming a Mom (or Dad)</h2> <div><h3>Even the best baby books leave this stuff out!</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*KjGDtMmvLgJFrQF0i-iIAA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

REAL LIFE

An Open Letter to Mr. Unicycle

I obviously need to know everything about this choice

Dr. Mr. Unicycle,

I have so many questions!

Since I don't know your name, I will have to settle for naming you for your most unique characteristic…the fact that you ride a unicycle, daily, in my neighbourhood.

My suburban, family-filled, nowhere-near-a-circus neighbourhood.

There is so much I need to know about you.

Your age is an enigma. You look equally 25 and 50 to me. Neither one helps me make any sense of your activity of choice.

But I have to ask…at what point did two wheels become too mainstream for you? Is this a millennial thing? Are you unicycling ironically?

I have surmised that you actually use this as a mode of transportation, and not just recreation. I see you leaving the neighbourhood during morning rush hour, and when I’m on my way home, I often see you coming back in.

Now, I don’t know where you work, but I assume it is a craft brewery.

I suppose that unicycling is superior in some ways to the traditional two-wheeled version. For starters, better posture by sitting upright. You also have two free hands for your avocado toast and kombucha on-the-go, and your meticulously maintained beard runs zero risk of getting caught in the non-existent handlebars.

You’ve thought this through, you clever little nutbar, you!

Most of the time when I see you riding, it's on fairly flat ground. Usually on the sidewalk, but sometimes you throw caution to the wind and go right for the open road.

I don't know if you choose the sidewalk because it's safer, or you like the feeling of the little bump against your junk, but road or walkway, it’s flat.

This isn't the case throughout the entire area, though. You see, our little corner of the city is called Thornhill…ThornHILL. While we are not exactly a mountainous region, it is far from flat around here.

How do you navigate this element of your route? Physics would suggest that you need to lean into your uphill climbs, which also seems impossible on a unicycle, by virtue of said physics.

Also, I know nothing about physics. Or unicycles.

I can only imagine that you dismount and walk your quirky, little half bicycle up and down the hills, and then hop back on when you reach level ground.

Any of this seem futile to you yet? Carrying your mode of transportation, because it is rendered useless on a 5-degree incline? Just me? Okey dokey.

I have deduced that this activity is purely by choice and brings you some degree of joy, as I never see you being chased by a second unicycle rider, wielding a gun.

Not only are you not being chased, but you are always alone, and it makes me sad to think that you have no one with which to share your joy for riding upon a single wheel, for all the world to see.

Speaking of that, it’s kind of time to admit it. Don’t you think? You ride your unicycle for all the world to see…it’s not the action, it’s the reason.

You're no different than the people who walk down the street with their pot-bellied pigs on a leash and roll their eyes when we give strange looks. Yes, we’re the weird ones!

You're in this for the attention.

I’m ok with that if you're ok with that. But let’s call it what it is.

Mr. Unicycle, despite the depths of this one-sided conversation, you remain an enigma. I shall continue to take great joy in my entirely baseless judgement of you until I have more information on the matter. At which point, I will judge you in greater detail.