An Interaction with a ‘Karen’ at a Restaurant Is Indicative of the Person Who Refuses to Get Vaccinated
And why we’ll be dealing with some variant of covid for the next 20 years.
According to the UrbanDictionary,
Karen is a pejorative term used in the United States and other English-speaking countries for a woman perceived as entitled or demanding beyond the scope of what is appropriate or necessary. A common stereotype is that of a white woman who uses her privilege to demand her own way at the expense of others.
There are male Karens as well. I’ve run into of few of them on Twitter.
I did something the other day I never do. I asked a stranger politely to turn down the volume on her kid’s cellphone, which was turned up to the highest level because the noise in the restaurant was interfering with his cartoon watching.
In a restaurant.
Instead of not saying anything, like I usually do, and then complaining about it for the rest of the day to friends and family, I took an assertive stance, and I asked her politely if she could turn her child’s video down or use headphones. For it was her child who was in a public place, treating it like their living room.
These are the times I wish I were a man. Men get more respect from strangers.
It is people like this — this mother — why we won’t defeat covid.
Immediately after I asked politely and calmly to please turn it down, better yet, use headphones (that is what they are for, to not disturb everyone with the annoying sound on your phone. I didn’t say this), she lost it within moments and threatened violence, that she would “punch me in the face if you don’t stop talking right now,” within the first few sentences of her tirade.
She said that I was “the rude one” and “don’t tell me how to raise my child,” and “do you want me to give you something to be upset about?” And, “we can do what we want.”
Oh, Karen, you can do what you want. But you are affecting everyone around you who didn’t come to this restaurant to hear your child’s video.
Her indignant, entitled response caught me off guard. Because her child’s video was really loud. We were in a restaurant. It wasn’t that crowded where the din of chatter would cover up the screaming, loud cartoon. She did not care one bit, and that she would immediately threaten violence was odd and over-emotional.
The only thing I can think of is she has a debilitating inferiority complex or such a massive sense of entitlement, or both, that her lack of emotional intelligence and entitlement got in the way of her acting like an adult or a human being. I wasn’t telling her how to raise her child. I asked her to turn the volume down on her child’s smartphone or use headphones. A restaurant isn’t her personal living room, and the cartoon on blast was disturbing the people who came to eat and not listen to a child’s cartoon while eating.
This request has to do with respecting those around you — even strangers — it has nothing to do with how she raises her child. That she went there speaks to her defensiveness and taking things personally.
She reacted like I was asking her to leave the restaurant because the sight of the tangerine dress was offensive to my eyes. No, the loud sounds coming from her child’s video were ruining my experience, not her horrid dress, and I don’t go to restaurants that cost money to listen to other people’s cellphones or cartoons from a child’s video.
What bothered her was that I asked her to change her behavior because her behavoir was affecting everyone around her. She didn’t care. She acted like she was the only one who mattered — her experience, her child’s cartoon — like she wasn’t sharing a public space with others.
I have a child too, who was with me on this day, and I don’t let her have everything she wants, especially when it negatively impacts those around her.
In fact, she knows to be respectful to those around her, even strangers.
When she is out in public, she has been taught to go outside of a restaurant if she receives an important call she has to answer.
I am a little woman. Five feet, two inches and a little over a hundred pounds. I rarely stick up for myself in public. Not on planes when the man next to me takes both armrests during the entire flight, nor when the person next to me edges halfway into my seat he didn’t pay for. Not when people are inconsiderate with their phones in public. Not when people are hiking out in the beautiful wilderness, away from civilization, with their phone blasting terrible music. Not ever. I just let it go, go with the flow, so to speak.
Maybe after the year we’ve all had and then on top of the year we’ve all had, people are now choosing not to get vaccinated and instead continue to make choices that put the public’s health at risk on a large scale — I’ve had it. Since the selfish are now affecting my right to breathe freely in safe air, I have had enough of the self-centered ruining life for everyone else.
The woman at the restaurant gave me a gift —
I said what I thought calmly.
I was polite and straightforward.
My most assertive self anchored in the moment, simply asking someone who was affecting everyone around her to not. She had the audacity to tell me to stop talking, then threatened me with physical violence.
Her flying off the handle immediately was an indication I was in the right.
She was in the wrong.
I remained calm even when she threatened to physically beat me up.
I was cool as a cucumber.
What people do in public affects other people.
When people refuse to get a vaccine to end a virus that continues to mutate, it affects other people.
I did a quick search online, and nearly everything I read agrees with me that people in public listening to loud videos or shows on their phones are the problem.
Here is an excerpt from The Spruce,
“Places where you should limit your cell phone use:
Restaurants: Put your phone on vibrate to prevent creating unnecessary noise if your cell phone rings. Only make outgoing calls if necessary and keep them brief; better yet, take the phone to the lobby or outside, so you don’t bother others who are trying to enjoy a relaxing meal. When people call you, let them know that you are eating, and unless it’s an emergency, tell them you’ll call back later. If you stay in the dining area, keep your voice as low as possible.”
I looked on Reddit, and nearly everyone agrees that those in public (especially a public space like a restaurant) should have the sound on their phone turned off.
Here are some of the responses,
I didn’t have any regrets after the incident.
Later, when I was home, I didn’t think about the rude woman at all or tell anyone about it. I didn’t vent to friends like I would have wanted to had I not said anything. Because I was good with how I handled the situation. My behavior was adult and emotionally intelligent. It was a good lesson for my daughter to see me speak up and say what was bothering us, even though nothing changed. My daughter had the chance to see me composed while dealing with a hysterical person who was clearly in the wrong, and then doubled-down on her wrongness by threatening violence.
I said my peace. And I said it assertively.
Looking back, I wish I had asked for her email address to send her a list of etiquette rules on the correct way to use a phone in public. But I doubt she would have given it to me.
People like this woman, who put her rights above everyone else’s, because she thinks she’s special and therefore entitled to more than others — a special right to impact those around her negatively, without the need to follow social codes and norms most of us follow — is exactly why we will not snuff out covid by reaching herd immunity with vaccinations.
If everyone gets the vaccine, we look out for the whole, the collective, and stop the virus in its tracks. Viruses don’t mutate if they can’t replicate. If we stop transmission and replication, we won’t get any more variants.
If we don’t reach herd immunity (80–90% of the population vaccinated), we will be dealing with some version of the virus for the next two decades or more. And if people won’t even keep their cellphones lowered at restaurants because their children are entitled to do whatever they want without regard for the people around them, we’re fucked.
Jessica is a writer, an online entrepreneur, and a recovering Type A personality. She lives in Los Angeles with her extrovert daughter, two dogs, and two cats.
