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first is so lovely and no two kids are alike!</li><li>I’m not ready to give up more freedom again. I just got to a good place now that my daughter is 3.</li><li>I don’t care about a ticking time clock. I’m only 30 so I have plenty of time.</li><li>My partner is extremely clear that he is content with one child and does not want another.</li></ul><p id="d9e6"><b>But do you know what scares me the most?</b> I’m scared of the potential health challenges that a second child may have.</p><p id="ae35">I’ve never been to a doctor so many times in my entire life. My daughter is generally healthy but we have encountered our fair share of infections, eyesight challenges and even a middle-of-the-night hospital visit.</p><p id="4b2c">It’s just so devastating to see your little one unwell and I don’t think my heart can handle the rollercoaster of going through it with another.</p><h2 id="2db7">Does that make me selfish?</h2><p id="f335">Will my daughter be wistful one day that she wished we had another child? Will she grow up spoiled because she didn’t have to compete for our attention?</p><p id="a569">The “what if’s” are endless. And horrible if I might say so myself.</p><p id="7985">So I sit with this conundrum. Obviously it’s not too late, and perhaps I will turn the corner one day. I do get the occasional baby fever but I generally bat it away.</p><p id="14eb"><i>Who else struggles or has struggled with this dilemma?</i></p><p id="f793">With love, Megan</p><p id="17da"><i>Are you a woman craving support from other women? I just launched a <b>Free Women’s Circle</b> every other Wednesday virtually on Zoom. Come join us:</i></p><div id="ab4a" class="link-block"> <a href="https://yourmoderncoach.com/circle"> <div> <div> <h2>Join our Free Women’s Circle — Megan Llorente | Your Modern Coach</h2> <div><h3>Feeling overwhelmed or discouraged? Come and share your challenges with other like-minded, down-to-earth and real women…</h3></div> <div><p>yourmoderncoach.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readme

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dium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*B5q5Dug7JGl27KsH)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="0ce6"><i>Other stories of mine in The Motherload:</i></p><div id="e0e2" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-i-healed-from-my-traumatic-birth-experience-6115200ecb47"> <div> <div> <h2>How I Healed From My Traumatic Birth Experience</h2> <div><h3>You deserve to feel at peace with one of the biggest moments in your life too</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*lfKfD8CKVzxavxIenuWL6w.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="e666" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-weird-aftermath-of-breastfeeding-ba20f70d7663"> <div> <div> <h2>My Weird Aftermath of Breastfeeding</h2> <div><h3>Why does something that’s so natural and human feel so weird?</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*7kcVZTFPZVQleMbsucp91A.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="833a"><i>Support my writing journey:</i></p><div id="aff0" class="link-block"> <a href="https://meganllorente.medium.com/membership"> <div> <div> <h2>Join Medium with my referral link - Megan Llorente</h2> <div><h3>As a Medium member, a portion of your membership fee goes to writers you read, and you get full access to every story…</h3></div> <div><p>meganllorente.medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*mVTg6l8ZNEqNCYSg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Am I Selfish for Not Giving My Daughter a Sibling?

At least not yet

Photo by Christian Bowen on Unsplash

I’m surrounded by moms having multiple children. My two closest friends, both who had their first child after me, are already on their way to a second child.

I also came from a family of 4 children. I love my 3 siblings dearly although we all seem to have our own lives.

My daughter is now 3 years old and I’m often asked about when I’m having my second. Why is there such a strong expectation to have another child so soon?

I hear it all the time from other parents, family members and friends:

  • “Have your second before your first is out of diapers!” – oh, well that ship sailed
  • “Don’t you want to give them a sibling?” – I’m really not sure
  • “They need a playmate or else they grow up self-centred” – ugh really??
  • “You need to aim for a 2–3 year age gap – anything longer is too long” – oops, missed that window
  • “Are you pregnant yet??” – I sure hope not

The Dilemma

I always thought I’d have two kids and that’s it. Now, I don’t know anymore.

I feel lucky with my daughter. She has a beautiful personality and I’m so happy to see her blossom. I don’t feel the stereotypical “it goes so fast!!” mentality. I think it’s because I’ve been there every step of the way and have enjoyed the journey (mostly).

My reality:

  • I can’t even imagine being pregnant right now with the current state of the world.
  • I’m scared to consider what the temperament of a potential second child might be – my first is so lovely and no two kids are alike!
  • I’m not ready to give up more freedom again. I just got to a good place now that my daughter is 3.
  • I don’t care about a ticking time clock. I’m only 30 so I have plenty of time.
  • My partner is extremely clear that he is content with one child and does not want another.

But do you know what scares me the most? I’m scared of the potential health challenges that a second child may have.

I’ve never been to a doctor so many times in my entire life. My daughter is generally healthy but we have encountered our fair share of infections, eyesight challenges and even a middle-of-the-night hospital visit.

It’s just so devastating to see your little one unwell and I don’t think my heart can handle the rollercoaster of going through it with another.

Does that make me selfish?

Will my daughter be wistful one day that she wished we had another child? Will she grow up spoiled because she didn’t have to compete for our attention?

The “what if’s” are endless. And horrible if I might say so myself.

So I sit with this conundrum. Obviously it’s not too late, and perhaps I will turn the corner one day. I do get the occasional baby fever but I generally bat it away.

Who else struggles or has struggled with this dilemma?

With love, Megan

Are you a woman craving support from other women? I just launched a Free Women’s Circle every other Wednesday virtually on Zoom. Come join us:

Other stories of mine in The Motherload:

Support my writing journey:

Motherhood
Women
Siblings
Parenting
Children
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