My Weird Aftermath of Breastfeeding

Summary

Megan, a mother, reflects on her challenging breastfeeding journey and its aftermath, grappling with societal norms and personal discomfort as her daughter continues to seek comfort in touching her breasts after weaning.

Abstract

Megan shares her personal struggle with breastfeeding, detailing the pain and societal pressure she endured to continue the practice for her daughter's benefit. Despite not enjoying breastfeeding, she persisted until her daughter was 30 months old, eventually stopping abruptly due to her own limits. Post-breastfeeding, Megan faces a peculiar situation where her daughter, now almost 3, seeks comfort by touching her breasts, leading to mixed feelings about the appropriateness of this behavior. While she contemplates setting boundaries, Megan's partner's acceptance helps her to be more at ease with the situation. She reaches out to other mothers, acknowledging the diverse challenges of breastfeeding and advocating for understanding and support regardless of feeding choices.

Opinions

Megan did not enjoy breastfeeding but continued due to its perceived benefits for her daughter and her daughter's attachment to it.
She feels a societal expectation to be private about breastfeeding and its aftermath, which makes her uncomfortable discussing her daughter's attachment to touching her breasts.
Megan oscillates between accepting her daughter's behavior and feeling the need to discourage it as she grows older.
She believes that the natural act of breastfeeding and its aftermath should not be considered weird or taboo.
Megan empathizes with all mothers, regardless of their feeding choices, and strongly opposes judgment towards their decisions.
She is preparing to set boundaries with her daughter regarding physical contact but is mindful of finding the right time for both of them.
Megan's partner's acceptance of their daughter's behavior influences her own perspective and comfort level with the situation.

Why does something that’s so natural and human feel so weird?

Like many women, I really struggled with breastfeeding in the fourth trimester. It hurt so much that I almost gave up. Yet I felt that internal and societal pressure to push past it so I could keep on breastfeeding.

I ended up breastfeeding until my daughter was 30 months old. To be honest, I would have stopped it long before but my daughter loved breastfeeding so much. I eventually had to stop it cold turkey after the agony of failing to wean her slowly. I just couldn’t do it anymore. It was a brutal week of transition but we got through it.

My truth about breastfeeding: There was not a single moment that I ever enjoyed it. That makes me want to cry a little thinking back on that sentence but it’s my truth. I did it entirely because I believed in the benefits for my daughter and she had such a strong attachment to it.

My Weird Aftermath

My daughter is now almost 3. She wakes up every morning wanting to hug and touch my ‘boobies’. It’s weird. Some kids have teddy bears as security blankets, but my child just wants to cuddle with my chest.

I oscillate between needing to cut her off of this behaviour and letting it go on for a little longer. If she ever gets upset, the first thing that will calm her down is to touch my breasts.

Why is this so weird for me? It’s even weird for me to write breasts or boobs. Like a taboo!

I think it’s because I was raised to be a bit prude-ish about ‘private parts’. I don’t really talk about this with other women because I think they will look at me as odd for allowing my daughter to still touch my boobs post-breastfeeding. How did we become so private about something that seems so natural and human?

The few people I have told agree with me that it’s weird. The only person that is wholeheartedly and completely okay with it is my partner (her dad). Perhaps that’s why I strive to be okay with it too, for now.

There will come a day when I tell her no more and I do feel like that day is coming soon. I’m doing my best to follow my heart as to when it’s the right time for her and the right time for me.

Can someone please remind me why I’m supposed to feel weird about all of this again? It’s not weird, right?

To all the mamas out there

In the spirit of knowing intimately what the breastfeeding struggle is like, I just want to say:

To the women who had bleeding nipples and cried at every latch, I’ve been there and I see you.

To the women who agonized over how long to keep breastfeeding, I know exactly what that feels like.

To the women still figuring out the aftermath of breastfeeding, I’m right there with you.

To the women who went with formula or bottle-fed milk, by choice or not, I really, really understand. If I were to have a second child, I’d very likely do the same.

And to any woman who has ever been judged for breastfeeding or bottle-feeding or any combination of feeding, please know that you are perfect and you are making the best choice for you and your child. It’s what we do as mothers. Anyone who disagrees can shove it!

My way of saying that for you is also my way of convincing myself that it’s true. After all, we mothers are always just trying to do the best we can.

With love, Megan