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All You Grateful Laid-Off People On LinkedIn Need To Get Real

WTF is wrong with you people?

When I was laid off from a job I loved — editor of my town’s daily newspaper — I said nothing on social media for a day. I knew it was coming and had already been quietly taking home a few personal items each day, but the pain was intense anyway.

A day later, I was ready to post about it. I took the moral high road and didn’t bad-mouth GateHouse Media but I expressed my sadness at the end of my newspaper career, my pride in my accomplishments and my hope for success in another industry.

That’s a normal way to respond to losing your job.

Do you know what isn’t normal?

The bullshit I’ve been reading from laid-off folks on LinkedIn.

If you’re on that platform, you’ve seen it. There are plenty of recent examples from people who just lost their job with Twitter or Facebook/Meta.

Well, many of them did not “lose their job,” actually. They were “impacted by the layoffs” at their former employer. I keep seeing that phrase.

Why don’t they want to actually say it? Why the euphemism?

Many of these folks are expressing their joy and excitement about the opportunities they are sure are just ahead. These people deny being sad about losing their job.

On the contrary, they are thrilled! They just know there are great things ahead for them.

Look, I hope there are. Sincerely! Being laid off sucks, especially if, like me, your expertise is something no longer in demand. It sucks even more if, also like me, you’ve reached an age at which it’s nearly impossible to relaunch into a new career. Ageism exists, no matter what anybody claims.

Professionalism today seems to dictate psychotic levels of faux positivity.

Why is this? Life has its ups and downs. There’s no reason to deny that. No, you don’t want to endlessly bitch or cry in public, but you also need not pretend that everything is wonderful when it’s clearly not.

It doesn’t make you seem positive, it makes you seem sort of psychotic. It’s like the job equivalent to saying something like this:

“I was impacted by the death of my spouse of 20 years this week, and many of you have reached out to me, expressing your sympathy. However, I’m choosing to remember the amazing things we shared. I feel confident that there is another marriage out there for me, and after taking a quiet weekend trip to reset myself, I’ll be out there looking for the next great marital adventure! #staypositive #available #opentolove

Or this:

“Now looking for our next #dreamhome after our entire neighborhood was demolished by a wildfire last night. We feel so lucky to have lived near so many amazing and inspirational neighbors, all of whom we will miss as we go on our next housing adventure. The best house for us is yet to come! If you have a great neighborhood you’d recommend, please feel free to reach out and touch base with us! #newhouse #newneighborhood #newlife

Admit it. That’s creepy.

The relentless positivity hits me in the gut.

I feel it viscerally.

I don’t like anything fake — anything.

Think of a fake wood grain desk — wouldn’t it be better if the designer embraced the fact that it’s plastic and went with that, rather than trying to make it look like wood?

Real is always better, and real is not always nice. When something is not nice, you don’t necessarily have to go into deep detail about how terrible it is, but neither do you have to fake that it’s wonderful.

How to tell the world you have lost your job.

Do not pretend you’re happy, but don’t say you’ve been crying and drinking vodka all afternoon, either.

Say you loved your job if you did, and express that you’re looking for new opportunities and would love to hear from anyone who knows of openings in your field.

Yes, you can say you’ll miss the people you worked with, if that’s true. If not, don’t badmouth anybody. Don’t burn bridges.

Feel absolutely free to note the type of job you’re looking for. Maybe you want to pivot to something slightly different.

If you absolutely cannot do that, here’s another option.

You could always flame out.

If you’ve pushed yourself too far into toxic positivity, perhaps you’re ready to burn it all down, in which case you may as well make it worthwhile to everyone and write something like this:

Well, I was shitcanned by the losers at #Acme today. That bitch Linda in HR threw me under the bus just because she saw that one of my “friends” tagged me in some beach pics on social media after I called in sick with Covid.

The good thing is I will no longer have to watch my ass around that #asspincher Ron in accounting, but I’m sad that I will no longer have a cushy job with high pay or access to the primo office supplies I’ve been sneaking home for the last five years. (Those gel pens were the best!)

I am going to be taking some time off to enjoy my unemployment and hammer down shots of Jägermeister but in about five months I’ll be looking for anything easy with high pay and great benefits. Reach out if you can help! #officesupplies #unemploymentrocks #drinkinglikeagirlboss #acmesucks

It beats the fake positivity.

For more about the death of newspapers:

For more about the hell of job hunting:

For more about toxic positivity:

About Michelle Teheux:

I’m a writer and editor in central Illinois. Find me on Twitter or LinkedIn.

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