Feminism and Ageism

Think Coloring Your Hair Is Expensive? Wait Until You Find Out What Going Gray Will Cost You!

But to me, it’s worth it

In March of 2022, I was really excited about a potential copywriting job.

It was at a boutique healthcare copywriting agency, and I’d already had two very positive interviews. I aced the writing test. The friend who let me know about the job said the company was “desperate” to hire good copywriters.

Desperate, you say?

I liked my chances!

I was feeling pretty positive after the first two interviews, but there was still one to go.

It was a Zoom interview with the company owner and founder. I took extra care with my appearance and placed a wooden screen behind my chair to avoid any background distractions.

The very first thing out of the interviewer’s mouth was, “You don’t look like a healthcare writer.”

I was taken aback, to be honest. What is a healthcare writer supposed to look like?

When the newspaper industry took a dive, I switched to copywriting, and a lot of it was in healthcare marketing.

So I wanted to talk about having written entire hospital websites. I wanted to talk about the healthcare videos I’ve written and directed, radio ads I’ve written and directed and the countless print ads and digital campaigns I’ve done.

But the owner seemed more interested in talking about my hair. She also thought it noteworthy that the wooden screen was very like one her parents had owned 20 years ago.

Female gray hair is where ageism and sexism collide.

Obviously, I did not get that job, and perhaps there was some good reason for that besides her perception that my decor and I were both too old.

But if you were to check out that company’s website, you would not be able to help but notice that other than one man, the company appears to be staffed exclusively by women in their 30s and 40s.

Considering how much healthcare is marketed to people aged 50-plus, you might well think there’s value in having staff members from that demographic. But maybe not.

I am not accusing the owner of being ageist, of course.

Obviously, it was the wooden screen that doomed me.

(Desperate my ass.)

I thought writers were mostly immune from ageism.

I admit I did not expect anyone to care about the color of my hair. I’ve never done TV news. I’m bad on camera. Like, disastrously bad. I look as if I’m appearing in a hostage video and am afraid I’ll be tortured if I screw up.

Also, I know damned well I do not have the right look for TV news.

My strengths are writing, editing and directing. And if you’re not the one on camera, who cares how you look, as long as you are dressed and groomed appropriately? (Note: Gray hair is appropriate.)

Even if you are the on-camera type, do you know what happens when an attractive and professional-looking woman goes gray? She turns into an attractive and professional-looking woman with gray hair.

That’s it. That’s all that happens.

Except she might lose her job.

I was not surprised to read about the attractive and professional-looking Lisa LaFlamme, a Canadian news anchor, who lost her job right after going gray, but not, her employer insists, for having gone gray.

Stories like that pop up every so often. Employers always say there was a different reason for firing a woman just when she’s had the audacity to age gracefully. I cannot think of a single instance in which this has happened to a man.

Can you?

I colored my hair for almost 30 years.

If you go to a salon, you’ll pay at least $50 and probably twice that to get your roots done. But I colored my own hair, so it actually wasn’t expensive.

It was, however, a pain in the butt. It took only a week for my hair to grow enough to show the silvery roots. I switched from the chocolatey brown of my youth to more of a caramel at some point, but the roots still stuck out.

For years, I’d consult my calendar and make decisions about when to color so as not to have roots showing for various events. I can’t believe some women go to the hairdresser for color service every four to six weeks. I’d have had at least an inch of roots showing if I’d waited that long.

It just got old.

And furthermore, when I sometimes did end up letting the roots go too long, I kind of liked what I saw. I decided I would switch to semi-permanent color, and then, after enough hair had grown out, I’d stop using it and let all the color wash out. Voilà! I’d have a full head of gray hair without the long process of two-toning it.

Surprise! Semi-permanent hair color is actually permanent hair color. Once I’d used it, it was there forever. It never, ever washed out.

I needed a new plan.

I bought the type of root spray that washes out and used it at my temples, on my part and at my bangs.

I wanted to get my hair to the point that it was obvious I was doing this on purpose and hadn’t just decided to let my hair go for too long.

My timing was perfect. I didn’t know it, but the pandemic was coming, and I was a few steps ahead of the millions of other women who decided to go gray when the salons closed.

But there was a period of time when I was still going out in public with my hair in transition.

I have never had so many compliments in my life.

Probably a lot of people just wanted to be encouraging, but once it was obvious what was going on with my hair, almost everyone liked it. I joined several going-gray Facebook groups, and lots of women report having the same experience. (A supportive community is really helpful when you’re gritting your teeth and trying to get through the really awkward phase.)

Growing it all out took about two years because I wanted to keep my length.

At one point during the early days of the pandemic, I couldn’t take it anymore. Without even thinking about it, I suddenly went into the bathroom, grabbed a pair of dull old scissors not meant for hair, and impatiently hacked off nearly six inches of hair.

The time I spent thinking about it before doing it was approximately two seconds. I also chopped at my bangs.

I had had bangs my whole life. They’re practically impossible to grow out. For me, at least, growing out bangs meant dealing with about a year of unruly bits sticking out at odd angles. I finally decided to go for it only after I grew out the gray.

Why? Wouldn’t it have made more sense to have endured the messiness of awkward bangs at the same time as I was growing out the gray?

Certainly it would have.

But anyway, now I’m totally gray, my bangs are all grown out, and I have the easiest hair routine in the world.

My hair hasn’t been this healthy and shiny since I was in my 20s.

I love my hair now, and you know what? I can count on someone stopping me to ask if this is my natural hair color almost every time I leave the house.

Still, it’s been an expensive decision.

It took me a while, but I finally got the message: Nobody wants to hire a woman who looks her age. At one point in my life, I might have caved in and dyed. But instead, I doubled down on things like freelance work, novels and Medium. At least in the short term, I’d have made more at an agency, but in the long run I’ll probably do better working for myself.

It doesn’t matter. I’m a stubborn woman. There is almost no amount of money you could offer that would convince me to color my hair.

OK, I’d do it for a million bucks. Any takers?

About Michelle Teheux

I’m a writer and editor in central Illinois. Find me on Twitter or LinkedIn.

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